Advice for in the bedroom.

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I've been with this amazing guy for a little over a year. I love him to death. He takes care of me, and actually cares about what my opinions and goals in life. We fit each other pretty well. But for the last few months my sex drive has gone down the drain. I'm 18 years old so I don't know if it's my low drive point or not. But the problem with all of this is.... I don't find myself looking at other guys sexually, I can't even get horny to save my life. He gets sick of it because we only have sex about every 3-5 days. He's at his sexual peak and I can't keep up with him anymore! We are planning on getting married which is awesome that he doesn't care about it TOO much. Also, my doctor won't give me any pills because he said he very rarely gives out prescriptions to people under the age of 30. Watching porn is really the only thing that turns me on. Any advice? Embarrassed

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Sounds like you need to take a break from this relationship. People are not sex machines, and it sounds like your body is trying to tell you something.

If you have felt that you had to ask the doctor for pills to improve your sex drive, (at the age of 18!) to please your boy friend, something is badly wrong. Your head can fool itself, but your body is wiser.

He is "at his sexual peak", you say. (Did he tell you that?). He gets sick of only having sex every 3-5 days! Many people would think that was quite often! if you are not ready when he wants to have sex he could masturbate, or does His Lordship think that it is your duty to service his needs? You are not a farmyard animal placed on this earth to receive the sexual fluids of men.

Despite your words that you "love him to death", I think you know that something is not right, because you have felt the need to ask in this forum.

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bonniek--

How is this wonderful, caring guy on foreplay? Is he physically affectionate when sex is not involved?

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Also, don't forget that sex is not just about fun for your boyfriend. It also, unless you take certain steps, can make you have a baby. Not your boyfriend. You. He won't be having sexy fun two or three times a week when you are pregnant! Are you quite sure he will stay with you if that happens? Maybe you are secretly aware of this, and that may be one reason why you feel as you do.

Anyway, it sounds as if you feel that you somehow ought to want sex whenever your boyfriend does, and that suggests a certain amount of inequality in the relationship. Sex should happen when you both want it, and if he is moaning that every 3 to 5 days is not often enough, he does not sound like the right man for you. 18 is very young to be signing your life away to one guy, especially this one!

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Are you on a hormonal birth control, like the Pill or Depo-Provera shots, or anything like that?

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He's good with foreplay it's just I never want it Sad

I was on Depo but I switched to Implanon (almost like Norplant), it has the same horomone as Depo. I don't want to have kids and neither does he! So I'm on birth-control. It's not that he lacks in the bedroom or he 'whines' too much, but I seriously never feel like having sex. I can count possibly 6 times in the year we've been together where I've actually wanted to before hand.

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He did not tell me he was at his sexual peak, I assumed (I'm not exactly open enough to flat out ask him). I'm asking for help for me. Read the post above. Seriously.... On average I've wanted to have sex once every 2-3 months. It is freaking me out. I'm not attracted to women, I'm actually a little homophobic. When we first got together it was any place any time bring it on type of thing..... Now it's, "Get off of me". I don't look at guys anymore.... He doesn't hound me into having sex with him, but every once in a while when he asks I'll do it for him.

I'm not asking the doctor for sex drive pills to please my boyfriend.
I'm asking the doctor for them because I want to but I never am turned on. Oh god, I want a sex drive. I want to be sometimes "Let's drive to the park and do it in the car!" you know, for crying out loud!

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Sounds like you need a "real man" who can stimulate you and keep you satisfied. Give me a call. I'll take care of it.

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NickFun wrote:

Sounds like you need a "real man" who can stimulate you and keep you satisfied. Give me a call. I'll take care of it.

Lol, thanks Smile

But I think my issue is a little bit deeper than that. Laughing

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bonniek wrote:

He did not tell me he was at his sexual peak, I assumed (I'm not exactly open enough to flat out ask him). I'm asking for help for me. Read the post above. Seriously.... On average I've wanted to have sex once every 2-3 months. It is freaking me out. I'm not attracted to women, I'm actually a little homophobic. When we first got together it was any place any time bring it on type of thing..... Now it's, "Get off of me". I don't look at guys anymore.... He doesn't hound me into having sex with him, but every once in a while when he asks I'll do it for him.

I'm not asking the doctor for sex drive pills to please my boyfriend.
I'm asking the doctor for them because I want to but I never am turned on. Oh god, I want a sex drive. I want to be sometimes "Let's drive to the park and do it in the car!" you know, for crying out loud!

You're 18. As you alluded to by saying he's at his sexual peak, you're NOT. It took me another couple of years or so before I really wanted/ needed sex as opposed to just going along with it.

I think that trying for medical interventions at this point is a little like a 12-year-old getting breast implants. Give it time.

