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Wed 23 May, 2007 07:06 am
I guess this is sort of a sterile place to post this, considering the emotionality that the subject is charged with for me, but I didn't know exactly where to put this...
Last Thursday I got a call from Cheryl (my fiance') that she was having some bleeding and had to go to ER. They found that the pregnancy was ectopic - the fertilized egg had attached to a fallopian tube, and had caused a rupture. They had to do emergency surgery, and the pregnancy was terminated and one fallopian tube removed, for her own safety.
The docs say that our chances of conceiving and carrying to term is lessened, but that there is still a better chance of that happening than to repeat what we just went through.
It has been a rough ride emotionally - we both went from crowing and beaming to shellshocked. It was a very wanted pregnancy. We had picked out names and told a lot of people... We will definitely try again, but I can't help but feel differently about the whole idea of getting her pregnant again.
It's a huge deal - we're both older than the optimum ages for child bearing and rearing. I had gotten used to the whole idea of the center of the universe being that baby, and the most important thing in life being its well-being.
Anyway, if we're blessed to get pregnant again, one thing we'll do differently is wait until the 1st trimester before we tell people. I still haven't told my mom that her grandbaby isn't coming yet. She was so happy - she had all but given up on getting any grandbabies from me or my sister when I told her this news.
Well, I think its therapeutic for me to share and process through all this.
Thanks for 'listening', A2K family.
Oh, snood. I'm so sorry for Cheryl's and your loss. Thank you for letting us know.
Cheryl is physically OK after the surgery?
Ah, cripes, Snood! I'm so sorry.
I know how excited you were and I was so cheering for you with all the happiness in your life. Happiness you deserve, IMO.
(((Hugs for both of you)))
snood,
I am sorry for your and Cheryl's loss.
This is one of those instances where it's difficult to find things to say. I am happy your fiance is OK.
I'm so sorry, Snood. Thanks for letting us know.
Thanks, everyone. Your consideration means a lot to me.
Cheryl is doing well after the surgery. The kind of laparoscopic stuff they do nowadays is so advanced that they just made three tiny incisions. She is sore, and is taking two weeks off to recuperate. I think she was stuffing a lot of her emotional reaction to this, but she was finally able to let it out a couple days after.
But I think we'll be fine. Not just saying it - it seems one effeect has been to really make us count our blessings, and realize how badly things could have gone, and didn't. And all the things we have, and can do. And we can still try to make a baby again.
I'm so sorry. Relieved that Cheryl is okay, of course. Don't know what to say beyond that.
I am so sorry, Snood. It must be really rough on the two of you, but especially Cheryl. She is probably going to need a lot of hand holding now.
It is a good idea not to mention a pregnancy to anyone but the immediate family until the process is well along.
Snood, So sorry to hear about your loss. Glad to hear your fiance' is recovering well physically.
Oh, snood. I really am sorry to hear this. As emotional as this is for both of you, she has some additional hormonal adjustments to make as her body realizes it is no longer pregnant. It may take her awhile longer to adjust physically.
Best wishes to you and to Cheryl.
My thoughts are with you and your fiance.
What is so hard about first trimester lost is that too many people don't consider that a baby has been lost and trivialize or minimize the suffering of the parents. Please tell Cheryl that she indeed was pregnant and that her loss was not of just a pregnancy but that of a baby. She is allowed to grieve. As are you.
And as for another baby, yes, there is a chance! And it's good to know that she is healing, both physically and emotionally.
Hang in there.
I'll keep you both in my thoughts.
Oh, snood. I'm so sorry you two have had to go through this. It's scary stuff. No wonder it's brought you closer.
I went through infertility stuff and two miscarriages before having SonofEva at the age of 40. We were ecstatic and told everyone about the pregnancy the first time, just like you did. Just like everyone does. But after losing the first one, we decided the same thing...to wait until the first trimester was over. I know how hard it is to disappoint everyone when you're dealing with physical & emotional stuff yourself. But you'll get through it. It just takes time.
It's okay to be protective of Cheryl right now. In addition to all the mental and emotional adjustments you both have to make, she's got hormonal changes to go through as well as post-surgical recovery. She's going to have a few rough weeks until things stabilize. What you say to her isn't as important as being there. Stay close.
(((hugs)))
snood, I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of a very wanted pregnancy. And I don't want to lessen your feelings now, but I do want to offer you hope. I know a lot of people who have had an ectopic pregnancy and gone on to have children. I have a sister who at this moment is pregnant with twins, who lost one ovary in high school and had her other tube tied in her mid-twenties. The did in-vitro, and hopefully you guys won't have to go that far, but that one ovary still produces plenty of eggs.
I know it can come as a shock just how dangerous the whole pregnancy and childbirth thing really is when all we see around us are successes.
There will be other babies, snood, because FreeDuck is right; however, I do know how depressed you and Cheryl must feel at this moment. Love to you both.
Synod--
Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your baby. All Might-Have-Been children are worthy of grief and this baby of yours and Cheryl's would have been very special.
I am very sorry.
Hold your dominion.
I'm sorry, Snood. Hugs to you and Cheryl.
snood, just wanted you to know how sorry I am for your loss. I hope you both recover quickly and make the best of it you can.
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