sex, lies and internet

POM..sorry to hear its been what sounds a bit taxing for you...its like that...sorry. How long have you been at it?
You say you've met five, how many others have you scanned through?
Obviously you're looking for more then just sex..or those young guys would be real happy right about now...so, I think the weeding out is being done, Im sure thats exhausting.
When I gave it a go...I had some shake my head experiences, thats for sure. It took a great deal of time and patience and figure out learning curve, along with the disturbing reality vs the information reality, which is hard until you're face to face, and by then you're so dang tired of it all, its a struggle.
You cant get to k's stuff? Its pretty long at this point, but filled with a great deal of information and discussion.
Maybe this can start out something new, more stuff for you, some help...hope so for your mental well being if not anything else.
How are you feeling about it in general?
Do you want to continue and just venting? Thats the feeling I get but, what do I know?

dang..now I see it..a year...ugh.
Take a break for a few months...then go back to it when you feel better about it would be my first suggestion. Most places will let you do that without having to reenter all your information, etc.

Dear plainoldme: I definitely hear what you are talking about in your posts. It often seems to be that the men are older or younger than me, and by more than a few years. I'd have a simple hope to find someone to laugh with. Maybe that is not so simple after all - implies a certain sensibility, intelligence, experience, and a sense of fun, something lacking often as people age, sadly.

Oh, don't worry about their youth. They probably aren't as rich as they say, either.

POM - sounds like you either need to take a long, hard look at the standards you're setting for the men you hope to meet, or you just have to accept the results of the standards you're currently working with.

This person (somewhat your junior) finds you quite attractive... fortunately, Mrs. SP likes you too.

POM:

It's not much different than in real life. You meet, you're attracted, you think maybe it will happen, but you have no way of knowing what is being said is true or not.

Sooner or later you find out, sure, but the internet is no different. As a matter of fact, I think it's probably easier to fool people over the internet because you can be a beautiful writer and at the same time you can be a terrible human being.

so if i am a terrible writer-----?

Oh, alright, dys. You're a beautiful person. Not that bad a writer, either.

I agree Roger!

Hey Roger, this is where we met, and I think you're wonderful!
Naw, stop blushing, yah hear?

Hugs, Jen

No, Misti, we met on abuzz and got into a discussion on "When" by the Kalin Twins. We continued the discussion on Ravens. You, Mikey, and myself in my first chatroom experience.

But wherever or whenever, I'm sure glad we did.

My God Roger, what a memory you have!

I had forgotten that, and ABuzz is easy to forget, but YOU, I will never forget, and I'm so glad we met, in real life!

Hi ya, Quinn, and others who seem to largely be abuzz alum!

that was a great post, Quinn. One of my problems in the my former boyfriend, who I broke up with in Dec. 2000 . . . yes, nearly three years ago . . .is still hanging on. Because I knew his pattern (sticky keyboard: be patient if some words run into each other), I expected a year of hanging on but three!!!!

At the end of May, I started getting emails from guys on match.com where I left my photo and profile but do not pay the dues ($25/mo). Because I do not pay dues, I can not respond. One man even wrote a note saying he is a bad typist and wants to get to the phone stage quickly ... but did he give me his number? He's a doctor who teaches at Harvard and lives in the Back Bay but my Back Bay friends don't know him. Another is a doctor who lives here in Winchester but no one here knows him either. The fake names don't help.

On some levels, I do just want to vent. On others, I would like to learn of other experiences. I went to match.com because one of my daughter's former teachers met her husband through it and she's pretty with a bubbly personality and quite intelligent.

I did the old-fashioned personals after my divorce and met two to three men per week over a six month period. I was 45 and the men I met ranged from 42 to 60. At the time, I thought the process backwards -- you talked on the phone with someone. The conversations were interesting and then you met over coffee. I never wanted to see anyone of those guys a second time. When you think of how you meet someone, you generally have the physical attraction first, which is why the process is backwards.

And I don't want sex alone. Heavens. I am having trouble imagining even kissing a man right now but that is, I think, an indication of how few sparks are flying.

Thursday, a man who was 33 was hitting on me as I sat at a computer that is next to another. For one thing, I thought him a pest.

EhBeth,
A question I have is if you lower or change your standards, are you being true to yourself? Aren't you just setting yourself up for disappointment in the long run?

It took me many years to figure out that Iam attracted to small framed men with broad shoulders. My father always hated the men I found attractive, saying, "You like them skinny guys." My former husband was not at all "skinny" and one of the reasons I married him was to shut my father up. The real problem is that he did not have a body type I found attractive.

