Don 't Take $$ From Strangers ??

So the kid was not uncomfortable with the situation or the adults (donors) action. Startled and surprised understandably )i would be as well but not uncomfortable.

On the basis of the information provided the kids reaction was reasonable.

Key issue here is that a different child at a different time and place may feel differently.

The donor would be responsible for making the child feel uncomfortable and should consider his actions carefully. It is not the donors intent to make the child feel uncomfortable however we have no control over another's feelings and as such need to consider how our actions impact on those around us. Especialy within child adult interactions.

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dadpad wrote:

So the kid was not uncomfortable with the situation or the adults (donors) action. Startled and surprised understandably )i would be as well but not uncomfortable.

On the basis of the information provided the kids reaction was reasonable.

Key issue here is that a different child at a different time and place may feel differently.

The donor would be responsible for making the child feel uncomfortable and should consider his actions carefully. It is not the donors intent to make the child feel uncomfortable however we have no control over another's feelings and as such need to consider how our actions impact on those around us. Especialy within child adult interactions.

Quad est demonstratum:
LEAVE EVERYONE ELSE ALONE
and mind your own business.

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NO!

Just consider how other people may feel about your actions. As you can see from this thread there may be a range of reactions. If one chooses an action and the reaction is negative an apology will usually suffice provided no physical harm is done.

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dadpad wrote:

NO!

Just consider how other people may feel about your actions.
As you can see from this thread there may be a range of reactions.
If one chooses an action and the reaction is negative
an apology will usually suffice provided no physical harm is done.

No. ( Remember that Doowop pointed out that a father will punch
the lights out of someone who puts his lad in the position
of not understanding what is going on. )
U asserted CORRECTLY that:

" Key issue here is that a different child
at a different time and place may feel differently.

The donor would be responsible for making the child feel uncomfortable
and should consider his actions carefully. It is not the donors intent to
make the child feel uncomfortable however we have no control over
another's feelings and as such need to consider how our actions impact on those around us. . . "

This philosophy applies equally well to adults,
especially FEMALE ones.

David

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Quote:

( Remember that Doowop pointed out that a father will punch
the lights out of someone who puts his lad in the position
of not understanding what is going on. )

I suspect a certain amount of bravado in his comment, in fact if memory serves me a qualification was made. However this kind of reaction should be taken into account by the donor and a weighing up of the likelihood should take place.

One thing that does interest me is the reason an adult would have to give a child money.

There must have been a reason.

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Can we get a consensus here
that the actions of the donor were worse
than if he had robbed $5 from the boy ?

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OmSigDAVID wrote:

Can we get a consensus here
that the actions of the donor were worse
than if he had robbed $5 from the boy ?

Robbing the child is not at issue.

Can draw a conclusion that giving the child $5 may make the child feel uncomfortable and/or result in actions, by other adults, that are detrimental to ourselves?

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I can think of at least a few reasons why someone would give a child $5.

Like I said before, maybe someone just having a great day and not thinking anything of it, just wants to make someone else happy, or something innocent like that.

Some people just don't see things the way some other might and may not understand the extent of boundries where children are concerned.

I remember being a young adult, shopping for groceries, smiling and saying hello to a child who just smiled at me and said hello, then suddenly I'd get evil looks from mom and I had to stop that.
Now when a child says hello to me, I give a little smile and get the hell out of there and to me, this is pretty sad.
The kid is probebly thinking I'm mean because I didn't say hi back, so I think that if I was a kid again and things were the way they are these days, I'd be a pretty miserable kid!

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dadpad wrote:

OmSigDAVID wrote:
Can we get a consensus here
that the actions of the donor were worse
than if he had robbed $5 from the boy ?

Quote:
Robbing the child is not at issue.

Clearly, it is not at issue,
inasmuch as it did not happen,
but in contemplation of the negative potentials
that have been evinced in the thoughtful responses
that have been forthcoming heretofore,
can we agree that what happened is worse than if he had been robbed of $5 ?

Quote:
Can draw a conclusion that giving the child $5 may make the child feel
uncomfortable and/or result in actions, by other adults,
that are detrimental to ourselves?

I don 't understand your question.
Will u refrase ?

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Montana wrote:

I can think of at least a few reasons why someone would give a child $5.

Like I said before, maybe someone just having a great day and not thinking anything of it, just wants to make someone else happy, or something innocent like that.

Some people just don't see things the way some other might and may not understand the extent of boundries where children are concerned.

I remember being a young adult, shopping for groceries, smiling and saying hello to a child who just smiled at me and said hello, then suddenly I'd get evil looks from mom and I had to stop that.
Now when a child says hello to me, I give a little smile and get the hell out of there and to me, this is pretty sad.
The kid is probebly thinking I'm mean because I didn't say hi back,
so I think that if I was a kid again and things were the way they are these days,
I'd be a pretty miserable kid!

Interesting concept there, Montana.
When I was a kid, greetings were insignificant to me.
I saw little need of greetings,
and thay had no effect on the state of my contentment.
( I did say " hi " once in a while. )

Your remark reminds me of arguing the logic
of greetings, with my mother.
She was a pro-greeting person.
She criticised me for failing to say hello or good bye.

