Hi all again!

It's been a long time since I posted here, and only a night like tonight would force me to bother you all for more advice! Actually I'm not sure it's advice I need so much as the desire to vent a little.

First, an update, so you can see how great you all were first time around. The first time I posted, my wife was gone in Vegas having a great time without me and I got a little jealous and paranoid about the whole situation. Posting here at A2K was such a stabilizing influence in that scenario and I'd like to thank you again for the great, honest and direct comments you had for me back then. A year later, in March 2007, following the advice given here at this forum, I went with her to the same event and met all the people she spent that time with a year before, putting faces to names -- what a wonderful relief to know that they were all very nice people and totally welcomed me to the group -- my wife had a fantastic time with everyone and moreover I wasn't even that needy, which is a veritable milestone of an improvement over the year before! Although it isn't really my scene (sitting around in bars and chatting to lots of people I don't know very well, even if it was fun at times) I actually had a great time and found my wife so sexy in that environment; she totally knocked 'em dead every night and I felt so damn proud of her.

Another valuable piece of advice I received here at A2K that first time was to try to find an adult couple that me and my wife could spend time with. Well we've done that; my wife is a little closer to the girl than I am the guy, but still the guy and I get along very well and actually do some stuff by ourselves now fairly often.

Well what brings me to TONIGHT is along the same vein as before. Back a few months ago, my wife and the girl in that relationship decided they want to go to Europe together on a backpacking trip; you know, hostels and the like. It ended up being a much longer trip than I thought - almost a month - which kind of shocked me, but I swallowed any reservations I had in the interests of her being able to do something she may never get to do again in quite the same way. She's 25 with our 4 year old son and I don't ever want her to regret getting married so I really welcomed this in a roundabout way.

I emphasized how important her safety is to me while in Europe, and gave her a cellphone and booked her into hostels with internet access so she can keep in touch. Every night so far (the past 10 days or so) she's called me for a few minutes to chat. I miss her like crazy, and she says she misses me a lot too. I received emails everyday from Europe too, and that's great.

Now. The last phonecall had to be very short because other people needed the phone. Yesterday in her email she told me she was looking forward to a much longer conversation tonight. This morning, I get a short email from her from Budapest where she says they're going to go to a Turkish bath... sounds interesting,... and she'll email me a proper longer email after she gets back to her hostel. Well.... I never got an email. I wondered what happened to the email, but it didn't bother me a whole lot.... I was just looking forward to the phonecall. Well... the phonecall didn't come at the usual time either, so naturally I wondered if everything was ok. I waited until it was 2am in Budapest before getting so worried that I called her hostel. The girl who answered said that her and her friend went to the bar and hadn't returned yet! This is my wife who, just the night before, had said she didn't want to go out at night to find a callbox because she didn't feel safe.... now she's at a BAR? Who did they go with? She said the previous day that her and her friend went out for a drink with a guy... I didn't say anything but I was a little uncomfortable even with that. Now I hear she's still at the bar, in BUDAPEST, after 2am? I asked the girl to tell her to call me when she got in.

Hours went by, no phonecall. I began to get very, very worried. All kinds of scenarios went through my head, and I tried her cellphone a total of probably 50 or 60 times. I called AT&T Wireless because I wondered if her phone was really ringing (hard to tell internationally) or if it was switched off. He told me it was really ringing. That made me even more concerned, and I began to feel sick. I didn't eat any dinner, and sat home with the phone in my hand, doing nothing but dialing and waiting. I tried to watch TV, but it didn't work. All I could think about was my wife and what might have happened.

Finally, at around 5:45am in Budapest, she answered her cellphone. it sounded like she was wide awake, perfectly normal. I didn't say anything about worrying, but I was so glad to hear her voice I cried while I said, I'll talk to you later. She asked if I was ok, and told me she couldn't email me because the computer was switched off at night, and couldn't call either. She said the girl told her I called.

1) So there were no phones at the bar?

2) She didn't keep her cellphone on her like she promised

3) The computer was only switched off at night, not before she left for the bar

4) She got back after 5am?????

5) She was told I called when she arrived in, but couldn't call me to see what was up?


Okay, here's the question. Am I being paranoid, controlling, weird, and/or worried for no reason? Am I now slightly angry for no good reason, or would you be a little miffed too? Honestly it was her first night not calling, and her first time missing an email that she said she'd send, first night at the bar PERIOD, let alone that late (except the time when they went for the drink with that other guy which was during the day).

Isn't this poor judgment on her part? I worried myself sick; I even took a shower with the phone right beside me in case it rang. I hate the way this incident made me feel.

Okay, I'm working myself up about it again. You guys helped me out so much before, and really we're in a much better spot -- but this kind of thing just really gets to me more than anything else. I feel hurt and betrayed by what I perceive as her lack of thoughtfulness - she says she thinks and talks about me all the time - how come she can't remember to call me when she says she will, even if it's only for my benefit and not her own?