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Having an Affair with a Married Woman

 
 
Greg008
 
Reply Mon 20 Jun, 2005 10:12 pm
Been trolling the net for hours trying to find answers to my dilemma. Hoping to seek solace with similar stories, but have yet to find anything. Found this site and am hoping to get some concrete advice. My friends are sick of hearing about my affair and the problems it entails, so I am asking others for help.

I met a married woman on Lavalife's intimate section in August of 2003. I wasn't looking for a married woman... she sent me an e-mail and pursued me. We met after talking on the phone and exchanging e-mails for close to a month. We began a "relationship" before anything sexual started. He husband works full time, she has 2 teenage daughters and is a homemaker. She felt unfulfilled emotionally, she said. She never discussed sex with me regarding her husband. She new to keeps some things under wraps. The first day we met for lunch, we went back to my place and had some explosive sex. I figured it was a one-off deal... it wasn't. We immediately fell for each other in the ensuing months. She told her brother and sister about us. She was either nuts or proud of our relationship. We broke up a few times... mostly because she saw me back on Lava trolling for dates. I figured, hey... you're married, why can't I still look around. I guess I did it to make her jealous. It worked.

Flash forward 1 year and 6 months. We have seen each other practically every week, once a week for a few hours. It's illicit, it's fun, it's fueled with raw emotion and passion. I am in love, lust, whatever you want to call it. I think of her every minute of every day. She feels the same way. Then one evening, she gets a major case of the guilts and tells her husband all. I think he found out on his own because she was taking chances... arriving home late, not answering her cell, being elusive with him. Anyways, she tells me it's over for good. She's not leaving him for me. Why should she? He makes $400,000.00 a year and I make $40,000.00. Then again, we are in California and she gets half even if she's caught cheating.

This went down 3 months ago. I thought I'd be able to get over it. Nope. I feel depressed, sick, tired, angry, hurt, you name it. She's first in my thoughts in the morning, last on my mind at bedtime. Then she ae-mails me out of the blue 2 weeks ago, asking how I am. She tells me she misses me. Asks to see me. Iamb not sure what to think. I'm clearly not over her. But I play it cool. Make a long story short, we saw each other again and made love. She told me not to expect anything more than friendship when she arrived. Funny thing is, I asked to see her at a public restaurant. She suggested my place, instead.

I called her on her way home from my house after the deed was done that afternoon. She seemed aloof and distant. Obviously, the nasty guilt-monster attacked her early this time. I'm afraid to call her back. We haven't e-mailed each other or called each other. What's worse than a broken heart? An uncertain one. What do I do now? Lay low until she calls? Play hard to get? It's been almost two weeks.

Bottom line. I love her and can't shake her from my mind. Do I walk away? Hope for the best and call her? What do I say? What do I do? Please help! I am slowly losing my mind.

Greg
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Type: Discussion • Score: 16 • Views: 59,824 • Replies: 70

 
material girl
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jun, 2005 10:23 am
Im clearly no expert but-
Call her if you want, its yuor life and you want answers.If she feels guilty when you call its her problem.

She is married and clearly wont leave her husband especially after seeing you for well over a year so dont expect to get back together.

When you met up again and she suggested your place and not a public place, she was using you for sex.

I reckon if it wasnt for her kids and hubbies money she would probably prefer to spend her life with you.

Its a heartbreaking situation and I wish I had answers.Most people dont find that kind of love so maybe try and focus on the fact that you found it and didnt search forever trying to find it.
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jun, 2005 10:25 am
What is it with people thinking it's ok to date married people?? Get your own wife. The one you are seeing is already taken.
0 Replies
 
citadelle
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 10:10 am
same old story
i am in the same situation as you (greg) i just met a beautiful czezh girl and within 4 world wind days we had incredicle passion and i fell so hard for her and all the time i knew i was falling deeper and deeper and did not trust her i knew it was fatal and in my heart , even though she told me she wanted a divorce...then before she left my place we had a big fight over money as she compared my salary to her husbands i felt cheap and used and manipulated ,,problem was i could not and cannot get her from my mind ,she is all i evere wanted , the days after she was distant and would not chat just an odd message to my phone, i asked her to put me out of the misery of uncertainty, but she wont just ignores my question and i dont know what to do now as i feel ,(which is the case) i am the one innitiating all contact , shoudl i just walk away and if she wants me she knows my number ..but i know i want to see her again even if only for a couple of hours, so if i walk away chance are ill never see her again,what is driving me insane is i have had more women than i could handle in the previous 6 months before i met her , and i was in control dumping them at my leisure, but she is different , clever, devious ,ambitious , passionate , sexy everything all rolled into one..please someone put me oput of my missery and tell me what to do, i felt at the time she had feelings for me , she told me she was in love with me! why would she bother saying this .....it makes no since, now i wait and wait like a lost broken toy , waiting for her to play with....maybe ...again sometime...
0 Replies
 
baddog1
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 12:53 pm
Re: Having an Affair with a Married Woman
This ought to be fun! Laughing

