The Cold Dark Cave

Hi, sorry for the late response. I found a nice niche at the back of the cave and crawled under a few leaves to reflect. Time moves fast when you're having fun, as they say.

I started this thread from getting the idea from another board. No doubt the subject matter will eventually get back to all the people concerned, but whatever.

happycat - yes, I understand what you are saying, but I perhaps wasn't totally coherent in my initial postings, and am guilty of mistyping or giving an inadequate explanation, as in:

I believe I mentioned politics etc meaning subjects I do not understand nor have an interest in, therefore I wouldn't even pretend to try and enter into a heated debate on them. The subject matter views often differ from country to country and so on a lot of it we had previously, amicably, agreed to disagree.

Typo on my part there. It does not mean that he liked to talk to women online all the time in the way it came across. Sorry. He's not some Lothario looking for a quick cyber- screw. My fault for a typo, I meant "who I knew" - comma. These have been "old friends" for a few years, in their own relationships. It's only in the last few months that one fell into the "separated with children" category. So I am going to discount that one, if you don't mind. Our communication online is cheaper than phone calls.
I also didn't mean to imply that I "would prefer to curl up with a book", either. I said I had just acquired new reading glasses and that I had missed reading.
Different views are good. I would find it quite odd if everyone were to agree with me 100%. And what you say on the age gap makes perfect sense but believe me, it's something that we often talked about and always ended up discounting. A man doesn't give up one life and fly halfway around the world to be with someone unless they have seriously considered potential pitfalls. If he does, he's a fool. It's nothing to do with age. We didn't just meet up online and think Hey! Let's go for it. It took time. There's plenty of marriages that have been shorter, broken by the most inane reasons. He has even stated that he is probably having a midlife crisis. But thank you for your input. It was good to see that someone else was actually reading, and taking time out to respond.

Noddy24 - I am not looking for any fast answers, you are right. Nor am I looking for ways to tear him away from the clutches of an evil rival. From little things that I have picked up he most likely won't stay with her anyway, and is only looking for a homeland retreat until he gets re-established. No bitchiness intended there, because even if he does, I bear her no animosity. Surprisingly enough, nor him. We all wish we had precognitive tendencies on the odd occasion. I still love him and will for a long time to come. He cares for me, but is longer IN love with me. It hurts like hell, but there you go. Things happen. We have a lot of things to sort. I think it is easier for him as he has someone telling him that they love him and that every thing will be hunky-dory once he's there. But I certainly don't want to go down the childish route and start name calling. We are both on a transitional path and hopefully will be make the journey marginally easier if we both think straight.

The reason I "opened" the cave was just to have a vent and use it to heal. And get a bit of feedback whilst it happens. I was in a bad-head place earlier and this is working for me. But it's not just for me, it's for anyone else who wishes to sound off and hopefully we can all help each other over the good and bad days.

Just having a response from people helps. It has certainly helped me a lot. Working out issues and deciding what happens next can only really come from within. But I feel that most of us need a sounding board now and again, especially when they are alone, and even more so, replies from people who are not involved and can be objective about things....

Hmmm, I must think about the last part of that statement as it sounds to me as if it was tinged with a smidgen of vinegar.

So to everyone else, please feel free to take my place center cave for a while whilst we beat you with a happy stick for a few days (although you will be expected to reciprocate occasionally) .

Deeley--

I'll make a wild guess that you're a woman with a man who is staging a mid-life crisis. He's started to wonder, "Is this all there is?" and instead of working with what he has, he's burning bridges on his way to chem-lawn pastures.

It isn't you--it's him. It is just your bad luck that your heart is in the way of his potential destiny.