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Can I get my mom on child neglect?

 
 
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 04:25 pm
I'm 15, and ever since Wednesday night, she's been going out to bar, everynight, she drinks everyday. And when she goes out to the bar she finds some stranger and has sex with them. I called her last night twice and she wouldn't answer but I answered my grandma's phone when she called and told her how on the news a woman got stabbed at a bar and all she did was laugh. She never even came home last night. And she still hasn't come home and its 6:23pm. She doesn't give a **** about me she's 41, and is going out acting like a teenager. Now I'll admit I am mature for my age but I find this behavior unacceptable. What should I do? And can I get her for child neglect?
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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 4,284 • Replies: 24
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BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 04:38 pm
@MorganBieber,
At 15 as long as you have food in the house and your other basic needs are being taken care of she have a right to go out with you at home.

Your not approving of her behaviors is not of itself child abuse and using child welfare as a means to try to change her behaviors could have bad results for you.

You have other family members such as your grandmother and I would suggest trying to work through them not the state.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 04:44 pm
@MorganBieber,
Firstly, if this is really the case, then her behavior is irresponsible but might not be a legal issue.

But...is turning her in something you REALLY want to do...when you consider what the consequences might be. Would you prefer foster care as determined through a court case that might drag on?

Can you stay elsewhere? Can you get your grandmother involved? Can you stay there temp or perm? Consider only family involvement as a first choice, then turn her in as a last resort if she is not providing you with food, appropriately healthy and SAFE (non neglectful and non-abusive) shelter. and only if you can't stay with other family members.
ossobuco
 
  0  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 04:52 pm
@Ragman,
two other threads of Morgan's that may be relevant -
http://able2know.org/topic/170234-1
http://able2know.org/topic/170230-1

Morgan, I don't know, but wiser minds than mine will probably see this thread.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 04:55 pm
@MorganBieber,
Is this something you can talk to your grandmother about? any teachers you trust to discuss this with?

You''re probably too old now for child neglect to be an issue - you are legally old enough to be left alone. On the flip side, you may also be old enough to be legally emancipated - and have access to the survivor benefits to pay for alternate accommodation/food etc.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 04:57 pm
@ehBeth,
That's what I was thinking..
0 Replies
 
plainoldme
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 05:09 pm
@ehBeth,
Depending upon the state, children can, at age 14, sign their own adoption papers and other legal documents with the proper certification.

I strongly suggest this young man begins by speaking to his guidance counselor at school. The counselor will know more about legal issues and alternatives.

ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 05:11 pm
@plainoldme,
If I remember he (or she) does online school. But I may be mis-remembering on that.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 05:15 pm
@plainoldme,
Quote:
strongly suggest this young man begins by speaking to his guidance counselor at school. The counselor will know more about legal issues and alternatives


Once more it is very very easy to call in the state but it tend to be a step that can not be taken back. Second talking to a school counselor who have a duty to report is the same as going directly to the state.

Working by way of family members if at all possible seem to be the best way to try to address this problem.
0 Replies
 
plainoldme
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 06:01 pm
@MorganBieber,
Ever since Wednesday night. Was that Wednesday the 30th? Are you saying this is new behavior or behavior that recently became more extreme?


If you answered your grandmother's phone, do you live with your grandmother or were you staying there while your mother went out? Do the three of you live together?
0 Replies
 
electronicmail
 
  -3  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 06:48 pm
@Ragman,
Ragman wrote:

turn her in as a last resort if she is not providing you with food, appropriately healthy and SAFE (non neglectful and non-abusive) shelter.

This poster says she's short and weighs 170 lbs. Food she's got.

The mother should turn her in for abusive postings on internet forums.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 06:50 pm
@electronicmail,
'She' is a he, I believe. And perhaps, if you have no sympathy, you might find a thread that suits you better?
electronicmail
 
  -3  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 06:52 pm
@Ragman,
I smell a rat. The story doesn't hang together.

I got no sympathy for liars, if you do suit yourself.
0 Replies
 
MorganBieber
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 07:38 pm
@ossobuco,
Yes I am a she, and I do attend online school.
0 Replies
 
MorganBieber
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 07:40 pm
@Ragman,
I'm a girl but thanks.
MorganBieber
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Apr, 2011 07:47 pm
@MorganBieber,
I would like to thank the people with the helpful information, or at least being polite. For those that weren't: just because it is the internet doesn't give you the right to say things you wouldn't say in person.
presynaras
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 4 Apr, 2011 06:16 am
@MorganBieber,
I can understand your problems and she is neglecting you. Being a mature person, instead of finding faults with her, you should try to find her real problem that is making her drink and have sex with strange. Somehow convey your disappointment and if she does not change herself, then you can approach organizations to help you. hope your life becomes better
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Apr, 2011 06:31 am
Alateen is an organization that helps young people deal with relative who is an alcoholic. It is a part of Alcoholics Anonymous. I think that it would be valuable for you to check this out:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/alateen.html

BTW, how did it happen that you are getting your schooling online? It seems to me that with the pressure of living with your mother, it would be much better if you got out of the house for part of the day. By getting out, you can interact with kids your own age, and also find some adult (teacher, counselor, etc.) to whom you can relate.

I have known a number of people from dysfunctional households whose life was changed for the better by having role models that they met at school.
0 Replies
 
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Cara Mia
 
  0  
Reply Mon 4 Apr, 2011 01:44 pm
@MorganBieber,
Hi, Morgan...

On another thread you stated that your mom works at a job, taking home about 1600 dollars monthly after taxes. This doesn't indicate neglect... this is a working woman who apparently wants free time on the weekends and doesn't want to feel she must stay with her teenager during her off-hours. She apparently wants you to be more independent, at age fifteen, and less dependent. It reminds me of mother bears who at some point reject their children so they're forced to go out into the world to find their own way. Your mom must think you're ready.

At one time I homeschooled my kids and I know it can be lonely for children and teens. It is important that you have your own social life. How are you doing with that?

Criticizing her on morality issues isn't wise. You can't know exactly what she's doing when she's not with you, or what's going through her head. If she's been single for years, she's probably lonely for male companionship. This isn't as bad as you may think. And many adults choose to drink alcohol. If you don't like the things you believe she's doing, then don't do them in your own life. But recognize she has the right to live her life the way she wants to... and that she's still working to make a living which requires a level of responsibility she's capable of handling.

Calling this child neglect and calling the authorities probably wouldn't make your situation better. Children taken into foster care (and at this point you'd probably be in a group home) tend to lose a lot. They lose a lot of freedom, independence, their comfort, security, private home computer, friends, neighborhood, pets, opportunity to see relatives, phone privileges - all kinds of things! I don't recommend a call to CPS or child welfare services (whatever it is called in your state). Most teens that do this end up regretting it. Statistics have shown that children are ten times more likely to be abused in foster homes than in their natural family homes. See http://www.fightcps.com for more information on that.

And besides, you're fifteen! I've known people who left home at fourteen and made it on their own.

So my recommendation is to detach from your mom and work on making your own life happier and more fulfilling.
 

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