Quote:
...I met a married woman on Lavalife's intimate section in August of 2003. I wasn't looking for a married woman... she sent me an e-mail and pursued me.

Translation: It wasn't my fault.

Quote:
We met after talking on the phone and exchanging e-mails for close to a month. We began a "relationship" before anything sexual started.

Translation: I deserve kudo's for not screwing this married woman for nearly 30 days.

Quote:
He husband works full time, she has 2 teenage daughters and is a homemaker. She felt unfulfilled emotionally, she said.

And when you asked her how she was working together with her husband to improve their situation - what was her answer? When you spoke to hubby about this - what was his response?

Quote:
She never discussed sex with me regarding her husband. She new to keeps some things under wraps.

Translation: She's keeping her marriage sacred. :wink:

Quote:
The first day we met for lunch, we went back to my place and had some explosive sex. I figured it was a one-off deal... it wasn't. We immediately fell for each other in the ensuing months.

Translation: We couldn't help ourselves... it just happened.

Quote:
She told her brother and sister about us. She was either nuts or proud of our relationship. We broke up a few times... mostly because she saw me back on Lava trolling for dates. I figured, hey... you're married, why can't I still look around. I guess I did it to make her jealous. It worked.

Translation: I am the mature one here - and I just needed to let her know that. And dude - what is SHE doing back on Lava? Rolling Eyes

Quote:
Flash forward 1 year and 6 months. We have seen each other practically every week, once a week for a few hours. It's illicit, it's fun, it's fueled with raw emotion and passion. I am in love, lust, whatever you want to call it. I think of her every minute of every day. She feels the same way. Then one evening, she gets a major case of the guilts and tells her husband all. I think he found out on his own because she was taking chances... arriving home late, not answering her cell, being elusive with him.

Actually - the two of you deserve each other.

Quote:
Anyways, she tells me it's over for good. She's not leaving him for me. Why should she? He makes $400,000.00 a year and I make $40,000.00. Then again, we are in California and she gets half even if she's caught cheating.
So - your sex is not quite as good as his money. Sad reality - ain't it there romeo? Maybe if you spent more time working and less time w/married women - you could make a little more $$!

Quote:
This went down 3 months ago. I thought I'd be able to get over it. Nope. I feel depressed, sick, tired, angry, hurt, you name it. She's first in my thoughts in the morning, last on my mind at bedtime.

I feel so sorry for you. Confused

Quote:
Then she ae-mails me out of the blue 2 weeks ago, asking how I am. She tells me she misses me. Asks to see me. Iamb not sure what to think. I'm clearly not over her. But I play it cool. Make a long story short, we saw each other again and made love. She told me not to expect anything more than friendship when she arrived. Funny thing is, I asked to see her at a public restaurant. She suggested my place, instead.

Like I said: You two belong to each other. You're truly soulmates - a match made in he.. (oops), well, perhaps not that. Laughing

Quote:
I called her on her way home from my house after the deed was done that afternoon.

Ahhh - 'doing the deed'. You are da man!!!

Quote:
She seemed aloof and distant. Obviously, the nasty guilt-monster attacked her early this time.

Bad monster! Mad

Quote:
I'm afraid to call her back. We haven't e-mailed each other or called each other. What's worse than a broken heart? An uncertain one. What do I do now? Lay low until she calls? Play hard to get?

Uh - find another married one dude. You've got it all figured out now.

Quote:
Bottom line. I love her and can't shake her from my mind. Do I walk away? Hope for the best and call her? What do I say? What do I do? Please help! I am slowly losing my mind.

