i finally found true love.......but.....

Okay.

What did you suggest as a "solution"?

What is your opinion that he won't "respect"?

What is the "situation he's putting you in" that is so stressing and exhausting?

Would you feel differently if his hobby was... say... building model airplanes instead of video games? Why?

Baseballchic--

Welcome to A2K.

Some more questions:

What do you mean by "take care of" and "support"? He'll take care of you only if you agree with him?

Are you financially independent?

How old are you?

baseballchic was 14 in mid-July 2006

Doesn't sound like "true love" to me. My idea of true love is more of a give and take relationship that also includes the ability of being independant within the relationship.

Baseballchic--

I'm not going to denigrate your feelings by labeling them "puppy love". You are too sincere a person to be labeled like that.

I will observe that neither you nor your current swain are the persons you are in the process of becoming.

If he says that he really loves you--but he just wants to play video games all the time he's with you--there is a mismatch between his words and his actions. He may have fooled himself, but he's not fooling you--however much you'd like the security of an established love interest.

You may be able to reason with him--(and he'll sorta, kinda listen)--but if he won't change unless he wants to change.

Good luck.

i really didnt have a solution because i kinda wanted to work on it with him....not come up with something that he really couldnt agree with

the opinion that he wont respect is some boundaries that weve discussed and hes agreed to before

the situation is that he is jumping houses every night......as in he has no clue where hes going to stay the next night......i cant help wondering if hes safe or if hes dead somewhere.....

and the last question.....its not anything to do with what his hobby is....but rather that he does it so much......ya i like to play video games and everything......but he has no job.....nowhere to live......and he just wants to sit around playing video games all day and all night....



ya im 15 now.....

im not financially independent yet no

by take care of and support i mean put food on the table and help get me through school

i dont know if he will decide to take care of me if i disagree with him...



ya my idea would be more of a give and take relationship......but he doesnt seem to understand that.....

I'm confused, which is not a rare thing. You say you know he wants to support and take care of you, yet he has no job, no place to live and he sits around playing video games all day? So what exactly about his actions leads you to believe he wants to take care of you? And how old is this guy? Is he your age (which may at least explain the lack of a job) or is he a bit older (which would explain his lack of a place to live.)

Sorry to be blunt, but if this is your idea of someone who loves you and wants to take care of you, then you have a lot of growing up to do. And you're in for a world of hurt in the meantime.

Re: i finally found true love.......but.....


These two things indicate that he is not a great guy and he does not love you. Move on little woman and try not to make the same mistake twice.

Baseballchic--

You want this guy to live up to his agreements and he's telling you that because he's a Man of No Fixed Abode he can't possibly keep his promises.

No job...no place to live...broken promises....

He talks the talk, but walking the walk is hard when you're playing video games rather than dealing with reality and people who love you.

He's a needy, needy man and until he meets his own needs, he can't take care of anyone. Meanwhile, he can't be bothered to spare you worry.

He's not worthy of you.

who's responsible for food/school right now?

im starting to see a little better.....

he does prove that he loves me though.....just the small things he does let me know that he loves me.....things like showing affection around his friends.....and every now and then he cooks for me.....and also he took care of me the whole time i was fighting a really bad sickness......he just doesnt have any ambition


he is 19.....he should be working on finding a place to live and getting a job.....he just lives off of other people.....lately hes been showing a little more effort.....but he should have been working on this for a long time......considering he moved out when he was 13 and lived on the streets......he should be able to look at that and be motivated enough to say "i dont want to go back there"......


right now my parents are resposible for my food and schooling......but they are kicking me out......well in a sense.....my dad says if i stay hell get social services involved.....but im working on emancipation......so pretty soon ill be working and going to school just to take care of myself anyway......if his girlfriend can do it and shes younger than he is.....then he can do it too......

My crystal ball tells me you are a young girl who is going to learn everything the hard way.

Please just don't got pregnant. If you want to screw up your life with these naive ideas, go ahead, just don't bring an innocent child into your mess (other than your parasite boyfriend).

Are you practicing saying " Would you like fries with that?" since that's the only job you will qualify for?

Uh, this guys name isn't "Pickles" is it?

Baseballchic--

Right now you're not getting along with your parents and your rootless, feckless boyfriend "understands" you.

Isn't this bf's treatment of you a lot the way your father treats you? Both these men fit you into their schedules when it is convenient for them. Both of them expect you to consider their conveniences at all times. Both of them can be very kind in small ways--when they want to be--but they decide when these acts of kindness will take place. Otherwise they both ignore you.

