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Why do I feel lonely after having sex?

 
 
Reply Sun 25 Jul, 2010 10:49 pm
I am a 23 year old female and have had about 9 new sexual partners in the last year. After the first time of having sex with someone new, I tend to feel lonely after that person leaves. Is there a physiological explanation? A psychological explanation? Is this my mind's way of telling me that I should be looking for a more long-term relationship or that I should become more comfortable with a person before sleeping with them?
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 12:29 am
@medorose,
I'm not clear if this is not a conjecture question, and even, the next question (should be looking for) - it all sounds very mechanistic. As does the more serious question, re comfort

Medorose, I am guessing you have relationship confusion. This is not a negative on my part to you - I am guessing you have a certain kind of personality, seems strong.

I'm not against you for number of parters, Medorose. Or for being lonely re sex. That can happen for many of us. The question is, re you or the rest of us -connection to other people to love if you can find that.

Meantime, be well, regard yourself well.

Osso.

Like duh, I should mention contraceptives.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 07:29 am
What do you meann"lonely"?

Having sex with someone can be very intense. Of course when he/she leaves after that, you are now without those close, intense feelings.

I would hope you would have a smile on your face afterwards.

PS: Nine partners? Something tells me that you are not developing relationships before you have sex.

PSS Are these partners calling you again? If not, maybe you are really feeling "used' Yes, one night stands can make someone feel lonely afterwards.
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  4  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 07:46 am
@medorose,
medorose wrote:
I tend to feel lonely after that person leaves

That's probably because you're alone at that point.
0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 09:20 am
@medorose,
If you are feeling alone, it's probably because you are only having sex with someone who does not love you. What you are looking for is an emotional connection. Woman tend to connect sex with affection and love while most men consider it to be casual sex unless they love you.

BBB
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 09:23 am
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:

If you are feeling alone, it's probably because you are only having sex with someone who does not love you. What you are looking for is an emotional connection. Woman tend to connect sex with affection and love while most men consider it to be casual sex unless they love you.

BBB


exactly.

I think she's feeling lonely Because she's had 9 different partners in a year.
djjd62
 
  3  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 09:26 am
i don't get it, i mean i'm alone when i'm having sex, it's no bi............uh, oh boy, this might be a different topic all together Embarrassed
dyslexia
 
  3  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 09:34 am
@chai2,
psychobabble, some women/some men/some people have expectations that are inconsistent with experiences. I woman (or a man) could feel lonely after having sex with one partner year in and year out while another woman (or man) could feel lonely after having sex with a different partner every night of the week.
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 09:42 am
@dyslexia,
dyslexia wrote:

psychobabble, some women/some men/some people have expectations that are inconsistent with experiences. I woman (or a man) could feel lonely after having sex with one partner year in and year out while another woman (or man) could feel lonely after having sex with a different partner every night of the week.


yeah, but I think there's something deeper going on with a man OR woman who has 9 different partners in a year.

In General, someone who is together wouldn't be looking for that many different partners.
dyslexia
 
  3  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 09:54 am
@chai2,
Quote:
In General
and therein lies the rub, I don't think there is an in "General" when it comes to human sexuality, decades of studies and surveys repeatedly find significant variance in human sexuality. What it always seems to come down to is quite bluntly
"what I do sexually, is normal, what others do that is different than what I do is abnormal". This "men do/think &&&& and women do/'think &&&&& is blatant gender bias.
0 Replies
 
Diane
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 12:02 pm
@djjd62,
Quote:
i don't get it, i mean i'm alone when i'm having sex, it's no bi............uh, oh boy, this might be a different topic all together


LOL, djjd, you should be blushing.......
roger
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 12:05 pm
@Diane,
We've just got to get that boy to Albuquerque one of these days.
0 Replies
 
Diane
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 12:10 pm
@medorose,
Medorose, to me, it sounds like you really don't have enough experience with relationships, whether gay or straight.

Do you know the reason you haven't had long term relationships? It is sad to read of your sadness, as sex can be the closest experience between two people.

Do you have any close friends whith whom you can talk about this? Even old married couples can occasionally feel lonely after sex if the rest of their relationship isn't working well.

Obviously, I'm asking more questions than you. I wish I could help you, but maybe by asking yourself more questions might help you see within yourself for the answer.
0 Replies
 
talk72000
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 12:49 pm
@medorose,
If the guys knew you had so many sex partners they will treat you as a nympho and forget about you.
dyslexia
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 01:03 pm
@talk72000,
I didn't realize Eisenhower was still president.
0 Replies
 
The Pentacle Queen
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 01:48 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:

If you are feeling alone, it's probably because you are only having sex with someone who does not love you. What you are looking for is an emotional connection. Woman tend to connect sex with affection and love while most men consider it to be casual sex unless they love you.

BBB


Did you get this from Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars? I agree with dys. What a crass reduction and pointless dichotomy. Men and women have the same emotional capacities can feel both of these interchangeably, I don't see the point of making neat little boxes like that.
0 Replies
 
The Pentacle Queen
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 02:00 pm
@medorose,
Possibly. Maybe just treat it as a 'wild youth' ticked off the list and look for more rewarding relationships, even if that's really boring and you have to put up with not getting any for a while.

I don't think that anyone will disregard you, as certain people are suggesting, for having had a number of sexual partners, provided you can prove you're not emotionally 'needy' or overly manic and still have the capacity to hold normal relationships with people.The only damage it does in my opinion is that it can leave a bf/gf wondering if they're just 'another' or whether you really mean something, but provided you're well suited enough and can communicate with each other this should be fine.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  4  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 02:24 pm
I don't know why you're feeling lonely after they leave - only you can really answer that. But I did want to say that there's nothing wrong with having 9 partners in 12 months if that's what you're into right now. If you're not into a relationship of any sort, that's just fine. If you are, though, that's not the best way, possibly, to go about it.

Have you met djjd62, by any chance? Seems he spends quite a bit of time alone.
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 04:12 pm
whew finally I read Pentacle Queen and Mame not playing the "judgment bitch". I could believe what I was reading, woman (apparently from the dark ages denigrating a 23 woman over her sexual rights as a HUMAN BEING. Nympho?????? jesus h christ. She's a young lady exploring the world and herself and that itself can be very loney on top of discovering adult/sexual relationships. Oh yeah and that's just the way men are. CRAP, there's as many men as women experimenting with life and sex and all that goes with that. Those women that want respectful equality, start by treating other women with respect and (if possible) treat men with respect as well. It's 2010 not 1955. Men and Women are from earth.
rant over.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Jul, 2010 04:30 pm
Well, don't want to leave Dys hanging there with that rant, so I'm going to cop to have a few years exploring 'life' and quite enjoying it. I wasn't interested in a 'partner', per se, I just wanted to have some fun. And sex is fun. And wholesome. And interesting. Etc. ETc. ETc. So why shouldn't single people just enjoy the physical aspects of life? Where is it written that that is wrong? Where is it written that you have to be looking for a relationship or wanting more from an encounter than just good, clean, fun sex?

Anyway, I digress. This thread isn't about that - it's about being lonely after your sex partner leaves, and I already admitted I can't help so I'll just shut up.
 

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