Some Questions For People Who Are MARRIED

Re: Some Questions For People Who Are MARRIED


How many years have you been married for?
11

How did your dating begin?
He moved into the housing co-op where I lived.

How did you know your relationship was becoming serious?
He went on a short trip and I felt like I couldn't stand to be without him for even a few days.

Do you think that a long dating period before marriage helps its strength?
Yes.

What was the most memorable moment of your wedding day?
Standing outside the chapel doors, waiting for them to open and to walk down the aisle -- everything had been so frenetic and suddenly I was there by myself. Took longer than I expected. Waved at curious bicyclists. Tried not to start laughing.

How important is it to date a variety of people?
Very.

What habits about your spouse annoy you and how do you resolve this?
We both naturally ease into roles of authority. He has a harder time keeping from being too authoritative than I do. We've talked about it a lot. We both recognize it (I slip sometimes, too). Usually, at this point, a look is enough if it happens.

What role does religion/faith play in your marriage?
None -- except that neither of us are religious and its therefore not a source of conflict.

If you have children, how did the arrival of your first baby, change your marriage?
Hugely. I also became a stay at home mom (after having been a career woman). Hmmm. Huge one, so will leave it at that and can elaborate.

What role does communication have in your marriage?
Enormous.

What methods of conflict resolution do you use? ( Who usually "wins" and why?)
We usually try to find a solution. We use the word "proactive" a lot. I'm not sure who usually "wins." I guess we try to stay away from that mindset at all, just try to solve the problem.

Re: Some Questions For People Who Are MARRIED


How many years have you been married for? Will be 15 in about a week and a half.

How did your dating begin? We met through his personal ad.

How did you know your relationship was becoming serious? We knew it almost immediately because we clicked right away.

Do you think that a long dating period before marriage helps its strength? Usually, but a long period of dating isn't going to salvage a bad relationship, just make it show up that much more clearly. But there are folks who feel they've invested a lot of time and then it's even harder for them to break it off. Which is short-sighted; breaking off a long-term relationship is considerably easier than breaking up even a quickie marriage.

What was the most memorable moment of your wedding day? Walking down the aisle with the veil on, so everything was very foggy and obscured. Didn't seem real.

How important is it to date a variety of people? Extremely. I think there's no way you can know who/what you want and, just as importantly, that means time is going by so you give your psyche a chance to mature.

What habits about your spouse annoy you and how do you resolve this? Not too much, mostly remote control stuff. We usually just share it, and try to have a toggle channel that the other person wants to see. We don't consciously do this, but usually it switches the next time we watch TV. But we don't keep score or anything like that.

What role does religion/faith play in your marriage? We are of the same faith but neither of us is terribly religious. I grew up in a much more traditional household than he did. But it was his idea for us to celebrate Chanukah every year. We also both make sure to buy kosher for Passover food during Passover although we generally don't go to seders and we don't keep it too carefully. We will also go to family religious observances, including things like funerals. I can read Hebrew; he never learned it but does know the basic prayers.

If you have children, how did the arrival of your first baby, change your marriage? We don't have kids.

What role does communication have in your marriage? If we didn't have communication, we'd have nothing. We email a lot during the day because we both work in offices where there is zero privacy, plus that means we're not actively bothering each other if one is busy at a particular time. This is everything from "I'm bored" to the usual sweet nothings to "What do you want for dinner?" We talk at home, of course, but we both throw ourselves into our jobs so we can be really tired, hence at home it can often be a lot more unspoken communication.

What methods of conflict resolution do you use? ( Who usually "wins" and why?) I don't think anyone specifically "wins". It's hard to even think of the last time we had a real-live argument, to be honest with you. We're also proactive. Instead of arguing about why there's no food in the cupboards, we either buy more food or get out the takeout menus. Instead of arguing about money, we try to save all along, and we're both conscious of our spending (neither of us are terribly materialistic people, so it's not like we can't make the payments on the Jag), plus we're both aware of the finances so there are no surprises. Conflicts, when they do happen, are usually resolved by us both retreating to our corners and thinking before speaking again. Then apologies are exchanged and we talk about the issue in order to try to get it resolved. A lot of yelling is useless, particularly if it doesn't make any good ideas bubble to the surface.

How many years have you been married for?
Just shy of 10 - will be 10 this August.

How did your dating begin?
We met in Florida - I was a vacation - he was there on business - we had a long distance relationship as we lived across country from one another. We visited several times, before he moved so are "dating" was very different than most.

How did you know your relationship was becoming serious?
When we began talking about who would move across country, when and how.

