Is It Wise to TRUST Our Friends ?

sozobe wrote:

I figured out one word change that would make me agree with most of what squinney said and some of what David said -- changing "trust" to "dependence." (I think they're substantially different, though.)

that's precisely the impression i got, i think we were not talking about the same thing all along.

i've had a migraine for the last 3 days. i think it may have been caused by this thread, as that's when i started posting here. never had one in my entire life. they're vicious. yuck.

trust
n.
1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
4.
a. The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one:
b. One in which confidence is placed.
5. Reliance on something in the future; hope.
1. To have or place reliance; depend: Trust in the Lord. Trust to destiny.
2. To be confident; hope.

v.tr.
1. To have or place confidence in; depend on.
2. To expect with assurance; assume: I trust that you will be on time.
3. To believe: I trust what you say.

that's exactly how i feel, JLN.

squinney, i got the gist of what you're saying, that is indeed a lot clearer. i have to say i've had a very different experience in life. i'm lucky to have people to rely upon - closest family and a few good friends - in any situation. and i trust them fully. wouldn't change it for anything.

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IS IT WISE TO TRUST OUR FRIENDS?
Wow, what a question.

Thank u, if that 's a compliment.

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Is it wise, I gather the thread to ask,
in the sense of PRUDENT to open ourselves to the risk of vulnerability,
Isn't THAT what friendship and marriage are about?

Yes, I think that is NOT what friendship is about.
MY sense of the word " friendship " is reciprocal enjoyment
of one another 's social company,
combined with mutual good will.

I do not believe that opening ourselves up to vulnerability
is inherent in friendship ( altho, it is not necessarily excluded, either ).

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I think that prudence and wisdom are not always the same.

HOW do thay differ ?

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Frankly, I would rather trust a friend and suffer betrayal
than to never have trusted a friend--or, to put it another way:
to never have had a friend to trust.

I am reminded of a beautiful young lady, named Joyce,
descended of the Austrian aristocracy, with whom I was obsessed
between the ages of 13 and 35.
She initiated some social overtures to me,
whereupon, she became my first love.

In retrospect, the negative aspects of the emotional stress outweighed the good.
I 'd have had a significantly happier life,
if she had chosen someone else to attract.

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To live within a defensive suit of neuromuscular amour is
to be isolated from the world.

That can be good or bad; maybe both,
in varying circumstances.

David

ha. next time i'll know who to blame when it's coming.

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It seems like relationships are, for the vast majority,
the key to happiness in life.

Yes.
Thay have also led to " workaholism "
among guys who don 't like coming home,
and also led to suicide.

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Those meaningful exchanges that enrich everything around us etc,
not necessarily making them better or worse, maybe just more engaging.
I like trust because, besides the obvious practical day to day elements,
trust between people is best displayed by a kind of synchronisation between them.
A really deep mutual understanding that leads to more doing and less worrying.
I like harmonious flow and trust seems to be intricately entwined with it.

An acquaintance of mine ( who is also named David )
shares my abhorence of the acrid stench of tobacco smoke.
He was once heard to declare, in a social group:
" If you lite that, I 'll put it out in your ear.
Lite that, and see what happens. "
This fellow can be trusted to disapprove of the use of tobacco,
but is he harmonious ?

( I believe that better diplomacy was in order. )

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Trust is also a thoroughly engaging act and life is nothing if not participatory.
Sorry if I've repeated anything, fascinating topic, I'm still reading through.

OK
Thanx for your contribution.

Yeah me too^^, I guess if you see the whole 'good with the bad'
and 'bad with the good' thing in life you are prepared to see
possible betrayal of trust as just another pebble on the road.

David, I love your anecdotes. I'm not sure putting a cigarette out in my ear is a friend-like action though!

Sorry, nothing said here has weakened for me
the equation between trust and friendship; they are interdependent.
Lose trust and you've lost friendship and vice versa.

Friendship is not JUST reciprocal ENJOYMENT: that's what I can have with
superficial relationships. For me real friendship is reciprocal trust,
respect and concern, (among other things).

....well trust and friendship are related, not identical. neither is 'nazi', 'communist', and a 'socialist'. i wouldn't want a nazi for a friend either. or a racist, or a xenophobe.... but that has to do with values other than trust.