Best Friend turning into lover??

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I think I'm playing a very dangerous game with a good friend of mine. He and I have been friends for the past 12 years...we met when I was recording music and he had a studio. He was with a woman at the time, who is now his wife. I am single. For all of these years our relationship has been strictly platonic-we've never even seen each other as sexual beings. We didn't even start hugging each other hello and goodbye until last year!! (Three years ago I moved out of town...I'm not even driving distance away from home.) Our relationship was as straight as a board.

For the past year we've been talking more frequently on the phone. And in the past few months it has escalated to at least 3-4 nights a week. But suddenly-and I truly cannot tell you what has triggered it-we've been talking more and more about sex. We'd text message each other during the day about fantasies and people we'd see in the street and what we'd like to do to those people; at night, we're on the phone for about 2 hours while he's walking his dog in the park. Here's the weird part-first it was what we wanted to do with other people, now it's up to what we want to do with each other. And we've started sending pix of each other...I don't even know how this happened!!

Today, I told him flat out that I didn't think it was a good idea to continue these conversations because he's married, and even though I'm too far away for anything to physically happen the situation can still get dangerous. He told me he's thought a lot about it and he's OK with it, that it was something new and that for now he's just enjoying the ride. Before we got off the phone tonight he asked me if I was back home would it go any further than talking. I told him that I didn't know. He told me that he wouldn't be able to contain himself...He's never cheated on his wife before and I don't want him to start now. And, to my understanding, he's very conservative when it comes to sex whereas I, WITH THE RIGHT PERSON & TO WHOM I AM COMMITED, am a little more liberal (although you will NEVER see me on "Girls Gone Wild"). So when I was talking about my past experiences with my past boyfriends, they were new to him, and that's where he's finding some extra spice. There is a part of this that is exciting for me too-although all of it is wrong.

I already know I should leave it alone and let things cool down for a while. But I probably won't do that just yet. But does this make me a slut? I don't want him to leave his wife for me. I'm not even sure if I would have sex with him if I did go back home for a visit...but is having phone sex with him that much of a bad thing? I'm really trying to encourage him to try some things with his wife...he says he's tried and she's not into it (she has a bad past in that area-let's leave it at that) so he's probably just looking for some "harmless fun" (although I see where this can get extremely harmful). He says he feels safe to explore with me, and I would be to, if he were not married. I have NEVER EVER been with a maried man before. I do know I deserve more, but until I find him, is there anything wrong with a little long-distance phone sex with an old friend?? Am I the homewrecking slut or are we just 2 good friends having a little fun that will probably pass after a while???

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I'm not going to judge you on any moral grounds as that's a fool's game!

I will say however that if the two of you can garner more pleasure than the harm done then it may be worth it, but if the you two cannot garner more pleasure than the harm done, then it may not be worth it. Only the two of you can subjectively qualify the pleasure as opposed to harm, and even at that, likely only hindsight will give adequate perspective.

I will also say however that certain paths to romance are more problematic than others, and a long distance love affair with a married man, well there are automatically certain complications! What you are describing however is extremely common, been there myself a time or two.

Welcome to the club (figuratively and literally).

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Here's the thing, you don't want him to leave his wife for you. That makes perfect sense to me(I know!) But what I can see happening here is something that feels great in the moment escalating into deep feelings. Then what do you do? Well obviously it will have to end at some point because he is not good for you in the long run. I'm sure the sex would be great and exciting but then what will the two of you have when it's over?

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I think you are right that this is a dangerous game you two are playing. Think about this... you went from being friends... to talking about sex with others... to talking about sex with each other... It's already growing just by the two of you talking about things. If you continue talking in this manner it will continue to grow.

At this point it's merely fantasy for both of you, which IS exciting. However, what does happen when fantasy becomes reality? His wife is not in the fantasy... but honey... she is in the reality. Do you know what I mean? It sounds as though he's bored in his relationship with his wife and seeking his excitement elsewhere. Which is natural, I think. But by going down this road with him you are risking losing him as a friend eventually.

I don't think you are a home wrecking slut just because you are finding pleasure and excitement in talking to someone about sex, regardless of their marital status. The potential problem though is the fact that he's married and that what he does directly or indirectly effects his relationship with her. If he starts finding more pleasure in this fantasy it is quite possible he will start withdrawing from her without even realizing it if he hasn't already.

It sounds to me like that's not what you want to happen, right? Either way you choose the decision is going to be difficult because of the point it's come to right now. It sounds to me like you need to be the strong one here no matter what decision you make. Choose carefully kissn, and remember you two aren't the only two effected by the outcome of this game.