Do you think that a long dating period before marriage helps its strength?
I don't think it is necessary - it is more how soon you really get to know each other. Prior to meeting my future husband, I dated a man for 7 years - at one point I would have married this man - in hindsight it would have been a disaster. I "dated" my current husband about 2 years before marrying him.

What was the most memorable moment of your wedding day?
When the minister mentioned how we met and some comments we spoke about each other during our pre-wedding meetings with her. It made our ceremony very personal.

How important is it to date a variety of people?
I think this is definitely helpful. I had dated many different types of men. Although each person/couple is different so there is no "cookie cutter" situation.

What habits about your spouse annoy you and how do you resolve this?
Certain bodily noises, being quick to temper/judge. I simply realize that this is part of who he is - I love him and accept these are being part of who he is.

What role does religion/faith play in your marriage?
Our child (and soon our younger child) attends a Christian school so it is part of our marriage. We attend semi-regular church as business requires work on Sunday.

If you have children, how did the arrival of your first baby, change your marriage?
Both good and bad - gave us some one us to love and care for - strength our family. Also, tired, tired, tired - some disagreements on how to handle situations with the children, but forces us to discuss and come to some middle ground.

What role does communication have in your marriage?
Definitely major - from work schedules, to cleaning, to where to live, to how to handle children. Need to be as clear as possible to limit misunderstandings.

What methods of conflict resolution do you use? ( Who usually "wins" and why?)
Usually not winners or losers, but if it is a minor issue, I will give in - simply because in the end what does it matter. For major conflicts, we will discuss pros and cons and come up with what we feel is best for the family overall.

How many years have you been married for?
5 months

How did your dating begin?
My best friend's boyfriend at that time tried to hook us up but I wasn't ready for a relationship yet and I didn't want to 'use' him for fun. So I passed. A month later we met again and started dating

How did you know your relationship was becoming serious?
When we had a long distance relationship and were talking about moving me to the States to be with him.

Do you think that a long dating period before marriage helps its strength?
I don't know if it makes the relationship any stronger, but I definitely think it's necessary to date at least 1, better 2, years before getting married, just to make sure you're compatible.

What was the most memorable moment of your wedding day?
Walking down the isle and looking at his face looking at me. He looked like he was about to cry and he looked so in love!

How important is it to date a variety of people?
Very important.

What habits about your spouse annoy you and how do you resolve this?
My husband is anal about a lot of things and likes to lecture me when I do something he doesn't like or approve of (little household things). The lecture part annoys me LOL Sometimes I just look at him and he's talking and talking and talking and I'm not hearing anything he's saying cause I just block him out LOL There is nothing to resolve. I just act like I'm listening and let him finish whatever he has to say.

What role does religion/faith play in your marriage?
We're not really religious, but we do believe in God. We see it the same way, and we try to be good people. To each other and everybody else.

What role does communication have in your marriage?
Very big role. We are not yet very good at it, but we know how important it is so we're working on it.

What methods of conflict resolution do you use? ( Who usually "wins" and why?)
I don't believe in 'winning' an argument. Both partners should win, otherwise one of you will loose, and that's not fair. We are all about compromise. And whenever something is not so important to one of us, we just give in.

How many years have you been married for?
5 months

How did your dating begin?
My best friend's boyfriend at that time tried to hook us up but I wasn't ready for a relationship yet and I didn't want to 'use' him for fun. So I passed. A month later we met again and started dating

How did you know your relationship was becoming serious?
When we had a long distance relationship and were talking about moving me to the States to be with him.

Do you think that a long dating period before marriage helps its strength?
I don't know if it makes the relationship any stronger, but I definitely think it's necessary to date at least 1, better 2, years before getting married, just to make sure you're compatible.

What was the most memorable moment of your wedding day?
Walking down the isle and looking at his face looking at me. He looked like he was about to cry and he looked so in love!

How important is it to date a variety of people?
Very important.

What habits about your spouse annoy you and how do you resolve this?
My husband is anal about a lot of things and likes to lecture me when I do something he doesn't like or approve of (little household things). The lecture part annoys me LOL Sometimes I just look at him and he's talking and talking and talking and I'm not hearing anything he's saying cause I just block him out LOL There is nothing to resolve. I just act like I'm listening and let him finish whatever he has to say.

What role does religion/faith play in your marriage?
We're not really religious, but we do believe in God. We see it the same way, and we try to be good people. To each other and everybody else.

What role does communication have in your marriage?
Very big role. We are not yet very good at it, but we know how important it is so we're working on it.

