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Don 't Take $$ From Strangers ??

 
 
Chai
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 09:14 am
gosh boom, we are so in agreement on this....

I don't see the issue as being "what then?"

I think that's entirely up to the individual parent and his relationship to his child.

My issue, like boom, is "this is a big deal"....or more acurately, it's a big enough deal to not say it's "no big deal"....again, there are so many levels between No Big Deal and Big Deal. I can't say exactly where this falls on the Big Deal scale, but it's definately not on zero.

As has been said over and over, unless we were actually there, there's no definate way to tell, it's just a moot point.

For instance, I think people have been seeing me as from going from nothing to High Alert Level 5, regardless of what a stranger did....as if I'd react the same to a stranger grabbing my kids butt as to saying Hi.

So yes, a stranger giving a child money is "a big deal", it would cause me, to a great or lesser extent to "punch his lights out" as well as giving an opportunity to talk to the kid about this being inappropriate and not to take money from strangers.

You know boom, when I met you and Moe, I was really looking forward to finding out what he was like in person....but, when we all sat down, I said hello to him and smiled, then I started talking to you, not him. I remember him very naturally joining in with his 2 cents, and you responding to me, and him, bringing it all together. Then, I started addressing him, more and more, keeping you in the loop on conversation, but basically talking to him.

I don't recall anyone indicating something "odd" was going on. Mo certainly didn't seem to think I was ignoring him at the start.

So, like did Mo tell you afterwards I was all unfriendly and wouldn't even meet his eyes?



Regarding this Random Acts of Kindness this....as I said before, make sure the act is truly kind....you're not doing a parent any favors by giving their kid money/candy/bananas out of the blue when you have no idea what the parent wishes the child to learn about this.

AGAIN....err on the side of caution. Even if it means appearing "odd"

anyway, I always perceive random acts of kindness as being an anonymous thing, not calling attention to the giver.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 09:20 am
oh yeah....and the girl and the bus fare....that's what I would have done boom.

the girl would never have known I paid her fare.

I would've given the driver a buck and then just minded my own bees wax.

The girl will be grateful whether she knows who did it or not.

What's so important about others knowing when you're dong something nice for them anyhow? To me, now you're just building yourself up.
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Walter Hinteler
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 09:25 am
(I wonder, how some of you would react if they lived in a child-friendly society/culture.)
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 09:33 am
Walter Hinteler wrote:
(I wonder, how some of you would react if they lived in a child-friendly society/culture.)



Can you expound on that?

I don't know what you mean.



Do you mean a fantasy world where any little child can run up to any adult and each one would be totally enchanted with the other?

How about a Woman-friendly society, one where a female can go about her business and have no fear of being raped in their own home, or ignored in favor of men in the workplace?

I wonder how some of us would react to that?

How about a Fat Friendly Society? An Elderly Friend Society? A Quiet Friendly Society? A Childless Friendly Society?
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Walter Hinteler
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 09:41 am
Actually, most, if not all, of our political parties have "child-friendly" in their programs.

What I mean is that giving e.g. some money to children who you find nice, who you like ... isn't that "abnomal" is called here on the thread elsewhere.

Not saying that it's the rule or eveyday-normality.

I like sozobe's approach.
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Doowop
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 10:00 am
Walter Hinteler wrote:
(I wonder, how some of you would react if they lived in a child-friendly society/culture.)


Some of the people that live here are very child friendly. Soham springs to mind.

You seem to be intimating that those who think this is a big deal are in some way wishing that the rest of the population ignores their children completely, and that adults should never have interaction with a child. This is way off the mark, but there are common sense rules of approach, and a certain etiquette about how this canhappen. I had absolutely no problem at all with my two chatting to strangers when they were young, as long as I'd had the chance to chat to them first and judge their characters.
There is no way on god's earth that I would have let a completely unknown male adult chat to them without having gone through me first. It can be done subtly, and it usually took only a few seconds to realise that they were no threat, but they had to go through me all the same.

