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Wed 6 Jun, 2007 02:41 pm
My wife's friend is staying with us for a week and I'm a bit miffed after a few days, here's why:
My wife did not show me the common courtesy of asking if it was OK if her friend stayed with us. Of course I would have said "yes any friend of hers is a friend of mine".
Around the house, I get the feeling the two of them are in some sort'a top-secret meeting in which I'm not only not allowed, but sort'a disdained or distrusted.
We have a large house but it's a very open design so it's not easy to get away from them, as they most often have positioned themselves in the middle of the house, in the main living room, so you can't go anywhere or do anything without "trespassing".
Here are a couple of more specifics:
Neither of them are showing me what I would consider the common normal courtesies I would expect such as "hello how are you" , "let me tell you about my day" , "how was your day?" etc.
When I get close enough to their centralized location in the open living room area, and they sense my presence, the conversation slows and or their voices lower so I get the impression I'm not welcome.
When the two of them are together I get the look as if I am a some sort of irritation or that I should not be nearby.
Between the two of them they have succeeded in a few days to make me feel a bit uncomfortable in the common areas of the house, and so I've kind'a cloistered myself in the master bedroom.
Now at least by comparison to what my wife believes is the expected norm, she thinks I'm overly sensitive. However I think she's a hard-ass. Thus we do not always share the same ideas on courtesy / politeness / decorum / social interaction. For example she has no problem farting in bed without warning or apology.
I'm not a futz, in fact I'm a lot wilder than my wife in many ways, but when it comes to our home and house guests, I have certain expectations. For example I had a female musician friend who used to sunbath topless on the private back deck and I had no issue with that, nor did I care to try and sneak a peak (not my type) but my wife flipped. I've had lots of friends over, and I am always careful to ensure that they are properly respectful and courteous of wife's presence.
I figure it should not be me hanging out in the master bedroom so the two of them can have the entire house to be "private" in. I figure that if the two of them want privacy, they should go into a room and close the door. I figure if they are in a common area of the house, they have no expectation of privacy, and should show the common courtesies of acknowledgment on a reasonable basis.
PS: I actually was not planning on being ?'round very much at all but the weather was unbelievably rainy so my motorcycle plans were washed out.
I say you waltz into the living room in your bathrobe, cut a loud fart, take a seat, open your newspaper and bellow "Hello Ladies!"
Do you have a real motorcycle or some kind of harley davidson tractor thingy?
2004 Honda VFR = Sport touring delight
2004 Suzuki Burgman AN400 = Urban assault weapon
1980 Kawasaki KZ440 = Unassuming grocery getter
FreeDuck wrote:I say you waltz into the living room in your bathrobe, cut a loud fart, take a seat, open your newspaper and bellow "Hello Ladies!"
Too funny, don't temp me!
Hey dys, you have a machine? I seem to remember you have one or had one. Don't know what the weather is like in your parts though.
Chumly wrote:2004 Honda VFR = Sport touring delight
2004 Suzuki Burgman AN400 = Urban assault weapon
1980 Kawasaki KZ440 = Unassuming grocery getter
OK already, no Harley with plow attachment, next year get a Ducati.
FreeDuck wrote:I say you waltz into the living room in your bathrobe, cut a loud fart, take a seat, open your newspaper and bellow "Hello Ladies!"
Make sure your robe is open and you aren't wearing underpants.
nobody says "underpants". Bimbo!
that is typical of such a situation...
dyslexia wrote:Chumly wrote:2004 Honda VFR = Sport touring delight
2004 Suzuki Burgman AN400 = Urban assault weapon
1980 Kawasaki KZ440 = Unassuming grocery getter
OK already, no Harley with plow attachment, next year get a Ducati.
There are a couple of things that steer me away from the Duc's
Desmo - I do all my own wrenching so I could handle the Desmo but I'm not a fan of the too-short service intervals
Exclusivity - again ?'cause I do all my all my own wrenching I don't need the added hassle of parts hunting
The Duc is a nice machine though!
Print your opening statement and give it to her to read.
edgar- I agree. Chumly, your wife is being disgustingly insensitive. I would let your wife know, in no uncertain terms, that what she is doing is not acceptable.
Flirt with your wifes friend... in front of your wife.
I talked to my wife about it (I was kind'a angry) and she took part of it as a personal attack, part of it as incredulity, and part if it as understanding.
She apologized and said that even though she did not understand nor agree with all my views, she did understand it enough to take the responsibility. I told her I do not necessarily expect her friend to be informed of my concerns, but I most definitely expect my wife to take one for the team, and act on her friend's behalf as needed.
I really like all the more outrageous suggestions though, and believe me I'm up to the task.......tempted!
Don't shave. Don't comb your hair. Burp. Scratch.
Generally, try to look really seedy. A dab of deodorant in the eyes can give a nice bloodshot look.
Oh. And don't forget the onions.
There are two things happening here. Your wife is in a private get together with her friend. The get together with her friend is taking place in your home. There is nothing wrong with either of those things separately. Together, they are making you uncomfortable in your own home. Justifiably so.
In the future she should arrange to meet up with her friend at a neutral location -- girls weekend away, or she should make sure that the time spent in your home is inclusive of everyone living there.
Your wife is being selfish. Plain and simple. Giving you cause to feel like an outsider in your own home is thoughtless and meanspirited. Ask her to put the shoe on the other foot and imagine if it was one of your buddies visiting for a week and, for starters, you didn't bother to mention to her that he was coming????
Good news,
My wife changed her tune and her friend (naturally enough) followed suit!
When they came home they both called out their hellos and greetings, I was asked to sit with them for dinner, and I was respectfully involved in parts of the conversation. And that's all I wanted, the usual common courtesies!
Like I said, it's a really open house plan and there is not a lot privacy unless you go into a room and close the door, something they did not do.
To set the record straight (check my first post) my wife did tell me her friend was coming to stay, but what she did not do is show me the good manners of asking me. Of course I would have said "yes any friend of hers is a friend of mine".
From my point of view, if common courtesies are lacking the relationships stinks. I can put up with other kinds of crap but not that.
I'm happy for you, and fully agree with you!
That's great that your wife has readjusted her attitude. Growing and evolving is all a part of it, right?
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