What methods of conflict resolution do you use? ( Who usually "wins" and why?)
I don't believe in 'winning' an argument. Both partners should win, otherwise one of you will loose, and that's not fair. We are all about compromise. And whenever something is not so important to one of us, we just give in.

squinney and I have been married 18 years. Our marriage is perfect in every way and a model for everyone else. Nothing more needs to be said except that the rest of you clowns need to pay attention and learn.

I hate to be the one to break this to you but she told me in PM that she's gonna dump you

Thanks for taking the time to answer some of these questions. It is for a survey I am doing for class. Thanks.

How many years have you been married for? 4 years

How did your dating begin? saw him laying concrete outside his house...saw each other at a party 2 weeks later, hit it off.

How did you know your relationship was becoming serious? just did

Do you think that a long dating period before marriage helps its strength? yes. gives you time to get to know each other

What was the most memorable moment of your wedding day? getting married

How important is it to date a variety of people? very. helps you get to know yourself and what you want/expect in a partner

What habits about your spouse annoy you and how do you resolve this? he's got some...but I don't resolve anything. I married him, warts and all

What role does religion/faith play in your marriage? spiritually, we mesh. we believe in god and living a good life but aren't religious

If you have children, how did the arrival of your first baby, change your marriage? we'll see in a few months

What role does communication have in your marriage? the biggest role. without it, marriage fails.

What methods of conflict resolution do you use? ( Who usually "wins" and why?) talking it out. no one "wins". it's about getting what you both want and learning to compromise.

hmmmm; asking people who are married to answer questions, and expecting to be able to believe the answers.................

[you obviously are not, and have never been, married !]

Why would we lie?

Isn't obvious - when you get married you begin to lie. Ask these same questions to those that are single and you will get all honest answers!

she won't dump me... she's a co-maker on my truck loan....

Okay, here's my version of married honesty:
How many years have you been married for?
twenty-two years, on and off

How did your dating begin?
We met our first day of college-he said he knew he wanted to marry me on that day and I told him he was very amusing. He was amused by that and laughed and we became best friends. When my boyfriend at the time, who was living in another state, became engaged and ultimately married to someone else, my husband, who had become my best friend by that time, became my boyfriend. But we never really dated- we never had money to go anywhere. We just hung out, started living together and eventually got married. Our son's due date was ten years to the DAY after we met.

How did you know your relationship was becoming serious?
We started having sex.

Do you think that a long dating period before marriage helps its strength?
Not particularly. It could indicate a lack of ability to come to a decision about commitment and doubt and/or cold feet.

What was the most memorable moment of your wedding day?
When the beautiful soft summer rain gave way to brilliant sunshine
(Our wedding was outside)- we had tents though- so the rain wasn't a huge issue.

How important is it to date a variety of people?
It depends on how important variety is in your life. Some people thrive on it- others prefer the trusted and singular tried and true and comfortably familiar.

What habits about your spouse annoy you and how do you resolve this?
He's addicted to his work. We've never been able to resolve this- although lately since my kids are older and more independent- I've been able to throw myself into my job and travel and other hobbies which I love- so I feel more fulfilled within myself. We both enjoy and appreciate independence, so in that way, we're a good partnership, and I think a good example of acceptance and self-sufficiency for our children.

What role does religion/faith play in your marriage?
He doesn't mock me for needing something to believe in. When I have the family give thanks for our blessings, he closes his eyes and at least pretends to go along with it. Sometimes he'll even go to church with me.

If you have children, how did the arrival of your first baby, change your marriage?
He was jealous, because I was smitten- and it was very obvious. But it also gave him license to obsessively pursue his career as I was distracted and totally focused on my son, and later my daughter.
But on the other hand it made us both realize that come hell or high water we were going to be united in that one singular and very important cause for the rest of our lives. I think before we had our first child, we both felt like whatever happened, happened. But after- we knew that we had to at least be focused and cooperative and together as a team of parents.

What role does communication have in your marriage?
I'm a big communicator. He's not. I talk a lot and he's a pretty good listener. He doesn't talk very much, but when he does, I'm a good listener.

What methods of conflict resolution do you use? ( Who usually "wins" and why?)
We give each other a lot of space- because we both need it.
You're not going to believe this- but in situations where we disagree on the next move, he almost always "wins" or gets what he wants because I'm much more adaptive and bendable (I was the middle child of six kids) and when he gets his mind set on something- there's no changing it- he's stubborn as a mule.
But at the end of the day, we both really like a lot of things about each other and view each other as someone who will always be the most important person in the other's life- because we've shared so much and that will never change whether we live in the same house or not.