Greg

Hey Greg: I have an idea - call her husband & ask if he has any sisters. Heck - ask him out. Unless of course that's against your moral boundaries. :wink:
0 Replies
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  3  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 01:21 pm
a man who would f*ck another mans wife with knowledge she's married is a spineless pussy....one of the lowest forms of life on the planet.
CoastalRat
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 01:42 pm
Ditto what BPB said. And of course vice-versa.
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 01:44 pm
I agree with Bear. Greg should be beaten and tossed into a pit of snakes.
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 01:50 pm
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
I agree with Bear. Greg should be beaten and tossed into a pit of snakes.


not poisonous snakes but HIV infected snakes.....
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 01:53 pm
Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
a man who would f*ck another mans wife with knowledge she's married is a spineless pussy....one of the lowest forms of life on the planet.


How about just a little making out action then? And what about if the girl is just engaged? Would it be okay to f*ck her then?
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 01:57 pm
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Greg should be beaten and tossed into a pit of snakes.


You're gonna have to run to catch up with him - he posted, and left, over 2 years ago.
0 Replies
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 02:00 pm
kickycan wrote:
Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
a man who would f*ck another mans wife with knowledge she's married is a spineless pussy....one of the lowest forms of life on the planet.


How about just a little making out action then? And what about if the girl is just engaged? Would it be okay to f*ck her then?


feel free to do as you please kickmeister....
0 Replies
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 02:01 pm
ehBeth wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Greg should be beaten and tossed into a pit of snakes.


You're gonna have to run to catch up with him - he posted, and left, over 2 years ago.


hopefully the Kaposis Syndrome is just now breaking out on this prick....
0 Replies
 
dagmaraka
 
  2  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 02:04 pm
Alright, guys. It has been said many times before, but we are have "Ask an Expert" in the subtitle. You may find some posts ridiculous, but some basic respect would be in place. And no, I don't care if the author of this thread demonstrated respect towards others himself. After all, if my neighbor jumps into a well, as we Slovaks say, that doesn't mean I have to jump in also. Especially in Relationships and Marriage forum, people come often in an unstable, shaken state. Making fun of them is cheap, I believe.
He posted in good faith and is here for advice.

Greg, if I ever were in your position, I would walk and not turn back. I would not respond to emails, nor pick up the phone when she calls, if she calls. You will never have this woman for yourself. Ever. She does not want to leave her marriage. You were her secret toy, then some sort of a manipulation device. You were never just you, but a tool that she used. It will hurt, possibly for quite awhile as you were involved with her for far too long, but it will pass.
I hope it's also a lesson learned. There is nothing good that can come out of a relationship such as this one. Next time don't go into something where the woman cannot commit to the relationship.
0 Replies
 
dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 02:06 pm
Beth, greg posted two years ago, but citadelle posted now.
0 Replies
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 02:13 pm
who's making fun? My remarks were made in complete seriousness....
0 Replies
 
dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 02:19 pm
Perhaps. But there's not much advice, just judgment.

Not saying that you have to be helpful. Just trying to imagine how i'd feel if i came here to discuss a problem of mine and was met with a response like there is in this thread.

Shrug, just sayin how i feel.
0 Replies
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 02:21 pm
nuthin' but love for ya dag....
baddog1
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 03:58 pm
dagmaraka wrote:
Perhaps. But there's not much advice, just judgment.

Not saying that you have to be helpful. Just trying to imagine how i'd feel if i came here to discuss a problem of mine and was met with a response like there is in this thread.

Shrug, just sayin how i feel.


dag:

What you call judgment could just as easily be considered opinion. As you might imagine - my beliefs mirror gustavratzenhofer's and BPB's on this matter. And I have to ask: What is your definition of a 'problem'?
0 Replies
 
dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Jul, 2007 04:08 pm
my definition? i don't invent definitions. there are standard definitions to go by

prob┬Ělem (prblm)
n.
1. A question to be considered, solved, or answered: math problems; the problem of how to arrange transportation.
2. A situation, matter, or person that presents perplexity or difficulty: was having problems breathing; considered the main problem to be his boss. See Usage Note at dilemma.
3. A misgiving, objection, or complaint: I have a problem with his cynicism.


Opinion is dandy.... though when you tell someone "you're an unworthy scumbag" or something to that effect, it doesn't yield too many results in terms of solving, answering questions, etc.... which is what people asking for advice usually look for. You might feel better about yourself, that's about it.
Now that is my opinion. Take it or leave it. Or pester me with demands for definitions of things hundreds of times defined already.
0 Replies
 
 

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