Anxiety

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I've been anxious my entire life. Worry could easily be my middle name. Today is a particularly hard day. My oldest daughter got her driver's license yesterday. She was out with friends last night, as was I. She was having a great time with her new freedom of getting herself where she wanted to be. I was mostly a wreck. I admit that I took advantage of the extra driver in the household and appreciated that she could pick up my younger daughter and bring her home while I was out with a friend. But still, I worried and continue to worry.

This is one of those times when I need to let go of those worries that will probably never come to pass. Over the course of my life I've learned breathing techniques and a few personal tricks that get me through the rough patches -- I'm not a regular smoker, but I just had a cigarette, now I wish I hadn't. I've also come to realize when I'm the most worried over some 'what if' or another, the 'if' isn't any more likely to happen or not based on my worries. Knowing my worries are fruitless doesn't seem to matter; I worry nonetheless.

I got home before she did last night. I haven't seen her so happy in ages. So, why can't I just let her be happy and be happy for her and with her? My two daughters went off to summer school together this morning. They were both wearing smiles. Mine was forced and strained. They'll be riding home together. They'll be fine.... I'm a mess.

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Welcome to the worry brigade, JPB. I think it may have to do with alarms and fears of the past. Guess I will never change, but ever so often that still small voice of calm will appear and for some reason, I become at ease with myself.

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I'm going to say something very encouraging and positive, because it's clear you deserve that. You have awareness and you've got a good understanding of the problem and on your way to licking this problem.

I say this because you show that you know the consequences as there's so little to be gained by worrying. Worry and jealousy are basically useless emotions. You see that worry has never gotten you anywhere...but the emotion is there because it's a learned response since you were a small child. The trick is to take the time to try to unlearn it..and replace it with something more useful, rewarding and that will allow you a little more control of your OWN life and energy. This is no small task..but in time you can take the edge off of it as I'm sure it's exhausting.

Good luck with his as you deal with the effects of letting your little birds fly from the nest. The world is an exciting but sometimes dangerous place, but you can't control what dangers your child experiences. You can only help them by making sure they interact with the world as safely as possible. Know once that is done, you've prepared them the best that you can.

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JPB
I am not a parent but I think it is only natural to worry about your kids especially about your daughter who just got her drivers license. That worry might lessen in time but I think it will always be there.

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Letty, I hear you. Those moments of calm are wonderful, aren't they?

Ragman, thank you. You said,

ragman wrote:

Worry and jealousy are basically useless emotions.

Truer words were never spoken and on an intellectual level, I agree completely. But, therein lies the rub. Emotions tend to bypass intellect and take on a life of their own. I'm fascinated that you partnered jealousy in with worry. I'm not a jealous person by nature and see jealousy as a manifestation of personal insecurity that is directed outward. Very interesting that anxiety can be seen in the same light but directed inward. You've given me something very helpful to think about. Maybe I'm not the strong and secure person I think I am. hmmmm....

TTH -- thanks. You're right, all parents do worry. It comes with the diaper bag. But there is normal worry and then there is dysfunctional worrying that prevents someone from carrying out their normal duties. I should be working today. I'm here worrying instead.

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I've no kids, and I worry too little to a fault, so I have no wisdom for you. But I can offer you a hug. (((((((((((( JPB )))))))))))

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Hi! My name's Soz Worry Obe. Nice to meetcha!

I know, I know. Been there, done that, and have all of that fun stuff like driver's licenses in my future <shudder>. I haven't quite conquered this all of the way, but what usually gets me to calm down is to first categorize it as an acceptable or unacceptable risk (acceptable = your daughter driving, after having taken lessons and earned her license; unacceptable = my daughter driving at the age of 6, no matter how tall and smart she is). If it's an acceptable risk, look at the effect of indulging your worry. There are dangers everywhere, but if we keep them inside in a nice soft calming room with no sharp edges at all times, that is itself dangerous. We can't protect 'em forever, as much as we may want to.

I know you know all of this though. As TTH says, this is a reasonable fear, and I remember you had to deal with a car accident tragedy in your community recently too -- I wouldn't be surprised if that was coloring your thinking. It makes sense that you'd be worried. But you're daughter's happy, she's prepared, she's growing up. That's good.

Venting is good, too. (((JPB)))

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Ah, thanks Bill. You're a sweetie. No worries, eh? Come on over here, I've got plenty to share. :wink:

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Okay, JPB. I'm going to dedicate a song to you and me on the radio thread. Razz

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Hi, Soz Worry Obe. Pleased right back at 'ya.

Yeah, I've heard you mention worrying as a natural part of your core in the past too. I know I'm in good company and I know there are certain triggers that are normal and natural. Knowing is one thing, dealing is another.

I agree that letting it out helps and the fact that they'll be home in another 20 minutes is a good thing. Time and additional experience for her as a driver and me seeing that nothing bad has happened each time will certainly take the edge off from this particular angst. Thanks for the hug -- it's much appreciated.

I'm trying to remember if I was equally anxious when she started riding around with other friends who were new drivers. I don't think so, but possibly more so than when I was doing all the hauling in both directions. The hardest part of that was waiting up until she got home. I eventually was able to go to sleep even though she was still out with friends. I'm sure it will be a while before I'm sleeping while she's out driving.