How many years have you been married for?
44 years

How did your dating begin?
Asked for a date to go see Jerry Lewis in Reno, but instead went to see Van Johnson in Bye Bye Birdie at the Sheraton Palace in SF

How did you know your relationship was becoming serious?
When I spent all my spare time to see her while working and going to school

Do you think that a long dating period before marriage helps its strength? Not sure, because we got married about one year after we met

What was the most memorable moment of your wedding day?
To have a some of my best friends attend to wish us well

How important is it to date a variety of people?
Very

What habits about your spouse annoy you and how do you resolve this?
She tends to shout into the phone when she talks, but she usually goes to another room

What role does religion/faith play in your marriage?
My wife is a buddhist, and I'm an atheist. We have gone on a buddhist pilgrimage to Japan where we visited 33 temples in ten days. She was a teacher at Sunday School many decades ago, but now volunteers at the church for different fund raising events

If you have children, how did the arrival of your first baby, change your marriage? We devoted more time to our new baby, and reduced our "going out."

What role does communication have in your marriage? We share our concerns about each other and our two sons all the time.

What methods of conflict resolution do you use? ( Who usually "wins" and why?) I'm usually the one that has to apologize for being wrong. I get my wife flowers and treat her to a nice dinner on her birthday and mother's day.

The gentle (and not so gentle) illusions of romantic idealism.

Re: Some Questions For People Who Are MARRIED
How many years have you been married for?
30 years of serial monogamy over (and under) three women.
How did your dating begin?
In bed.....naturally enough.
How did you know your relationship was becoming serious?
When we became monogamous.....naturally enough.
Do you think that a long dating period before marriage helps its strength?
Nope, because chance plays a much greater role than most people recognize.
What was the most memorable moment of your wedding day?
For many men getting married does not hold the breathless romantic idealization that it does for many women. This question presupposes the marriage ceremony is the pivotal moment (for the man) I counter that the recognition of monogamy as discussed is the pivotal moment (for the man).
How important is it to date a variety of people?
It does not matter to the success of the marriage because as discussed chance plays a much greater role than most people recognize.
What habits about your spouse annoy you and how do you resolve this?
I do not believe in "conflict resolution" I believe in "tolerance" this question presupposes "conflict resolution" as the idealization for peaceful relations.
What role does religion/faith play in your marriage?
None.
If you have children, how did the arrival of your first baby, change your marriage?
Never wanted children.
What role does communication have in your marriage?
I do not believe in "communication" as is so commonly romantically idealized in pop psychology, people are not knowable in the sense many believe them to be.
What methods of conflict resolution do you use? (Who usually "wins" and why?)
As discussed I don't believe in "conflict resolution" I believe in "tolerance".

Re: Some Questions For People Who Are MARRIED
How many years have you been married for?
3

How did your dating begin?
He saw me several times in the pub, when I was gone on a business trip, he became worried, that he would not see me again, so he left me a letter with the landlady, that I got after I came back.
I called him, we met,...

How did you know your relationship was becoming serious?
I started thinking that I did not want to be without him any more.

Do you think that a long dating period before marriage helps its strength?
I think it can help knowing the person thoroughly before you get married.

What was the most memorable moment of your wedding day?
Getting lost on the way to the registry office.

How important is it to date a variety of people?
I suppose it can help you figure out, what you want!
After a bad relationship you can so much more treasure a good one!

What habits about your spouse annoy you and how do you resolve this?
Burping and farting!
Usually I ignore it, but we made kind of a deal recently, that he's trying to restrain himself in front of the little one.

What role does religion/faith play in your marriage?
I have my faith, and he has his.
That's not something we discuss.

If you have children, how did the arrival of your first baby, change your marriage?
If anything, it made me love him even more.
Our little one is only ten months old, so of course we both have to compromise on things we used to like to do before he arrived, but we both wanted to have him, so that's OK!

What role does communication have in your marriage?
There's two places we communicate.
Either over dinner, that's why I love having dinner together as often as possible.
Or while lying in bed.
I suppose that's when we both are free of things to do and have time to communicate.

What methods of conflict resolution do you use? ( Who usually "wins" and why?)
My better half is much more relaxed than me in a lot of things .
Lots of things just aren't as important to me, so I get my way.
If there is something he does not like, he is not going to budge, though.
Which is a good thing, as sometimes I worry if I run him over with my ideas and plans.

Re: Some Questions For People Who Are MARRIED
[quote="Bohne"]Lots of things just aren't as important to me, so I get my way.[/quote]

Lots of things just aren't as important to him, so I get my way

If anything, married people would be more brutal and honest because we know that there is indeed an element of illusion of romance associated with marriage.