The Cold Dark Cave

Deeley--

Welcome to A2K.

Believe me, not everyone in the world is half-a-couple, even if it seems that way right now.

How long have you been Unexpectedly Single Again?

Hi Deeley. I'll sit with ya quiet like for a bit while, hopefully, you correspond with Noddy.

In the meantime, here: have a gummy worm.

*Thanks Noddy for reply and
*Takes gummy worm from Joeblow 'cos she knows she needs to eat. Keep the suplpies coming, I might be here for a while.

I'm just in a hurting place right now. I thought I had a (not so) brilliant but comfortable 9 year marriage to a man who was intellectually way above me, but gave me the security I needed; not financially but I felt safe and secure with him just being there, and I love him to bits, you know? He was/is a lot younger than me. by 14 years, but we clicked. He is USA, I'm Uk. When I met him, I couldn't believe that with all my baggage there would even be a chance for us. he was working at the Embassy in London, years ago, and we were both married to other people and cutting a long story short, after a few years hooked up again online. I couldn't believe that, eventually, this guy wanted to marry me. Past relationships that screwed me up, didn't faze him,, and he "counseled" me for months. Was never judgmental and listened. He became my rock and i loved him from the start. He gave up a lot to come here, and we struggled with HO rulings, etc but got thru' it all and I thought we were happy. No one has a perfect relationship, I know, and he was/is far above my intellect and that may have posed a problem, gifted people often have trouble relating to others, or so I have learned, but we seemed to get on fine even if my eyes did glaze over when he went on a political rant or something. Anyway, I digress.
He was always on the pc, from the time he came in from work until he went to bed. I didn't mind, because he was making websites for people (including my card forum) and helping others to run businesses. Typing furiously away into the wee small hours.
Then, coming sharply to the present, he got involved with starting up his own site for creative writing. Nothing new, he has many, many sites going, but they had ideas of making one into something big for creative writing. He had a couple of friends online, who I knew were female and came from the US, and I used to laughingly call them his Harem. He was always relating little snippets of conversation to me of what they were messengering (?) to each other and I was happy that he was happy. US and UK humor is different, and they matched his intellect too ( don't think I am putting myself down here, I did the Mensa thing, too, although it doesn't show!) Anyway, as near as 4 weeks ago he was tellng me that he would have to go to the States to sort this business out, which I was supposedly going to be involved in, so I poddled off to the PO to get some passport forms, as I have never had one before. Getting all the paperwork that I needed would take time with all the new rulings, but I wasn't in a rush.
Then a week ago Wednesday he came in from work, (in tears) and told me it was over. He had had enough, cared for me but didn't love me anymore, and was going to return to the USA. SHOCKED or what??!!! I haven't given the full story of what went on before. There is nothing to tell, except that I was getting on being comfortable whilst he missed having a life. Florida and the depths of Oxford are marginally different you must agree.

Then I realized that he was talking to one person on the net more than any other, but being a myopic owl didn't know who, and he kept rearranging his monitor screen every time I walked into the room anyway. HELLO!
]
So I asked him point blank are you having an internet affair and he said No. I was about to smile with relief, when he told me that he was leaving me to go back to the US as there was nothing here for him. He wanted to go fishing and play pool yada yada yada and not be old. Gee, tell it like it is , why don't you.

Oooh, bad explanation, guys. Too much rum, and too little sleep.

Anyway, last night, after a week of trying to talk to him and pacing the floor sobbing bing my heart out I thought Ihave to lay down,even though the pc is in the bedroom, he'llhave to deal with me being in there. I put on my brand spanking new reading glasses - God I have missed books so much, being able to see them was classic, you know? Anything from schlock horror up- and I sat on the end of the bed reading. Well,I looked at the pages. He was playing Half Life -appropriate (?) - and suddenly started typing like a demon, must not have realized I was there, because as I glanced up there on the screen in front of me were the messages they were passing back and forth. I LOVE YOU, HONEY has NOTHING to do with setting up a company unless it's something the IRS need to now about, yeah?

