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Am I Losing Intrest In My Boyfriend?

 
 
Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2009 06:36 pm
My boyfriend and I have been going out for 5 months now and everything has just been wonderful. He doesn't get me mad or angry and we have never gotten into one argument. I want to be with him forever, I know that may sound crazy.
However this week, my parents didn't let me see him over the weekend. When i saw him on Monday something was DIFFERENT. I didn't feel the same with him as i did before. I've become a mess since then. I cry everyday and I don't know what made these feelings come. I feel like I'm not as happy as I was with him. I've been trying to figure out what is wrong, why do i feel so different with him. Am i losing my feelings for him or is my love going away? I think to myself and I don't know how that can happen, because I never want to lose him. Something just feels so different, and I want things to go back to how they normally were. I've been having this bad feeling for a week now and i need help. I've talked to my boyfriend about it and told all my friends, but they are no help.

Please someone help me
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Type: Question • Score: 33 • Views: 69,132 • Replies: 46
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djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2009 06:41 pm
@urlovedoll,
not sure how old you guys are

people fall out of love just like they fall into love, and sometimes there's no real reason why, instead of trying to fall back in love maybe you need to take a break, be by yourselves or see other people
solipsister
 
  -4  
Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2009 06:50 pm
@djjd62,
he should have mentioned the operation when last he spoke of converting to judaism
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2009 07:08 pm
I have been happily married for quite some time dolly, but there are days when I look at him and think "Who IS this person?" That doesn't mean I don't love him, or even that I am questioning our relationship. It just means that occassionally at a particular place and time I can't fathom that I've spent so many years with someone that doesn't even look familiar to me at that moment.

Don't worry about it dear, it's just where your head is at some days. Also, sometimes friends and family can't help you. You just need to ride it out and learn from the experience that it's not a disaster.

When 2 people first fall for each other, they naturally go through a period where they see each other through rose colored glasses. It's a wonderful feeling, but there comes a time where reality sets in and you see the person for what they really are.

If, when you see each other in the cold light of day, and still enjoy each others company, that a really good thing.

I'm going to assume you're young, a teenager. In that case, look at your parents. Hopefully you live with parents that love each other. But, don't they ever have little arguments, or even big ones? That doesn't mean they aren't still in love.

Not seeing your boyfriend for a couple of days, maybe you're seeing him as he really is.

By the way, why did you parents forbid you to see him?

urlovedoll
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Feb, 2009 08:27 pm
@chai2,
My parents did not forbid me from seeing him. They just said i couldnt go out for the weekend.

I'm seventeen and my boyfriend is ninteen. He's done nothing wrong, hes such a great person and i love him so much. I just dont know how or why I have been feeling like this. I feel like im losing my feelings for him, yet I've been sad and depressed because of it. The feeling is making me physically sick, i cant eat, can't sleep, or even be happy. I just want everything to go back to how it was, this feeling that something is different came randomly and out of the blue. I'm in love with him, hes the only person i want to be with and i I know it, so idk why for the past 5 days I've been feeling like this.

I don't want space and I don't want to break up with him, I dont ever wanna see him with anyone else. I have told him how i feel and he said that he just wants it to go away like i want it to, and that hes always gonna love me, and still love me even if i feel this way everyday. That's not fair though, its not fair to him. I know i love him, so why does something feel so different?
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Feb, 2009 07:56 am
@urlovedoll,
did you not read a word I wrote?

Except of course, for the last sentence, which you latched onto like leech, and also added in your own material about needing space and such, which was never brought up.

Go back and reread what I wrote.
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Feb, 2009 08:11 am
@urlovedoll,
urlovedoll wrote:
and I want things to go back to how they normally were.


Relationships change. Period. The "normal" of the first couple of months isn't going to be the "normal" of the fifth year.

Five months is within the window of getting over the chemical madness of new love, especially if you guys usually see each other a lot.

Our brains actually function a little differently when we're overcome by new love. That fades, and could be all that's happening.

No matter what, it sounds to me like you're overthinking it. Rather than "omigod do I love him the same way I used to now? what about now?", just go DO stuff with him. Turn your focus outward a bit.

If things improve after that, and you start enjoying him more, excellent. If not, maybe the chemical madness was masking a basic incompatibility.
0 Replies
 
urlovedoll
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Feb, 2009 11:20 am
I highly doubt that my boyfriend and I or incompatible. Even though I have been feeling like this, I still see him everyday, and everyday I'm with him I cry. I CANNOT stop saying " I want things to go back to how they were"

People say your overthinking this and to try and think about something else. Yeah..its not that easy. Everyday i wake up and feel this feeling. No matter what i do this feeling is still here. It's not just mental its physical. I'm not a person to cry but this has made me cry more than I have ever cried before.

Sure you might think that I'm young and I know that but I'm not immature.

As for what was said about my parents, and to look at them . My dad recently cheated on my mom. He kept it as a secret behind her back. He would say he was flying to Denver for work..and instead he ended up flying to Italy to be with his "lover". Most days now he doesnt come home at all and he's very rude to me. My mom who quit smoking 17 years ago now is back on the cigarrete. She goes and sees a shrink. She's also lost about 20 pounds from her ALREADY skinny body and is a size 0.

I doubt that what went on with my parents affected me much, because I never really had a relationship with them. My boyfriend and I got together right when my dad started his affair. I guess being with him was my way to escape all of it. I've never been in love before although i have had many boyfriends. So i know what i have is real..so this feeling scares the **** out of me.

I saw him last night and I couldnt stop crying, and he couldnt stop crying either because he says he never wants to lose me...I don't want him to lose me either.