Elderly ladies, mum's with kids and most females only just about registered on my alarm scale. I'd still feel a slight need to strike up a friendly converstaion first, mind. Just in case they were a bunny boiler.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 10:02 am
oh....so you do mean that fantasy world.
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Doowop
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 10:02 am
Who, me?
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 10:10 am
Doowop wrote:
Who, me?


no dear.
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Doowop
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 10:11 am
I thought for a minute there that you changed beds quicker than a Scarborough landlady. Very Happy
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 10:41 am
Quote:
So, like did Mo tell you afterwards I was all unfriendly and wouldn't even meet his eyes?


On the contrary. Your approach towards Mo was perfect.

And your comment really got me thinking...

When Mo first came here and we were having some problems I discussed at length on a few threads about how he was quite indiscriminate (promiscuious was the word I used but some people took offense thinking of the word in a sexual way) with strangers.

Perhaps it was from having so many caretakers in his early years, but "pleasing" people, including strangers, was a major goal. It was a BIG problem.

It took years and consultations with therapists and loads of work to get him to regard people with a bit of suspicion and to look to me for cues. He is still overly-friendly and trusting but now he does check my reaction.

Someone who might engage him has absolutely no idea of the struggle we went through to get this far.

So yeah, people need my permission to engage Mo. If that makes me psycho-over-protective-call the cops-mom so be it.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 11:39 am
I mentioned earlier that I could see the point of a simply FYI call to cops or whomever, as a piece of the puzzle in case that guy was doing other weird things.

I do think that the reaction that Chai described (complete with ALLCAPS and !!!??? punctuation) was over-the-top and over-protective -- but she's since said that punctuation aside she doesn't actually condone yelling, so... <shrug>
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happycat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 12:14 pm
sozobe wrote:
I mentioned earlier that I could see the point of a simply FYI call to cops or whomever, as a piece of the puzzle in case that guy was doing other weird things.

I do think that the reaction that Chai described (complete with ALLCAPS and !!!??? punctuation) was over-the-top and over-protective -- but she's since said that punctuation aside she doesn't actually condone yelling, so... <shrug>


I'm sorry, but I really don't see what good telling the bus driver or calling the cops would do. The guy got off the bus. He said nothing. He asked for nothing. I would think the bus driver would shrug his shoulders and ask what he's supposed to do. As far as the cops, well, I think they've got bigger things to deal with.
We weren't there and we don't know what actually transpired except for what David saw from a distance.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 12:27 pm
happycat wrote:
sozobe wrote:
I mentioned earlier that I could see the point of a simply FYI call to cops or whomever, as a piece of the puzzle in case that guy was doing other weird things.

I do think that the reaction that Chai described (complete with ALLCAPS and !!!??? punctuation) was over-the-top and over-protective -- but she's since said that punctuation aside she doesn't actually condone yelling, so... <shrug>


I'm sorry, but I really don't see what good telling the bus driver or calling the cops would do. The guy got off the bus. He said nothing. He asked for nothing. I would think the bus driver would shrug his shoulders and ask what he's supposed to do. As far as the cops, well, I think they've got bigger things to deal with.
We weren't there and we don't know what actually transpired except for what David saw from a distance.



As far as what the bus driver could do, that was explained before....


remember when boom said a man got on a bus and the bus driver stood and said "A pickpocket just got on this bus"

Well, the bus driver KNEW the man had either stolen or was strongly suspected of stealing from his passangers, and was giving the heads up.

What if you approached the bus driver and told him what happened and he said...."All right then, this is the THIRD time he's been reported for approaching children. The next time he gets on this bus the authorities will be waiting for him.

I know, it's another "what if, what if, what if" situation, which I'm trying to get away from. But if a child was approached in this way, what makes you think this hasn't happend before? Sure, sure you could say "How do you know it has?" But, that is what erring on the side of caution is all about.

If I report him to the bus driver, and the drivers never seen him before, of course it might have been a once in a lifetime thing.....however..."What IF" a couple days later someone else comes up and says the same thing about the same man? He would then be able to start watching for a trend.