I challenged the logic thereof, except insofar as
it gave others fair notice of one 's impending departure,
so that thay cud conclude whatever business thay may have with u,
while u r still there.
David

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I think I'd like your mother, David :-D

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Montana wrote:

I think I'd like your mother, David :-D

Thank u, Montana

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ehBeth wrote:

Chai wrote:
ehBeth wrote:
Doowop wrote:
Oi, have you got kids? I bet not!

Chai doesn't have kids. Wanna make something of it?

doowop was addressing that to nimh....

that was my point

that doowop was throwing the 'got kids' thing into the equation. it's irrelevant.

Quite a statement there.

Do you honestly think that an adult with no children could really, fully identify with the gut churning fear and panic that a parent has when a child of theirs "goes missing" for a short while, for instance? No way, unless it involved a child that they knew very well, like a nephew or niece etc, but then they would be, in effect, playing the role of a "parent" at the time.
Both of mine, on a few occasions during their early years, went awol for periods of time (just like most kids do) and I've never experienced such dread.
One was due back at 4pm on a Sunday from a friend's house about four doors away and a short walk of about 30 yards (no road crossing involved). Up until then (she was nine or so) she was as good as gold and totally punctual.
4pm came and went and my wife went up to get her about ten minutes later. She was back in an instant, saying that our daughter wasn't there and that she'd already left for home at 4pm.
I was out on the streets in an instant, in almost a blind panic. I went to two other addresses of her nearby friends, with no luck. She was by then twenty five minutes overdue and the police were called. I have never, ever felt such a feeling of blind panic, and hope to god that I'll never feel that again.
As I saw the police car coming down the road, my smiling daughter came round the corner on the back of another friend's new bike. She'd met her on the walk back at 4pm and had gone for a little test drive without telling us.
The police took it all in good part and were pleased that all had come to nowt, but I will never forget that feeling.

I say now that although a childless adult would feel horror and dread in such a situation, until it's happened to their own child, they don't know the meaning of those two words.
Further to this, I feel that a parent (especially one who has been through an awol situation) can really and utterly identify with the feelings of a couple that actually has their child go missing, more than most childless adults. Most parents reading this will know exactly what I'm trying to say.

A childless adult is someone who is usually responsible and will show concern in such a "bus" situation. n adult who is a parent would show similar concern, I feel, as a childless adult if such a thing happened to someone else's lad.
But the actual parent of the child, at that precise moment in time, shows a whole different level of protection when it comes to a sudden, unexpected and wholly weird incident which could even remotely pose a threat.

So to me (and obviously Chai) there is very much the Lion/ess cub thing going on. It's all very well to sit down here at the PC, calmly read this thread like responsible adults and stroke our chins while we think up a very reasonable adult version of how we'd respond. This "incident" happened like bang, there and in your face. Now, you have a maximum of one second to react.
I still say now, if it happened to me and I didn't have time to stroke my chin over a Latte, I'd have proverbially punched his lights out.

By the way, I love in a small city, where I would imagine that the likelihood of having your car wheels stolen or someone shaking you by the hand and saying good morning runs at about 50/50.
I'm not mentally thinking quiet rural scenario here, where everyone knows everyone, as some of you may be.

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Doowop wrote:

ehBeth wrote:
Chai wrote:
ehBeth wrote:
Doowop wrote:
Oi, have you got kids? I bet not!

Chai doesn't have kids. Wanna make something of it?

doowop was addressing that to nimh....

that was my point

that doowop was throwing the 'got kids' thing into the equation. it's irrelevant.

Quite a statement there.

Do you honestly think that an adult with no children could really, fully identify with the gut churning fear and panic that a parent has when a child of theirs "goes missing" for a short while, for instance? No way!
Both of mine, on a few occasions during their early years, went awol for periods of time (just like most kids do) and I've never experienced such dread.
One was due back at 4pm on a Sunday from a friend's house about four doors away and a short walk of about 30 yards (no road crossing involved). Up until then (she was nine or so) she was as good as gold and totally punctual.
4pm came and went and my wife went up to get her about ten minutes later. She was back in an instant, saying that our daughter wasn't there and that she'd already left for home at 4pm.
I was out on the streets in an instant, in almost a blind panic. I went to two other addresses of her nearby friends with no luck. She was by then twenty five minutes overdue and the police were called. I have never, ever felt such a feeling of blind panic, and hope to god that I'll never feel that again.
As I saw the police car coming down the road, my smiling daughter came round the corner on the back of another friend's new bike. She'd met her on the walk back at 4pm and had gone for a little test drive without telling us.
The police took it all in good part and were pleased that all had come to nowt, but I will never forget that feeling.

I say now that although a childless adult would feel horror and dread in such a situation, until it's happened to their own child, they don't know the meaning of those two words.
Further to this, I feel that a parent (especially one who has been through an awol situation) can really and utterly identify with the feelings of a couple that actually has their child go missing, more than most childless adults. Most parents reading this will know exactly what I'm trying to say.