I'm unhappy and depressed, think what you want and i do take all your words into consideration, but i'm still feeling the same way i felt. I would do anything, anything to make things go back to how they were.
0 Replies
 
urlovedoll
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Feb, 2009 11:25 am
@djjd62,
I told my boyfriend that maybe we needed a break, so that this could all go away, but we ended up talking right away..actually in a couple of hours.

They say if you break up with someone, and you realize you can't be without them then go back and get them.

I know that everytime we try to take a break or space..the same thing will happen.
0 Replies
 
martybarker
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Feb, 2009 11:34 am
Let me start by saying that I am no expert on this topic, however, I've lived a bit longer than you and have experienced falling in and out of love and know others who have done the same. Life is a process, this will make sense to you someday. Although you feel like crap right now, there is something you will learn about yourself by going through this.
On a happy note, this may be a simple little phase that the two of you will get through quickily. That is a possibility. Another possibility is that you two love each other but don't belong together.
I have a close friend who is in the process of leaving his wife. He feels that they got married simply because they got along really great, never fought and loved each other. He just felt like it was the next step in the relationship before he really understood what truely made him happy. He still loves her but doesn't want to spend his life with her.
What you are experiencing is very normal. And I think it's actually a good thing that you are trying to figure this out. Trust your heart. If you break up you don't have to lose your friendship.
urlovedoll
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Feb, 2009 11:40 am
@martybarker,
Yeah..I've thought about all that..but if i can't be with him..i dont want to be with anyone else.

How does it feel to fall out of love?

I can't accept the fact that , that could possibly be happening. How can it be? When he's the only one i wanna be with. Nothing can make me happy right now, but seeing him makes me feel a lot better than I'm normally feeling. All of this is just so hard.
martybarker
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Feb, 2009 11:46 am
@urlovedoll,
I just don't think that the two of you can know anything for sure unless you take a step back and each take some time to really look closer at your relationship. Otherwise I think you should stop stressing, have fun and see where things go.
urlovedoll
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Feb, 2009 11:48 am
@martybarker,
Okay, Thank You...that helps

I mean I've talked to all my friends and no one can say anything that helps. No one that has replied to my post has said anything that helped me until you. I have so much love for him that I just have to be strong, and we can get through it. It's just so hard, and i wanna speed up this whole process, but thank you, your words mean a lot
0 Replies
 
martybarker
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Feb, 2009 11:56 am
Thanks for the response, however, the women who replied before me are great ladies. Listen to what they said too.
0 Replies
 
almosthonest
 
  1  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2009 02:31 pm
@urlovedoll,
i am going through exactly what you're going through. i love my boyfriend but i just have lost interest. it's been like this for about 2 weeks or so and i don't know what to do. it's good to know someone else is going through this too. this happened to me before and we broke up after almost 2 years. then we got back together and it was great, but now it's just falling apart and i'm getting more and more distant. i have no idea what to do either or why this is happening!
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2009 03:07 pm
@almosthonest,
2 whole weeks?
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2009 08:56 pm
The first thing that popped into my head was that your boyfriend was a 'nice guy'.

A few questions for you :

-Who has the stronger (reality/sense of self/world/life)?
-Do you feel you have to expend energy to prop him up?
-Are you his whole world?
-Do you feel protected by him, or do you protect him?
-Does he say and go for what he wants?
-Does he tell you what his needs, wants, desires, dreams are? (and does he go for them in a self motivated way)?
-Does he pull you into his world? Or does he move himself into your world?
-Do you feel like you can safely surrender to him?
-Do you respect/admire his masculinity/manliness/power etc?
0 Replies
 
angell
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Mar, 2009 04:09 am
@urlovedoll,
what did you'se do in the weekend??
you might feel different because you hadnt hung out for that long or you guy's did somethinkg diiferent in the weekend than usual. if you really want to be with him forever you will go back to normal but maybe its just because you dont actually want to be with him and you dont know it yet. but if you guys are made for eachother then itll go back to normal!! trust me!!
0 Replies
 
curtis73
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Mar, 2009 12:25 pm
I'm more concerned with that catalyst for the change, not necessarily the change itself. Its very normal for relationships to "run their course"; somtimes that's 5 days, or 50 years.

What concerns me is the fact that this change happened after your parents prevented you from going out with him. That means one of two things is happening (in my detatched helpless forum-only snapshot of the situation):

1- your feelings for him are proximal, meaning that you have feelings for him when contact (phone, sex, dinner, whatever) is present, but being away from him shows you that you may not be as passionate as things suggest. Its happened to me. I can be with someone and be all about them, but when I go away I don't really pine for them or go nuts thinking about them. Its not bad. Relationships aren't either on or off, there is a zero to infinity range of possible emotional involvement.

2- your feelings for him are being swayed subconsciously by your parents apparent disapproval. I'm not saying you are a daddy's girl, or you conform to your parents wishes, but this has also happened to me. I'm a momma's boy so that was part of my problem, but I remember my first "girlfriend" in 6th grade invited me over to their house but her parents weren't home. I remember my mother thinking that was a bit inappropriate. At the time I was still young enough to know that my parents were wise, and if Mom thought something wasn't kosher about it, it made me think twice about it. Of course the next year I realized that I was smarter than mom and I was an invincible teenager Smile I'm not saying that you consciously chose to deny your feelings for him because your parents said you couldn't go out, but it can cause you to subconsciously doubt your feelings for him.

Either way, this calls for a conscious effort on your part to figure out your true emotions for this guy. Your first goal is to be true to yourself. No reason to dump him if you really love him, and no reason to continue the relationship if you don't.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Mar, 2009 01:31 pm
You'll notice ms urdoll lasted posted here over a month ago.

She's probably hanging all over some other guy by now, declaring everlasting love.
 

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