And you're right. We've had a number of car tragedies involving young people in the area in the past year. She's more cautious than most teens because of it and because of her own innate anxieties -- gee, I wonder who she gets those from?

Ooohhh - A dedication from Miss Letty. Now I really feel better Smile

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JPB wrote:

Ah, thanks Bill. You're a sweetie. No worries, eh? Come on over here, I've got plenty to share. :wink:

I didn't say no worries. More like not enough brains to worry when I should. Take now for instance. I clicked on new posts to see this; despite having about 20 hours worth of work to settle my business and close this place up, and a 24 hour drive in front of me, that needs to be completed in 42 hours and 58 minutes. But, since I gain an hour on the way; no worries. :wink:

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(All together now...)

Bill! Get to work!

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Ah...a fellow worry wart! Yesterday on my way to t'ai chi class (which I take to relax) I got wondering how I would handle a flat tire. I belong to an auto club but got thinking how pathetic I would feel if I couldn't change my own tire, blah, blah, blah all the way to class. Of course, I didn't get a flat tire -- BUT -- later in the afternoon I did have to call a tow truck for a mechanical breakdown (definitely something I couldn't fix myself) so now I'm going to be very, very careful what I worry about.

I wish I could say it gets easier but I suspect the only way to get away from worrying about one's children would be not to have any in the first place. My youngest (soon to be 20) is travelling around the country on his bike this summer and I hear from him sporadically -- mostly I track his movements by checking his debit card use through our joint account. Sometimes I think it's better not to know all the details -- like what ditch he bedded down for the night in last night.

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sozobe wrote:

(All together now...)

Bill! Get to work!

Throw a JPB in with that Bill! and make it a chorus!

Bill, I have a feeling you work well under pressure. "Up against the wall" is when I get my best work done.

So, Bill and JPB!! Get to work!

Let's see if I'm as good at taking advice as I am at giving it :wink:

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Tai Chi wrote:

Ah...a fellow worry wart! Yesterday on my way to t'ai chi class (which I take to relax) I got wondering how I would handle a flat tire. I belong to an auto club but got thinking how pathetic I would feel if I couldn't change my own tire, blah, blah, blah all the way to class. Of course, I didn't get a flat tire -- BUT -- later in the afternoon I did have to call a tow truck for a mechanical breakdown (definitely something I couldn't fix myself) so now I'm going to be very, very careful what I worry about.

I wish I could say it gets easier but I suspect the only way to get away from worrying about one's children would be not to have any in the first place. My youngest (soon to be 20) is travelling around the country on his bike this summer and I hear from him sporadically -- mostly I track his movements by checking his debit card use through our joint account. Sometimes I think it's better not to know all the details -- like what ditch he bedded down for the night in last night.

Oh, man, I don't even want to think about the out of the nest worrying. I have a close friend who told me she worried herself sick the entire time her children were living under her roof. She was finally able to let go when they went off to college because she simply couldn't live with the constant worrying of what they were doing and how they were faring. She said it was the intermittent knowing and not knowing that was making her crazy. Perpetual not knowing somehow made it easier for her to cope.

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JPB wrote:

Oh, man, I don't even want to think about the out of the nest worrying. I have a close friend who told me she worried herself sick the entire time her children were living under her roof. She was finally able to let go when they went off to college because she simply couldn't live with the constant worrying of what they were doing and how they were faring. She said it was the intermittent knowing and not knowing that was making her crazy. Perpetual not knowing somehow made it easier for her to cope.

I know what she means. When they're on their own you're not listening for them to come in at night (or at dawn), wondering if they'll get up in time for school/work, wondering if they're eating properly, did they send those forms back for university?, etc. At some point it becomes their life, their problems, their (hare-brained) solutions Very Happy

You have to step back. We've survived. So will they.

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OCCOM BILL wrote:

I clicked on new posts to see this; despite having about 20 hours worth of work to settle my business and close this place up, and a 24 hour drive in front of me, that needs to be completed in 42 hours and 58 minutes. But, since I gain an hour on the way; no worries. :wink:

24 hour drive... gain an hour on the way....

hmmmm, dinner tomorrow night at my place? COOL!

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JPB wrote:

OCCOM BILL wrote:
I clicked on new posts to see this; despite having about 20 hours worth of work to settle my business and close this place up, and a 24 hour drive in front of me, that needs to be completed in 42 hours and 58 minutes. But, since I gain an hour on the way; no worries. :wink:

24 hour drive... gain an hour on the way....

hmmmm, dinner tomorrow night at my place? COOL!

Dinner tomorrow night would probably have to be around, say Tennessee? Maybe in the next couple weeks though. I'll be staying in Lake Geneva for a spell.

(Foot's to the floor Soz)

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You're on -- let me know when you're free for a meal.

So..... twenty minutes came and went. No children. Did I panic? You BETCHA! Next came the phone call. Heart in throat while the 'what if' birds were screaming loudly, I answered the phone to hear K telling me that she has dropped M off at a friend's house and is on her way to pick up a friend because they want to go to Dunkin Donuts.

Forced, happy voice says, "Great! Have fun!"

It's going to be a long summer..... I SO need to get to work!

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JPB--

Worry summons adrenaline.

Exercise dispells adrenaline.

I've cycled a lot of miles indoors to channel worry productively.

Hold your dominion.

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Anxiety

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