Is my soon-to-leave boss interested or being friendly?

His behavior has been inappropriate and getting involved with him (if he's interested at all, which I doubt) would likely be a bad idea, even after he leaves the department.

Why is it inappropriate?

I'm thinking that if you don't understand that people who tell racist jokes are racist people, then you don't understand that a supervisor saying sexual, quasi sexual to a subordinate is inappropriate.

Do you know why he has a weird sense of humor?

Because he's weird.

Most 30 year old men are not going to be serious about an 18 year old girl.

You may be flattered that he is saying these things to you, but he is overstepping professional and personal boundaries.

He makes jokes to get people to react. Hes more interested in Mexican girls than white, even though he makes jokes all the time. Also, I thought he's waiting to really hang out with me and say what he wants BECAUSE of the professional boundaries. He could easily get away with touching me more intimately at work but he doesn't (he just pats my arm)

I do however appreciate the feedback. Although I don't think he's a bad guy, I am definately processing what you guys are saying and taking it into account.

Why is he not married or going with someone?

30 is quite late to start up something - much less with an 18 year old.

Perhaps it's in his culture for the male to date later in life?

You just don't say much about him and what he does outside of work, except to text you silly jokes.

I suppose all deal lies within age gap, 30-18. Your boss just don't know how to behave if he feel romantic or sexual to you. He has no such an experience. If you like him, you should start first and take responsibility to yourself. He is afraid you can consider him making a sexual harassment to you.

He has overstepped his professional boundaries very significantly.

If he does not realize this, he is not someone you want to spend time with. Sexual joking and joking with racist overtones is simply NOT appropriate at work.

I don't know why he's not married, we havn't discussed his life.

It's not his culture to date later. He's white.

Outside of work, he's a huge golfer. He loves to gamble (horse racing) and enjoys comedy shows. He moves a lot. He's agnostic, and is going to transfer to be a jail guard in August.

He never jokes sexually AT work. He's only done it once, and that was when we were texting as friends, not co-workers. I understand that work is professional, but I work at a grocery store. He majored in business. Everyone in my department makes jokes, even racial ones, at work. I work with a bunch of guys. I just can't grasp how what he does is unprofessional. In my opinion, if he wanted to be unprofessional, he could, and would, have gone way further.

To me, it felt like he was making it known to me that he's interested, without crossing any boundaries. But I couldn't tell if maybe he was just joking. Or just messing with me.

Work is professional, even if you work at a grocery store.

He may have majored in business, and even graduated, but that doesn't mean he learned anything about professional boudaries, or if he did, does not apply them.

Ok, I'm going to quote my mother here...."Just because Johnny jumped off the bridge, doesn't mean you should too." You work somewhere where "everyone" in your dept makes jokes, even racial ones. Making jokes where a person works is quite normal, and if appropriate, a good thing. Making racial jokes ANYWHERE in the work place is not appropriate, and never a good thing. Just because others do it, does not make it right.

It may be true that you cannot grasp what is so unprofessional about this, but take our word for it, it is. Everyone who has responded in this thread (except for 1 person I don't know) is over the age of 40, has worked in professional environments, and understands what professionalism is. This situation is not.

Your supervisor is either
(a) Immature himself.
(b) See's that you are young, inexperienced and unable to grasp what unprofessional/inappropriate behavior is, and is taking advantage of that.
(c) Both.

Don't think I missed the fact you didn't answer someone's question as to whether he is married or not. None of us missed that.

Your gut told you something is wrong with this. That's why you came here and asked your question. Why else would you come here is you weren't thinking something was wrong with this? We are validating that something is wrong here. You have our permission to know what your gut is trying to tell you is true.

Yours is a common case. You ask a question, or for an opinion, and when it is given, make every excuse as to why what is being said is not true, and that everything is "probably" ok.

Be a better person than a group of teenage boys that make inappropriate jokes. Be a better person than someone who permits her supervisor to make texts to her with sexual content. Be a better 18 year old than one who let's someone much older than her treat her shabbily by telling her racist jokes and makes inappropriate comments and texts.

BTW, people do not tell jokes to "get people to react" Sometimes people use inappropriate humor as a way to say what they really think.

If someone gets offended or confronts them if they were being inappropriate, they can always say "I was just joking" It's an automatic excuse.

Think about it. What if, when he made his first suggestive comment to you, you said "I do not appreciate you talking to me that way. Your comment was sexual to me, and inappropriate." You don't think he would have replied "Geez, I was JUST JOKING" But then, the comments would have stopped. You would have let him know you had his number.

He's making these comments to you because he knows he can. He knows he can because you didn't object.

You said he's moving to another place? Good riddance. When he gets there, he'll start being inappropriate with some other 18 year old girl who doesn't object, because they can't yet grasp what is wrong with it.

You've made several excuses for him here, trying to convince us he's a nice guy.

He's not. There is a world of difference between a 30 year old man and an 18 year old girl. You don't yet get professional boundaries, and he's well aware of that.

Go ahead, make me a liar. Next time he makes a racial or sexual comment to you, tell him you don't like that, that you find that offensive, and he's being inappropriate as a supervisor.

I'd love to hear what his response would be. I'm sure it would include the phrase "I was just joking"

Professional standards don't end at the work doorstep.

Listen to chai - and think about why you are making excuses for someone who is behaving inappropriately.

I did in fact did say he is married. It was to punky. And no I just didn't understand your reasoning. I'm not trying to argue that he's a good guy. I just hadn't been convinced with someone just saying it's inappropriate. If you make a statement, you have to clarify it and explain it. The age doesn't bother me as much, so I'm dismissing that fact. Just because I don't understand how it's inappropriate doesn't mean I'm saying that it's not. I just don't understand it. However, since all of you are on the same page, I'd have to listen and agree. This has been the most helpful forum yet. I definately have a change of heart.

Actually, you said you didn't know whether or not he was married.



He's opinionated, a racist, argumentative, a show pony, a tease, a gambler, sexist, more than likely controlling.

He can't stay in one place, uses comedy to cover his weaknesses. A gambler plays by very little rules or concern for others.

A jail guard / security guard / has the control.

His words are inappropriate because he's stringing you along and thinking about it. But, his thoughts are sexual only. And he's making that very clear. But then joking so that he can claim he's not, in the event you ever accuse him of such. He's not a "man". He should be ashamed of himself.

If this guy was 60 and said these things to you, off course you wouldn't have text "pretty" and flirted, but if he had given you the opinion that he wanted to sleep with you but you are too young, you would have gone eweeee.

Nothing wrong with crushes and that is what you have. But please don't read into it any further on his behalf. Re-read above. And what everyone has been stating to you.

"I don't know why he's not married" my exact words. Hes not married. I don't know why not. That's a silly question. If he's joking then why is he brining me to a restaurant once he leaves? So he's just trying to get in my pants?

I think that the question of why people asked you why isn't he married, is they are suggesting that at 30 one would have thought you found your "soul mate" and settled down by that age. But, he's self interested and obviously has no intention of doing so. He could be career orientated but visualise a man who has not in the past, settled down, been perhaps sexually active for 14 years and has not found a deep connection with someone that he wants to call his wife.

Is it plausible therefore that he is just trying to get into our pants? That his flirting is perhaps in-appropriate? He already has called you a "child" to you that would hit hard I would imagine, you want to feel like a woman not a child. But, in that he acknowledges that you are "young" and he should steer clear of his playboy ways, yet he can't help himself.

He should be ashamed of himself.

Why do you think he is taking you out for dinner?

I'll bet he's leaving in August just to get away from her