While you're giving it time, though, you may want to find someone with whom you are more sexually compatible. There are no universal right and wrongs when it comes to frequency of sex, the most important thing is that both people are satisfied. That can happen if both want sex once every 2 or 3 months or if both want sex 2 or 3 times a day.

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By the way -- with my first boyfriend, I actually wanted to have sex maybe every 3 months but I had sex far more often than that, because that's what he wanted and I didn't mind exactly. When we broke up, after a buffer period of being single and not having to "just give in" and/or resist advances, my sex drive shot right up and by the time I met my next boyfriend I was rather desperate to have sex and was all over him. To the point where he felt disrespected as a person because I was just using him for sex (er, sorry).

After that I reached some equilibrium and things were much better with the next guy (disrespected guy and I broke up), but I found out from that whole experience that the biggest libido-squasher was having a guy after me constantly. It made me feel bad and un-sexy to turn him down, and made me feel bad and un-sexy to have sex I wasn't in the mood for.

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Thanks, that actually answered some of my questions. What sucks, he makes me feel sexy all the time. I'll need to find some sort of agreement both of us can come to in terms of *what goes and what doesn't*

I'm not going to throw our relationship down the gutter because he wants it more than me. I actually am motivated to look for answers as to why the heck yea, you know.... Well, because, I actually do care about him, (which I have never felt that way about a guy). We treats me as if I'm a friggin goddess. He breaks his back day and night to keep me happy, and I'm trying to return the favor.

Thanks everyone, I'll check back tonight sometime.

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Okay, let me make clear before I say anything else that I am NOT NOT NOT advocating that you go off of hormonal birth control! Smile

Obviously being as careful as possible to avoid an accidental pregnancy is tops on the ol' priority list...

Plus, I think Soz is right on in pointing out that you're young and you just might not be really hitting your stride yet sexually...but all that said, it *has* been shown that hormonal birth controls can mess up the sex drive for some people. Here's a good interview from WebMD with a doctor who is researching that: http://www.webmd.com/content/article/84/98116.htm

She says that the patch may have less impact on sex drive than other hormonal birth controls, so if I were you I'd definitely talk to my doctor about whether that might be a better option.

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sozobe wrote:

by the time I met my next boyfriend I was rather desperate to have sex and was all over him. To the point where he felt disrespected as a person because I was just using him for sex (er, sorry).

I remember that well. I pretended not to like it, but damn baby, you were such a tiger. Any chance we could get together for one more roll in the hay, just for old times' sake?

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I kinda of the impression that you are freaking yourself out for nothing, which in turn, suppresses your sexual appetite.

As in, this isn't a problem except that you are making it one.

Chill. Relax. Don't have sex for a while. Go be goofy and don't think of it.

You do get horny (porn) and you have seen the doc so I assume you are a perfectly healthy, sexual young lady.

We aren't sex machines, as much as some people drill it into us that we maybe should be. It is totally normal to go a while with a boyfriend and not have sex at all.

Seriously. Laughing

It's hot to play without the knowing we're-going-to-end-up-in-bed-or-he-will-be-disappointed game.

Just my little >02.

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contrex wrote:

He won't be having sexy fun two or three times a week when you are pregnant!

I smiled a really big smile when I read this.

My poor poor husband.... Laughing

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If porn turns you on, you obviously still have a sex drive.

It's just in a mode right now. Which will probably change and you will find that something else turns you on more. And maybe it is your boyfriend that doesn't turn you on. Just because you think he's a great guy doesn't mean you are sexually compatible. It doesn't make you mean and it doesn't make him a bad person; it just makes you sexually incompatable.

3-5 times a week is a lot. That's at least every other day and at your age, don't you have other things to do besides sex? Perhaps you should connect with him on a different level.

If he "needs" sex tell him that he has a hand and can use it whenever he wants; you are not there for his pleasure only.

Sex should be fun and should not be stressing you out.

Personally, although I don't know because I don't know the whole story, I think that this is just a phase and that this guy is just not doing it for you. I think that if you broke up and found someone else, you'd find your sex drive returns.

Unless of course this is a medical issue and it's your birth control that's screwing with you.

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Okay, lets start with this. Sex has been my slight downfall for about 2 years. I have been on Depo for 5 years. Hey... kids start younger and younger. The "in the bedroom" became an issue for me shortly before I turned 18. I was on Depo and my parents pushed that if I didn't move out I'd get kicked out regardless. Ever since, it's been a C- for me. However, I was sex drive somewhat incapable for 2-3 months before I got Implanon inserted. I just don't know at this point. We used to be just fine when we first got together, just come October (when I turned 18 and moved out), it hasn't been the same. Confused

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I still think (welcome to A2K, by the way) the birth control may be affecting things. It's worth a talk with your doctor, at least to rule it out.

There's also the general cooling off that relationships all go through. That may be a part of it, that the hotcha stuff is less urgent now and you want to have date-y type stuff at this stage.

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Advice for in the bedroom.

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