Tricky problem with stealing

I'd say to my Brother, "Hey, when you and blank were over here the other day, did you see my necklace? I'm sure I had it laying on the table. I remember taking it off and laying it there. Do you remember seeing it there? Can you ask blank if she saw it?"

Hey, I like that.

"I really want to find it, I've looked everywhere. It's driving me crazy."

(tried to edit, but not fast enough...)

And say it with enough bewilderment and upsetness. Like it's a very important necklace.

Enlist his help, hopefully he'll pass on your dismay over losing such a cherished heirloom to the gf.

If you see her again, be sure to ask her yourself. Bemoan it's loss. Make a deal out of it.
Don't accuse her of taking it, or even hint at it!

Then if you never see it again, and she did take it, you'll be making her feel squirmy, guilty, and uncomfortable every time she sees you...
She might not want to come back into your house. Hah!

Or just ask the once, then let it go, if you don't like the evil plan.

wow carabou, you're slick.

that sounds like a winner.

I'm with Caribou--excellent plan.

Re: Tricky problem with stealing


It sounds like mimas may have already gone with plan A. Asking him again might be pushing the envelope. Mimas might talk to bro and tell him she's still searching for her missing necklace and could he ask gf if she happened to notice it laying around.

Dunno, given the history of the previous gf, I'd probably chalk it up to an expensive lesson learned and keep my eyes open the next time she comes for a visit.

I'm not so sure, now that I look back, not to sound antique, that subject matter is not talkable, no matter how scalding, if approached in non confrontational ways.

My own family used silence instead of words. I'm always interested in how people work things out. Some, I gather, do it by silent nods, and some by clear confusion taken as agreement, and some by discussion.

I see this thread as interesting, re silence or talk, besides my hoping it all works out.

My thinking with bringing it up (with plenty of qualifiers) was to warn the brother, if she DID steal it. Maybe there's something he's not sure about already, and with a bit more info he'd put two and two together. (Not just the possibility of stealing, since that's kind of all or nothing -- she did, or she didn't, and at this point its unclear -- but that she was weirdly secretive about something when they got back to the hotel, or that she put something in a package and mailed it home and wouldn't tell him what it was... something along those lines.)

Maybe, if she turns out to be extremely untrustworthy, he'd be more annoyed that you failed to give him what could have been very pertinent info that might have averted some trouble.

I guess it depends on your relationship with your brother, though, and that's where it gets tricky.

Interesting advise here, thanks.

Yes I had already asked my brother if he saw the necklace, in the hope that he may have moved it, at that stage the thought of it being stolen hadn't entered my mind. However when I was on the phone to him he asked the girlfriend had she stolen a necklace today, she said no. I assumed that he was only joking with her and told him not to be so rude.

Maybe he planted the idea of her stealing the necklace in my head, but even when I got off the phone from him I still thought it was just mislayed. I have searched my house for the last four days, even looking in stupid places like the fridge and dishwasher.

I still don't want to really believe that she took it, but sadly that is what it is looking like. She is hoping to move in with my brother so she may become a permanment fixture in my family. I just can't help my feelings of not wanting her in my home again, the thought of having to act like a store detective and watch her every move is sickening.

I really don't want to say something to my brother as it would look like I'd be making an accusation without proof. Also he hasn't been that lucky in love and I know that he is really quite lonely.

That's no reason for him to hook up with a thief.

I think it was Thomas who suggested setting her up with planted goodies. Leave some cash laying around or another piece of jewelry, and then watch her like a hawk. Try the mirror trick. Place the bait in a room or at the end of a hallway with a mirror strategically placed where you can watch the bait from another spot without anyone knowing. Or set up a camera, like Thomas suggested.

I can truly appreciate your reluctance with your brother, especially with things being a bit touchy when it comes to his women but honestly, can you imagine having a thief in the family? Believe me, it's no fun having to lock everything up when they come to visit and pretend that you've got a bag over your head when things go missing.

Yeah, I got your point first time round eoe, I have taken my time but have decided to say something to my brother. Not sure of my wording yet, but even if he packs a sad with me for a while it would be better for me to be open about what I suspect. After all if the necklance does turn up I can always say sorry and take what is coming to me. Surely that would be better than letting him hook up with someone that may cause him alot of shame.

Good luck with your brother. Hopefully he won't hold it against you for too, too long. Blood is thicker than water.

I am wondering if he already has a sense that something is awry with his girlfriend. His "joke" is a strange one, indeed. You might want to tell him hat you have not found your necklace, and are concerned about what happened to it. Without accusing, you might want to ask subtly why he thought to ask his girlfriend why she had stolen it. Don't be accusatory, but sound a bit confused.

Share with him that you now feel uncomfortable about the woman, and see his reaction. You know, sometimes the truest things are said in jest.

He may get pissed off at you, but at least it will get his wheels turning. You may prevent him from making a terrible mistake. If you ARE wrong, you may have to eat some crow later, but he IS your brother, and you don't want him hooking up with a thief.

I rung my brother a couple of hours ago, asking him how his house sale is going ( he is selling his house ) he bought up the necklace, told him I hadn't found it and asked if he was joking when he asked girlfriend if she took it. As I guessed, he stated that he was and that I have a problem with trusting strangers. He went on to tell me that she has a permit to stay in the country for another 9 months and he is very happy in his relationship with her. Anyway the call ended with him saying that he would look in his car later to make sure that he didn't pick them up by accident.

He rung me back an hour later, saying that he has searched his car and house but has not found them, he did however seem distressed by it all, so I am hoping the seed has been planted (if of course she stole them) and he will keep an eye on things. The necklance can after all be replaced but trust is a funny thing.