Don 't Take $$ From Strangers ??

sozobe wrote:

Chai wrote:

If the person became offended, but really meant well, oh well....maybe he learns a lesson to stay away from momma lions cub. Like I said, if it came to the protection of a child, I don't care who thinks I'm over reacting.

I totally agree as a general concept. If my child's safety is actually at risk, I'm going to do whatever it takes to protect her, other people's feelings be damned.

It's just, was this such a risk? Relative risks need to be weighed. Is blowing up at the guy who gave the kid $5 really going to be more protective, in sum, or will it be more likely to make the kid nervous and edgy and worried about everyone and their motivations?

I've taken several self-defense courses and every one mentions that predators look for people who are nervous, ill-at-ease. That simply being confident -- long, even strides, not looking around fearfully, shoulders back, chin up -- is often enough to indicate to the baddies that this particular one probably is not the best one to mess with. (This isn't 100% of course, but in terms of averages and what makes one more or less safe.) Feeling like perverts are lurking around every corner doesn't impart that kind of confidence.

I know you're just talking about this one instance, but if that level of protection continues across the board ("How DARE you give my child that banana!!!? Yes he was hungry but jeez, get a clue!!"), I don't think it actually averages out to increased safety for the child.

soz....you seem to think I am this one dimentional person....you and others (and myself) can pick out varying situations until the cows come home, and Obviously each situation would warrant a slightly, or very different reaction.

Relative risk? Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing....a total stranger giving a child money is a risk that warrants "pushing his lights out"....although, I'm sorry you pick up from my words that I would be screaming this at the top of my lungs to the man on the bus....."How DARE you can be said very quietly, and in a low tone....and yes, I think that would show A LOT of confidence. One often can't tell anothers confidence level when that person is simply sitting on a bus, or waiting room. Add words to the mix, and you'll get a more total picture.

So....to a person offering food to my child....it would totally depend on the setting. Did you think my vocabulary was so limited that I would use the exact same words in every situation?
If it was totally out of the blue, and I got a strange feeling about the person, yes, I would say something...however, it would also depend on the environment....is this person so "off" that he might become angry depending on the level of interaction? Are there other people around? Had he been giving off signals that I didn't like? (and no, I'm not going to type out every possible thing that would get my flags up)...or, is this someone I'd been having idle conversation with for the last 15 minutes?

In the banana scenerio...No, I think it's clear I wouldn't scream "how DARE you", I would however, because I would have been teaching my child not to accept things from strangers....would say to the person something like "I wish you'd ask me first" or "don't you think you should have asked me first?"

Children learning their own ways to deal with these situations? Well, who in the world is supposed to be teaching them this? I don't accept gifts from strangers, so why wouldn't I teach my child the same?

I don't walk around suspecious of every person, but I have my limits on what is acceptable from someone I don't know, and what is not....and that depends on where I am, who I'm with, what time it is, and a lot of other things. I adapt to the situation.....If I was with a 14 year old, and they were offered something, I'd watch but leave it in their hands what to do.....if they were 8, 4, 16, 10....my reaction would vary and could go from one end of the spectrum to the other.

Did you really think I would treat a stranger offering my child money the same regardless if they were 5 years old or 15?

Have you come in here purposely seeking a confrontation, nimh?

Go roll your eyes in a condescending manner somewhere else.

I guess the "no big deal" is the major disagreement.

I do think it's a big deal.

boomerang wrote:

I guess the "no big deal" is the major disagreement.

I do think it's a big deal.

Yes.
What do u consider to be proper justice and suitable vengeance for this outrage ?
( if he had been captured in time )

boomerang wrote:

Quote:

My inital reaction in that split second? Freak, singling out my boy for reasons unknown.

This is the whole issue.

Really this was not some random split second. Someone noticed your kid, watched your kid, made a decision to make contact with your kid, thought it through, got out their wallet, pulled out a bill, held onto it until they could reach through and drop it in your kids lap; singling out your kid for unknown reasons.

Exactly! It is very unlikely that this act was immediately spontaneous. One second he's standing there minding his own business, the next second he's had a sudden impulse to give someone money, drawn out a note and dropped it into the lap of the nearest person. He had thought it through, and whatever the ulterior motive, it's very odd and unsettling that he hadn't considered the accompanying adult in his thought process.

Not normal adult behaviour by a long shot,
so it is only natural in my mind, that his abnormal behaviour towards a child
will bring about a reaction that he may not enjoy.

OmSigDAVID wrote:

boomerang wrote:

I guess the "no big deal" is the major disagreement.

I do think it's a big deal.

Yes.
What do u consider to be proper justice and suitable vengeance for this outrage ?
( if he had been captured in time )

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Well for starters I never said it was an outrage.

WHAT ??
Now, are u DEFENDING HIM ?????

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I said that it would make me really uncomfortable.
I said that I thought it was creepy; that I didn't think the money dropper guy
understood that there are boundries that you don't cross with kids.

Well, he has to be taught some MANNERS, right ????

Quote:

Vengence and justice?

Huh?

I've said a few times that I'd call the police and bus company.
Does that count as vengence or justice?

ONLY
if something bad happens to him, as a result.
If not, then he 'd probably never even KNOW about it.






.

I too would have a similar conversation.

And once we got home I would have called the police and the bus company.

And speaking of the bus company...

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I can't believe a driver would put a child off the bus.

I SAW him DO it, after he INSULTED her.

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Nevertheless, if I saw something like the girl getting put off the bus
it would be easy to address without ever speaking to the girl in question:
"Stop the bus. I'll pay her fare." Give the money to the driver. Done.