All this talk about "what would the bus driver do?" "it really doesn't happen that often" It feels like not everyone sees the world as it really is....not entirely evil....but not entirely innocent either. Again, as I've said before, ask a parent of a child who's been molested if they would have done something differently.

It "doesn't happen that often" until it happens to your child.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 12:28 pm
I think it would do nothing if the money-drop is all the guy did. It might do something if the guy then does other weird things that are reported (like taking pictures of kids in a playground and then running away when approached), and that these individual weird incidents could then eventually coalesce into something that would cause the police to take notice. I don't think I would do it, but I see the point of it.
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happycat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 12:41 pm
On a recent episode of Kathy Griffin - My Life on the D List on Bravo, she tried to give away money to strangers. I think it was $100 each. I couldn't believe how many people refused to take the money, even though she was being followed by a camera crew.
It's sad that people can't accept the idea of "Random Acts of Kindness" without thinking that there's another agenda.
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nimh
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 03:28 pm
Doowop wrote:
If he'd got off the bus and the doors had closed, I would either have asked the driver to stop (heat of the moment, knowing me I'd do that and possibly feel stupid after) or at least make enough of a scene so that people around me would have been aware that something had gone on.

Eh. I'm guessing that any big city bus driver accosted by a passenger making a scene and demanding him to stop the bus - because some stranger gave his kid a 5$ bill right before getting off the bus a coupla streets ago - will drive on and not stop. At least I hope so. Someone's gotta keep a sense of perspective, and bus drivers are pretty good at that. They seen all kinds of ****.

Doowop wrote:
It certainly wouldn't have involved me shaking the man by the hand and declaring that he must be a fine upstanding member of society, who's generosity has made my lad's day, wishing him a good day and patting him on the back as he exited the bus.

Yeah, because that of course is what other posters here have been suggesting.. not. Rolling Eyes
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nimh
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 03:29 pm
Oh, and Sozobe has of course said things much better than I ever could - again.. :wink:
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Doowop
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 04:15 pm
nimh wrote:
Doowop wrote:
If he'd got off the bus and the doors had closed, I would either have asked the driver to stop (heat of the moment, knowing me I'd do that and possibly feel stupid after) or at least make enough of a scene so that people around me would have been aware that something had gone on.

Eh. I'm guessing that any big city bus driver accosted by a passenger making a scene and demanding him to stop the bus - because some stranger gave his kid a 5$ bill right before getting off the bus a coupla streets ago - will drive on and not stop. At least I hope so. Someone's gotta keep a sense of perspective, and bus drivers are pretty good at that. They seen all kinds of ****.

Doowop wrote:
It certainly wouldn't have involved me shaking the man by the hand and declaring that he must be a fine upstanding member of society, who's generosity has made my lad's day, wishing him a good day and patting him on the back as he exited the bus.

Yeah, because that of course is what other posters here have been suggesting.. not. Rolling Eyes


Have you come in here purposely seeking a confrontation, nimh?

Well you won't get it from me. I apologised to you once for saying something I shouldn't, without any promting.
I originally came in here to express my opinion, and think I did it pretty well. Just because you don't like it, there's no need to wet your knickers.

Go roll your eyes in a condescending manner somewhere else.
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OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jul, 2007 04:19 pm
Doowop wrote:
OmSigDAVID wrote:

As much as I admire your philosophy in this matter, Doowop,
I must say that I find it IMPOSSIBLE TO BELIEVE that
" there is a small chance that he may have meant no harm. "

OBVIOUSLY, he DID mean a lot of harm.
You are just too soft on him.


You're still in the heat of the moment David.
I'm now calmly assessing the situation like a reasonable adult, over a soothing Latte. Very Happy

Having had a copious amount of time and sufficient Latte,
I say that there is no actual hard evidence to absolutely prove beyond doubt that he 100% meant harm.

Will u agree that he was absolutely a weirdo pervert ?
Will u agree that his dropping cash on the boy
proved beyond all reasonable doubt that he was a sexual predator ?

David
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