So now, at least, I know why he is leaving me. And it hurts like hell and I'm not really being coherent right now...
Hence the Cave.

apologies for the ramble above.

* ooh an oubliette.

I rather enjoy dark caves and would be glad to sit a spell, Deely.

<pushes aside a pile of dried bones and sits down>

Hey, that was my dinner for tomorrow.

* takes comfort in the fact that someone is there even though they didn't bring a torch.

I, too, have suffered from a recent separation. Her name was Hazel Kummer. I don't feel comfortable disclosing too much more right now.

Perhaps at a later time.

When the pain has diminished.

I'm glad I discovered this cave. It's a sanctuary for us and i more will find the path.

IRight now I feel like the title of that short story by Harlan Ellison. "I have no mouth and I must scream".

I guess you feel that way too.

Exactly

Perhaps a future short story will be entitled, "I have no fingers and I must type."

Keeping up with the times and all that.

Screaming is good,but I'm a repressed soul and would have to do it silently in case there are any small animals around.

Ooh almost a lucid moment there. I think the gummy worms were laced.

Love that, btw, gustavratzenhofer

I think tonight, a dark cave sounds good.

Peaceful, dark, quiet.

Just the screaming in the brain to keep out the sounds of Gus' breathing...

<shoves Gus over to get some wall space>

Dark caves are fun. Okay, who has the weed? Or is this one of them pass the bottle around kind of deals?

<squeezes in next to caribou...subtly rests hand on her upper left thigh and smiles flirtatiously>

<notices Kicky's hand on Gus' thigh, shrugs, goes back to silent screaming>

Don't apologize, Deeley. I followed the whole thing. My story was not the same but had similarities. Grieve away, fine here.


Also, take respites from the cave. Y'know, the famous antidotes of walks on beach, wherever.

Aaah, if only. But we have no beach close by. But there may be candyfloss and pretty shells, and I'm enjoying wallowing in my own little sea of despair at the moment. Oooh, self pity. Stoppit.

Sleep deprivation is weirdly creative. Once I'd stop listening to the droning of the pc in my head - or was that just Gus snoring - I pondered for hours on whether it would be better for my head to explode or implode. I think implode. Else I'll have to get up and swoop all the goo off the cave wall to stop it from dripping on Caribou's thigh.
Aaaaagh.
I'm swinging between denial and self loathing at present.
Denial is no good.
It's happening.
I know.
Looks outside the mouth of the cave - damn, it' raining **** and I have no umbrella.
Sits back down.
I need more gummy worms.

Dark caves are not completely unknown to me, either, Deeley. I figure a bit of a wallow is perfectly OK every now & then ... particularly when things that cause one to despair actually happen. As they do, from time to time.


A question, If I may. How did you, as a newbie, know that JoeBlow was a "she" & not a "he"? It took me years to figure that out!

So, you met when you were somewhere in your 30's and he was in his 20's? Fine, you probably had things in common back then.
You hooked up again online later. He listened to you, was your rock (so you say) and you got married when you were in your 40's and he in his 30's. Nine years go by and he's a vibrant 38 year old man who enjoys talking to women, and he's got a wife who admits her eyes glaze over when he talks, and would rather curl up with her reading glasses and a good book.
If you marry a man 14 years your junior you've got to realize that somewhere down the line, that amount of years is going to make a big difference; right about the time you hit menopause.

Either die alone in the cave, or move on with your life with someone more in tune with your physical and emotional needs at this time of your life.

jmho

Deeley--

Frankly I'm cheered to be reading a "Problem with a Wandering Man" thread in which the New Member wants to know how to move on. Usually these threads are pleas for a magic potion which will change the spots on a Wandering Leopard and turn him into the housecat of her dreams.

Venting is good. Enjoy.