You deserve better treatment from both of them.

i wont get pregnant.....i wont even touch him right now......he gave me mono.....and im doing pretty good for myself....i just put in two applications for a job......and im planning....not even planning, i am attending college part time next year......ive been accepted and everything.......ive already set in stone that im not letting my boyfriend ruin my life with the same things he ruined his life with


but i dont know what im supposed to do about the way i get treated.....it doesnt seem i can do anything......even when i do try to talk it over with one of them.....both of them just tell me that i need to relax because its not all about me.....the problem is....its never about me....not even on a special event like my birthday.....im getting more and more frustrated by all this everyday......and im clueless on what to do

Baseballchic--

Making plans for college is an excellent idea. College will offer opportunities for improving both your mind and your social life.



You can't change other people, but you can change yourself.

You can either decide to accept being treated like an Inconvenient Adoring Doormat because you are an Inconvenient Adoring Doormat or you can decide that these guys are being absolutely truthful: that "it" is not all about you and in their worlds "it" will never be about you.

I don't recommend settling for life as an Inconvenient, Adoring Doormat.

You can't replace a father, but you can love your father and look for a man who treats you as a person of worth.

Ideally you could snap your fingers and your Video Playing Swain would turn into Prince Charming. If he doesn't want to be Prince Charming--or even consider your wishes and dreams and needs, then you decide whether you're a Girl with a Frog or a Woman Looking Elsewhere for a Prince.

In a way you seem to be pretty straight forward, know what you want, and I think you'll be able to find your way!

On the other hand you are way too concerned about this relationship and sorting your boyfriend's troubles out on top of your own.

My suggestion:

Go sort yourself out first!
Finish school, find a job, make peace with your father.
Get YOUR life in order!

When you are done with that and you look around yourself and he is still there, fine.
See what he accomplished in all this time.
If you like it, you can alway start over with him, if not (or if he's not there any more) you might agree, that you have not lost a lot, but gained a whole life.

And at your age you might not want to hear it, but there will still be so many people you are going to meet and like, dislike, love or hate.
You will meet friends and aquaintances, and at some point the love of your life will step into your life.
It might still be another decade, why not?
Do you think you are not a whole person, without a boyfriend?
Do you think you need a boyfriend to survive?
Do you think life is no fun without a boyfriend?

The answer to all these questions is no!
And I hope at some point you will accept that I am right!

The " but " in your question says a lot
You say He and He some more , what about " YOU " -- You say He
wants to take care of you , though He doesn't value your needs or desires and sounds like He has no respect for himself or you --- It seems like He has found a place to do as He will , and expects you to just accept it --- You say He loves me but ..... We teach others how to treat us , and HE doesn't deserve YOU - I'm just trying to be honest , not at all mean - Good Luck to You

This sounds like a really bad situation;;. As much as you know of love at this point baseballchic, the wisest thing you can possibly do is resign yourself that you know nothing about it;;. That sounds really harsh but you can see the signs that this isn't something that's going to work out in the short term.
I feel so dumb giving advice regarding relationships and love etc.... but here's an odd thought that I came up with one night.

One of the most important questions you can ask yourself and your partner is "how you would like to be loved?" That means that "in what ways do you feel me loving you." I once read a book that talked about 5 forms of love. There was .... encouragement, gift giving, spending time.... wow I forgot the other two. In reality there are hundreds of millions of ways to love someone. Finding someone that can answer that question on the spot would be a trully amazing feat. However, when you search for the answer to "how my significant other would like to be loved...." you will have a great paradigm if you examine the ways that they love you. So you say that he shows you he loves you by showing you affection when he's with his friends etc... I would venture a guess that that's how he would like to be loved as well.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not uncommon that people want to be loved.... the way they love you! Believe it or not, I believe that this concept is where compatability comes from. When 2 people are able to love eachother the way eachother want/need to be loved... they can create a successful, deep, meaningful relationship more easily. The closer that the way you want to be loved is to the way he wants to be loved... the easier it is to reach that. The more different it is, the more work a relationship will be ^^.

For the record, if the games he's playing are online mmorpg's (Everquest, WoW, FFXI, Guildwars etc...) then you need to dump him. The reason being that the problem runs much deeper than you may understand. Videogames are a form of escape to some. When they are higher priority than housing, love, or financial security... then that is the definition of addiction. Best of luck^^