A childless adult is someone who is usually responsible and will show concern in such a "bus" situation. n adult who is a parent would show similar concern, I feel, as a childless adult if such a thing happened to someone else's lad.
But the actual parent of the child, at that precise moment in time, shows a whole different level of protection when it comes to a sudden, unexpected and wholly weird incident which could even remotely pose a threat.

So to me (and obviously Chai) there is very much the Lion/ess cub thing going on. It's all very well to sit down here at the PC, calmly read this thread like responsible adults and stroke our chins while we think up a very reasonable adult version of how we'd respond. This "incident" happened like bang, there and in your face.

Now, you have a maximum of one second to react.
I still say now, if it happened to me and I didn't have time to stroke my chin over a Latte,
I'd have proverbially punched his lights out.

By the way, I love in a small city, where I would imagine that the likelihood of having your car wheels stolen or someone shaking you by the hand and saying good morning runs at about 50/50.
I'm not mentally thinking quiet rural scenario here, where everyone knows everyone, as some of you may be.

As u indicated, u 'd have a maximum of a second to react,
in that he was leaving and next to the door, in motion.
Wud u chase him into the street, to punch out his lights ?
Wud u employ a weapon to support your efforts and avenge the offense?
David

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Employ a weapon? Are you serious? This ain't America.

If he'd got off the bus and the doors had closed, I would either have asked the driver to stop (heat of the moment, knowing me I'd do that and possibly feel stupid after) or at least make enough of a scene so that people around me would have been aware that something had gone on.

To save any further dissection or analysis of more "what ifs", I will just say that there would definitely been some sort of reaction from me at that precise moment in time.

It certainly wouldn't have involved me shaking the man by the hand and declaring that he must be a fine upstanding member of society, who's generosity has made my lad's day, wishing him a good day and patting him on the back as he exited the bus.

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Oh, Doowop! Get out your boxing gloves...

I take exception to your remarks (see below) about the parent of the kid being given money on the bus (I can't believe we're STILL talking about this incident, by the way) having a more protective feeling than a non-parent. I call bullshit. As I said in my earlier posts, I woudn't have reacted that way at all. Does that make me a lousier parent? Not in my mind.

Here, what you actually said was:

"A childless adult is someone who is usually responsible and will show concern in such a "bus" situation. An adult who is a parent would show similar concern, I feel, as a childless adult if such a thing happened to someone else's lad.

But the actual parent of the child, at that precise moment in time, shows a whole different level of protection when it comes to a sudden, unexpected and wholly weird incident which could even remotely pose a threat. "

=================

Where does your opinion come from? Your own experiences as a non-parent and then a parent? Well, if that's the case, you can only speak for yourself.

If the kid wasn't mine but was in my care, I wouldn't panic any less should something happen. Who cares whose kid it is??? It's a kid, a vulnerable little being who is depending on you for its care. Enough said. Yeah, you might not be as devastated should the child die, but you'd still be devastated... and your parental state is irrelevant.

This whole "Well, you're not a parent so you couldn't know" comes up repeatedly in conversations and it's not only idiotic and insupportable, but insulting.

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What you call bullshit, I call my own opinion. Whether you like it or not is up to you.

I absolutely, certainly feel different about these type of scenarios now, after having kids, than I did before I had them.

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Doowop wrote:

Quote:
Employ a weapon? Are you serious? This ain't America.

Well, a pointed umbrella, or a rock, etc.

Quote:
If he'd got off the bus and the doors had closed, I would either have asked the driver to stop (heat of the moment, knowing me I'd do that and possibly feel stupid after) or at least make enough of a scene so that people around me would have been aware that something had gone on.

To save any further dissection or analysis of more "what ifs", I will just say that there would definitely been some sort of reaction from me at that precise moment in time.

It certainly wouldn't have involved me shaking the man by the hand and declaring that he must be a fine upstanding member of society, who's generosity has made my lad's day, wishing him a good day and patting him on the back as he exited the bus.

The perfection of your thought is exceeded only by your WISDOM.
Can we agree that his offense is significantly worse
than if he had robbed $5 from the boy, Doowop ?

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Mame wrote:

If the kid wasn't mine but was in my care, I wouldn't panic any less should something happen.

You make the point of saying "but was in my care". If you read my post properly you would see that I intimate that an adult, childless or no, would in effect be a parent at that moment.

What would be the scenario if he wasn't in your care at the time, like this scenario?

Are you seriously telling me that the level of protection from harm that the lad would receive would be the same from the parent on one side and the unknown adult on the other? I certainly know who'd be out of their seat the fastest to respond.
If you were sitting the other side of my lad in that scenario, chances are, although you say you have the same level of feeling about any kid, you would be reading your book, totally unaware that anything had happened. Quite natural, as you're not being a Lion/ess at the time. That would've been me.

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OmSigDAVID wrote:

Can we agree that his offense is significantly worse
than if he had robbed $5 from the boy, Doowop ?[/b]

I can't answer that question, as it would've been split second stuff that was brought about by his actions, and there is a small chance that he may have meant no harm.
However, if he'd have been robbing my lad, the action itself would have taken more time, giving me a proper opportunity to punch him so hard in the mouth that he's have to stick a toothbrush up his backside to clean his teeth.

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Don 't Take $$ From Strangers ??

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