Having an Affair with a Married Woman

I am certainly someone who is in this situation and it is the hardest burden I've ever had to bear. I was in love with "my first" at the age of 18 but due to circumstance beyond my control I had to leave her and we fell apart. She ended up going back to an old boyfriend that she had a history of dating and cheating/dating/cheating. he always took her back because they were each other's first's at the age of 14....and trust me, sex with this woman was on a different level. Anyway...I moved on through many failed relationships ending me up without a wife and without children at the age of 37, which i desperately wanted. Technology like classmates.com brought her back into my life after 19 years...only for me to find out she was divorced from said original boyfriend (she cheated) and was now 5-years married to the man she had cheated on him with who she then had a daughter with. The marriage was not what she or he wanted, but they were making things work for their daughter's sake. When she entered my life we emailed and phone called for nearly 8 months before finally seeing each other. Sparks flew and a 5 year long distance affair began. The first year and a half with the expectation she would leave him, but then, like Greg's affair, her guilt over her daughter forced her to maintain the marriage which she said was just sexless and more or less loveless. We decided to continue. She was "my first" and I loved her more than my own life. But over the last 3.5 years, she began a cycle of pulling away. Creating a tremendous amount of uncertainty, stress, and emotional pain in my life. When we were able to see each other every 4 - 6 months, it was amazing. But in our absence from each other, most of the time, all I got was silence and unanswered emails and texts. I tried to respect what she was trying to do, but I've always felt taken for granted, resentful, angry, hurt, humiliated, addicted, sad, depressed, and abandoned all the while knowing she's creating new memories and having new experiences with her husband....and its not me. Our last meeting was horrible, even though we still had great sex, but the feeling of loss I'm having to endure over her ending our affair, "Because she just can't do it anymore....its too stressful and risky" is certainly destroying me. My health is failing and my hope for the future of finding someone that could fulfill me is pretty bleak. Now I'm 41, alone with developing autoimmune illness, and now I have to go through the rest of my life dealing with the realization that I'll never get to be with my first love again. She will never be there for me. Even if later, once their daughter is grown, they divorce....she most likely will never seek me out. I'm realizing I was just used....and I sacrificed everything to remain involved with her. She has to be a BPD/Narcissist to have handled things with me the way she did and the way she's treated me. Many times I have wanted to be vindictive, zip up emails and pictures of us and send them to her husband....just out of spite, so her life can be wrecked like mine has been. I feel like Brenden Frazier's character in Bedazzled, when he sells his soul to the devil to have this one woman, only to have the devil always change the rules and the last minute and his wishes go horribly wrong. In the end, to save his own soul, he has to give her up and let her go. He goes through all of that and doesn't even get to have her. So now...I feel like I'm just walking around with a big giant hole right through the middle of me and nothing I can do will fill it. Really sucks. I have no idea how I'm going to fix my life. - oGC

you know what greg did not come here to have name calling or your judgement. he came here for help and understanding. furthermore, its not very wise to throw stones, how do you know you dont end up in a similar situation. **** happens! he's an adult who made a mistake and those who are judging him are wrong. im sure everyone here has done their fair share of dirt, we just dont know about it. so please dont judge!

I'm sure he's gotten over it in the six years since he wrote the post.

Also, since you don't know Gus at all, you'll be relieved to know that his post was tongue in cheek -- humor -- something he's well known for around these parts.

Bi you are so ancient, and more than more like 80 percent of men fall into that category and you would not have the guts to tell most them man to man. Then what do call a woman who f...s another woman's husband?...normal if you don't have a brain then at least be polite enough not to show the world with your selfish, ego- centric tunnel visioned immature reply

Sir its may be best to move on and be happy for the time that yall had together,for this is one truth she did marry for love of him first and even if she was a dream come true...just like all dreams great or sad, good or bad they all come to an end as soon as you wake..time to stop hitting the snooze button...and get on with your life.

wow you sound like me and my name is greg also wierd...i too think about the woman i was with allday every day cant sleep at nite i think about her all the time i talk to her once a week when she is at work cant cal or text cell husband is watching and is a state cop...i am going to start counseling on friday i dont eat dont sleep...have even had dark thoughts so knew it was time to talk to someone maybe that might help you? cant hurt right? anyway to me her friendship means more then anything if the other happens its a bonus if not nat least i will still have my friend...i hope i just need to give it time...i want to see her so bad not for sex but to say hello give her a hug but she says its to soon,i not sure she isnt right about that but maybe this counseling will help wish you luck take care

Hopefully after two years he realized he was just being used.

PS - Let's call them "troubles" - Blues singers don't talk about "problems"
- paraphrasing James Hillman

i like her.but icant meet her cuz im not in her country.

hi dear, how r u? kyaa hum friend ban sakte hai? i m ayush from delhi. my cell 9555405353

Wether she leaves him or he leaves her, you should want to be with someone you can call your own, she can never fully love you. And what's wores than that is that she has a family and you is responsible for tearing that apart. You deserve better, and in time you will get over her, you just have to find the strength to stay away. This is why so many people end up 6 feet under and never see it coming.

Ok, So firstly I think you have the issue here that you are deeply in love with her, she takes up all of your thoughts and all though she disappeared from your life she still returned, you again got close which would have built up your hopes and now you have been dropped again. To her this may just be fun, but for you have feelings, and I know that they hurt. I am still stuck in an emotional affair and it will destroy you if you let it. Please try to break contact as hard as it may be it will help you in the end. I feel if not she may forever hold a foot hold in your life and you sound too nice to be messed around