Should I be hurt?

All right, we'll all talk. Now, can you possibly do your post again in some kind of paragraphs? Or, do we have to do it for you? You seem to be literate enough but not get the basics of paragraphs. (Interesting in itself.)

Should I be hurt?
REPOSTING:

Hi,
I just want some adice/opinions. I am married and I am hurt by my husband right now and don't know if I am overreacting. Let me give you a little bit of the story.

My husband and I will be traveling to South Beath, Florida. We arrive in Florida this coming Thursday and return back home on Sunday. My husband's company is flying us out there on a trip to reward my husband for being an awesome sales executive. Which is great and I am very proud of my husband for doing so well at work. The company is flying 30 other exceptional employees and their spouses as well.

On Thurday nights, Friday nights, and Saturday nights starting at 7:30 they will be having some dinner events going on for us. The reason I am hurt with my husband is because my husband has told me that he's going to play golf 2 days, that is, Thursday and Friday so that leaves me by myself on those 2 days until about 3:00 p.m. then at 6:00p.m. we would start getting ready to head to the dinner events. The thing is we will be in Florida 3 full days and part of 1 day which is the day we leave. My feelings are hurt because in essence I am going to be by myself most of the day for those 2 days. He says we can do something when he gets back from playing golf at 3:00 but that only gives us 3 hours until the dinner event. He also said we will be spending Saturday together.

I told him I would be okay with him playing golf 1 day and then he and I can do something for the other to like getting to see some florida sights but he'd rather golf. I am hurt because I will be at the beach alone, shoping alone and whatever else alone. I would like to spend more time with him but he'd rather golf cuz he said it's a treat for him to golf in florida but I told him it would be a treat for us to spend some time together in florida.

I mean what is the point of winning a trip with your spouse if you're not going to spend most of the trip with her? He said I am being "greedy" by wanting to spend most of my trip with him then letting him golf. But I think he's being selfish by just thinking of golfing for 2 days and spending 1 with me...oh, plus we'll be at the evening events with his company together too.

I hope you understand what I am trying to say. Am I overreacting or do I have a reason to be hurt? I don't even feel like going on this trip anymore. I mean what am i going to do all day until 3p.m. when he gets back? Please let me know what you think!!

(Hope this is better.) Thanks for your time.

- He won a trip by being an awesome sales executive.

- He likes golf.

- You want to spoil him from this prize he won.

- You are selfish enough to spoil him.

- You are overreacting


Life can be easy, you know? By forcing him to stay with you do not gonna make it easier...

If you give him some freedom, maybe he will be considerate enough to stay with you more time..

Go shopping, spend up big, that'll teach him.

I'm bothered by the fact that you seem to not know what to do with yourself until 3, if he's golfing....

It bothers you that much to be alone?

Yeah, maybe your husband is being selfish, but he plays golf, right?, those golfers are fanatics. Maybe South Beach has some kickass courses.

He wants to golf and you don't want to be alone.
Maybe you need to take up golfing.
Or be happy with the time to yourself.
Think about it, you can do whatever you want that pleases you!
Don't you have interests that he's not interested in? Theater, musuems, massages...
Or you can sit around the hotel room and pout, maybe then he'll just go golfing on Saturday too...

How long have you been married?
How long has he played golf?

I don't understand why it's such a problem for you to spend time alone. It's not as if you'll be alone the whole time. You'll have late afternoons, evenings, and all day Saturday with your husband. You can go to the beach, go shopping, go exploring. Why not find out what the area has to offer (via the Internet) and then make some plans for yourself.

What you should do is have a fabulous time. You're going to be in SOUTH BEACH.



They'd have to come and drag me off that sand at dinner time, but that's just me.
Look up where to go for the best fun things for you.
Then go do them.

It's what adults do on vacation.

Joe(just wait to see the look on their faces when you show up to dinner in that new dress you found.)Nation

I agree with the other posters. This trip was HIS reward. Why are you trying to spoil it for him by demanding that he spend every minute with you?

You better believe it, that if I had three days on South Beach to myself, I would definitely know what to do with my time!

Re: Should I be hurt?
[quote="aruvalcaba82"]he said it's a treat for him to golf in florida but I told him it would be a treat for us to spend some time together in florida.
[/quote]

I think you are wrong here...
It would be a treat for YOU to spend the time together.
He has already set his priorities, he wants to golf, and as has been mentioned already, it was HIS reward for HIS work.

I think you should not begrudge these two days to your husband.
He worked hard for this and earned it.

Won't other husbands play golf, too?
Then maybe you can get together with the other wives and do other things during the day.

If you really think that you cannot have fun without your husband, then maybe you should let him go on his own!
But in this case make sure it does not sound like the decision of a spoilt child who cannot get her way.
Tell him, that you will be having a much better time at home without him, where you have your friends around you, and he can play golf without worrying about you!

That might be the best solution!

I on the other hand would go and DEFINITELY find great things to do on my own!

Aruval--

Welcome to A2K.

Thanks for re-posting in paragraphs. I nearly passed this thread by when I saw the dense block of text.