1 ) girl mounts bus and unsuccessfully tries to pay fare before bus leaves its 1st stop, to begin its route

2 ) bus driver insults said girl

3 ) bus driver throws said girl off bus

4 ) said girl weeps bitterly out in bus stop

5 ) passengers see her wailing out there ( bus has windows )

6 ) a passenger loudly stomps off bus, giving driver a fiercely contemptuous look on the way out,
approaches weaping girl and offers her bus tokens, while everyone on the bus stares at him,
including driver ( who has left his seat and is standing in the doorway by his dispatcher ),
all of whose rapt attention is focused on this drama

Actually, most, if not all, of our political parties have "child-friendly" in their programs.

What I mean is that giving e.g. some money to children who you find nice, who you like ... isn't that "abnomal" is called here on the thread elsewhere.

Not saying that it's the rule or eveyday-normality.

I like sozobe's approach.

keep the $

plantress wrote:

keep the $

lol! simple, easy and no bfd.

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No, I'm not defending him,
just saying that this isn't an "outrage".

It was an act of UNCONSCIONABLE DEPRAVITY !
Maybe he was a homosexual.

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I've said several times what I would do in the situation described.
Are you asking now what I would do if I had the opportunity to confront the man?

I suppose I would have handed the money back
and said in a big mamma bear voice "Leave my kid alone." and see where it went from there.

What 'd u do if he did not ACCEPT IT from u ?

Quote:

As to the girl thrown off the bus -- if everyone was just standing around
I don't understand why it was necessary for anyone to get off the bus
and engage her directly.
Approach the driver, pay her fare, wave her aboard. Done.

She did not accept the opportunity
to board the bus; she did not accept the bus tokens.
Hence, the bus company 'd have been unjustly enriched,
in exchange for NO services rendered to the cast off girl.

Quote:

Then when I got home I would have called the bus company
and reported the jerk of a driver.

The bus company KNEW, in that his BOSS,
his Bus Dispatcher was there, with his attention
as raptly fixed upon this drama as anyone.
The driver CONVERSED with his Dispatcher.
He was in on it. He ratified the driver 's decision in the matter.
Were it otherwise, he cud have REVERSED IT.

Not long ago I boarded the bus with no money on my Metrocard.
( I was not aware of this. ) I had plenty of cash in the form of bills
and of coinage, but the driver waved ( and waived ) me back;
told me to forget about it.

It was an act of UNCONSCIONABLE DEPRAVITY !

nimh wrote:

Doowop wrote:

It certainly wouldn't have involved me shaking the man by the hand and declaring that he must be a fine upstanding member of society, who's generosity has made my lad's day, wishing him a good day and patting him on the back as he exited the bus.

Yeah, because that of course is what other posters here have been suggesting.. not.

Have you come in here purposely seeking a confrontation, nimh? Well you won't get it from me. [..]

I originally came in here to express my opinion, and think I did it pretty well. Just because you don't like it, there's no need to wet your knickers.

Go roll your eyes in a condescending manner somewhere else.

Hmm. I think it could be a big deal.
I think it could not be.
I think the key is to have a low-key exchange with the kid, covering all of those bases.

If it was sozlet, I'd probably handle it something like:

Me: Did you know that guy?

Sozlet: No. [if she said yes, that'd be another direction]

Me: Well that was weird...

Sozlet: Yeah..!

Me: Why do you think he gave that to you?

Sozlet: I don't know... [she might look longingly at the bill at this point
as she sensed where things were going, or she might have ideas,
hard to predict]

Me: Do you think you should keep it?

Sozlet: Probably not.

Me: Why not?

Sozlet: [might answer, might shrug -- we've gone over this kind of thing before.
Likely that she'd get some pertinent stuff in here.
If not, I'd reiterate with:]

Me: It could be that he just dropped it accidentally, or that he thought he was being nice.
But if he gave it to you without checking with me at all, that's just not appropriate.
[might go into it further here depending on how she's responding,
might leave it at that] What would you like to do?

Sozlet: [would probably, if ruefully, suggest giving it to the bus driver or something]

Me: Good idea!



I think the "big deal" stuff is not so much about whether it couldn't
possibly have been done for nefarious reasons, but that punching the
guys lights out literally or metaphorically isn't necessarily called for.

Hmm. I think it could be a big deal.
I think it could not be.
I think the key is to have a low-key exchange with the kid, covering all of those bases.

If it was sozlet, I'd probably handle it something like:

Me: Did you know that guy?

Sozlet: No. [if she said yes, that'd be another direction]

Me: Well that was weird...

Sozlet: Yeah..!

Me: Why do you think he gave that to you?

Sozlet: I don't know... [she might look longingly at the bill at this point as
she sensed where things were going, or she might have ideas, hard to predict]

Me: Do you think you should keep it?

Sozlet: ONLY until I figure out how to spend it.

Me: ????????????????????????

Sozlet: [might answer, might shrug -- we've gone over this kind of thing before.
Likely that she'd get some pertinent stuff in here. If not, I'd reiterate with:]

Me: It could be that he just dropped it accidentally, or that he thought he was being nice.
But if he gave it to you without checking with me at all, that's just not appropriate.
[might go into it further here depending on how she's responding, might leave it at that]


Sozlet: If he were going to take the trouble to do that,
wudn 't u think he 'd make it WORTHWHILE ?
Y didn 't he leave a $20 or a $50 ? That weirdo was a CHEAPSKATE.


Me: What would you like to do?

Sozlet: Figure out how I can get the MAXIMUM POSSIBLE DELIGHT in exchange for $5.


Me: Good idea!



I think the "big deal" stuff is not so much about whether it couldn't
possibly have been done for nefarious reasons, but that punching the
guys lights out literally or metaphorically isn't necessarily called for.