Congratulations to your husband for his well-earned vacation and congratulations to you for backing him up and making it possible.

I'm with the majority here. If your Achieving Husband wants to hike all over South Beach chasing a golf ball, let him.

Meanwhile, you aren't being abandoned on a Deserted Island and I'm sure that your husband's company has arranged alternate amusements for the non-golfers in the group. Personally, I've always wanted to see the Everglades, biting bugs and all.

Your husband has always wanted to golf in South Beach. You're staying at a Very Good Hotel. Have you always wanted to have a day at a spa? Perhaps this is your chance.

Seize the moment--don't waste the weekend.

I'm guessing you don't have a relationship with any of the other spouses. Maybe you could do some advance calling to some of the other golf widows and see if they have any plans. If they do, ask to join them. If they don't, offer to make some.

Alternatively, identify those things that you would want to spend your time doing with your husband if he wasn't playing golf and do them anyway.

I agree that this is his trip. I think you are being selfish.

This is his reward for his hard work.

Why can't you be ok with him golfing during the day and spending the time with you in the evenings and nights?

Or simply don't go.

This isn't a vacation so much as a bonus/reward.

If you'd planned a vacation together and he wanted to do nothing but golf, I'd be pissed too. But you can't fault him for wanting to spend his bonus as he wants too.

I'd go and spend the day drinking Mai Tai's and sunning or shopping. Take this opportunity to relax and pamper yourself.

I agree with what everyone has said here, the only thing I'd add is that I have done something like that and had a GREAT time. My husband had a conference in Hawaii -- free hotel room, at a nice place, for a week -- and I went with him. He was at the conference almost the whole time, but big whoop! I was in Hawaii! I went to the beach, went to the zoo, went to the beach, went exploring, went to the beach... it was awesome.

See this would be a non-issue for me because I am very independent. I would say go ahead and do something I prefer to do. But that is they type of person I am.

I guess I have a couple of questions…do you like to golf? If so, I could understand feeling left out. Is this also an opportunity for him to network with others in the business? This may be more than just golfing - it could be getting in good with the big wigs or clients. Just remember whatever the situation is - since it is a work event even though it is supposed to be a reward - there is still an element of work involved.

To make it easier on you - see if your husband can introduce you to some of the wives of those men he will be golfing with - maybe you can email them all and plan some girl stuff - a spa spoiling day sounds nice. Instead of feeling left out - take advantage of this time with some other women or even by yourself.

If you don't like to do things by yourself, check with the hotel concierge - you could with a tour group possibly or even talk with your husband and see if there are other events that the business is sponsoring that you could take advantage of.

I don't think he is deliberating trying to hurt you - he is simply trying to take advantage of face time by golfing or even taking advantage of being able to participate in an expensive sport he loves on the house.

Thanks Linkat, I'd wanted to say something else about that aspect of golfing ("face time") and forgot. He's going to be golfing with other over-achievers at his company, right? That could easily be part of "work" -- making important contacts, sharing important info, etc.

When I've accompanied my husband on business-related trips, he's considered himself lucky if I even showed up for dinner with his associates. (Boring bunch, they are.)

I agree with the others. This isn't a vacation for the two of you. It's a reward for him, and he's allowed to bring you along. Let him do whatever he wants to do, and do the same yourself. (You're not joined at the hip, are you?)

Should I be hurt?
Hi All,
Thanks for getting back to me, and thanks for all your imput.

As for the other wives on the trip, they will be spending the day with their spouses so I don't want to tag along.

I don't play golf. I don't mind my husband playing golf. I do give him plenty of time to do his thing. Because I do understand we all need time to ourselves. I had told him that I didn't mind him playing golf in Florida especially since his company was going to pay for him to play. But I thought it was just going to be 1 day. The extra day is a day he is paying on his own to play not the company. And he will not be playing golf as a networking type of thing.

I am okay with doing things on my own like shopping, beach, sunning, massage which is what I am planning on doing. I just upset because I thought that we were going to be exploring a little more of the surrounding areas together. I was looking forward to enjoying his company. Because if the tables were turned and he was going with me to a place my company would take us to I would make sure he didn't feel left out by me going and doing things just for me. But I guess everyone is different.

But you are right. This is his trip that he won. And I should go enjoy myself with things I like to do. I try to be an understanding wife so I will not bring it up to him anymore. Thank you so much for making me see my mistake. I was wrong. I am sure I came off as a brat to all here. But you're right, I am sure he's not deliberately trying to hurt me. He just wants to take advantage of his time there.

I am going to look up stuff to do for myself!!!

Thanks a bunch!

I do hope everything turns out well for your vacation/business trip. Hopefully some advice on things to do can help make it fun for you as well.

I can understand that you want to spend time with your husband as well, but everyone has different ideas about "quality" time with each other and maybe your feelings are a bit different than hubby's.

Personally - I say take a spa day!

Aruval--

Enjoy yourself!

Thanks for the feedback. Often we give reams of good advice and never know whether or not we've been listened to.