Another reason I married him was something lost to me until recently (okay, so I am a little slow). The summer before I met him, I lived in Detroit's inner city at the edge of the Wayne State University campus. There was an old-fashioned residential hotel on campus with many long time residents (Detroit's version of grown up Eloises) as well as people from corporations in Detroit for training, either at WSU or Chrysler or Ford or GM or Borroughs. On the ground floor was a swank Japanese restaurant and a very nice bar that served food in front of a fire place in winter and on a patio in summer. In my mid-20s by then, I used to go to the bar sometimes after work, feeling no longer at home at the student bars. I met a few people there including a man who was a little depressed about his single state. I can barely remember him and although there were no sparks, we had developed a habit of conversation. He asked me to have dinner with him and of course there were complications. He was seeing a client north of Detroit and was stuck in traffic. He had wanted to bring flowers but in the 1970s, retail businesses did not keep late hours and he was too late for a florist. He stopped along side the interstate and picked some dried flowers (they were nicer than they sound). I came home from work, took a quick bath and put on fresh clothes and waited. An hour past meeting time, I left my apt for the bar to treat myself to a sandwich. I saw dried flowers in the hall onthe parcel shelf. Two cops stoppedand one asked for my phone number (I gave him my office number as I did not have a phone: I have always been poor.) I later wondered whether they thought a well dressed woman walking down a semi-questionable street on a hot Julynight was a hooker. At the bar, a man I swear was a pimp asked me to go to his apt later.
Needless to say, I did not. I went back to that bar just one more time and saw my no show. He told me the whole story, including how he rang my bell but got no answer. I told him my bell never rang and suggested that he had the wrong button. He told me that he wasn't going to try to date anymore.

That summer, my thesis advisor at WSU asked me to go out with a friend of his (married men were always fixing me up with former roomates and relatives). I don't remember if that was before or after the above fiasco. The man was handsome and smart but very dependent and had had a vasectomy at the request of a former girlfriend simply because she hated birth control pills.I do know that I moved September 1 but did not have a date until I met my former husband in November. I think the depressed no show was largely the reason I married him: I figured most of the availables were too depressed to start a relationship.

cobalt,
I did go out a second time with someone I met through some internet matching service, whether match.com or Boston.com, I'm not certain. While I did go through a period of missing "Vitamin S," I must say I'm a little wary of the issue at present. I found I just couldn't imagine kissing this man although I did think him attractive. Sparks? Chemistry?

So, you're not paying for the service right now? Are you taking a break then or scanning till you feel something?

My suggestion is always face it leary...better to be safe than sorry.

I always told a friend when I was going to meet someone, where, when all that...you just never know. Not that its all that helpful but, it feel more secure.
I also always met for coffee only. I figured in the amount of time it took to have a coffee I could decide if I wanted to have lunch. It always made it easier to say..hey...thanks but, Im not feeling it, (and no I dont want to feel it either) when you get your own coffee and chat...it makes it like someone sitting next to you in the shop in a usual way. then, I always did lunch after that...not dinner, not the movies..LUNCH. If after that I still thought id talk to him some more, then maybe a movie or dinner but, I dont know..it just worked out better than some of the excrutiating dinners I had done previously.
I also took breaks..like I said, I think you need to do it, mostly because you are leary, have to be, and at the same time, at least as a woman, you get bombarded with those interested and all their information....it can be too much.

Sometimes I met some guys I thought I could be friends with, which makes it hard...thats what I think of when I read your above about the attractive with no kissing thing. Or perhaps you are still figuring out what it is you want...
only you can figure that out, and I guess the time you put into it or take a break from it will do that.

Best of luck gal....really.

I think the three years that I have waited for my former to go away put a damper on enthusiasm. Also, I'm taking a break for financial reasons. I have gone to a live event but women outnumbered men. Would like to do 8 minute dating with an over-50 crowd. I emailed the group behind 8-minute dating, suggesting same. Why not?
My public library is screening The Man Who Would be King tomorrow night and I'll go to that. Who knows? I've been contacted by two Winchester men and they might show up. The movie is a favorite anyway.

There ya go..sounding better about the whole situation already...thats a great step forward.
On the ex thing, Id have to agreeon your feelings and that you finally have the time and energy to put into it you will do well.
The 8-mintue dating thing is interesting, theres also speed dating events...and I remember seeing a Seasoned Professionals event list out there as well for this area....If I see it again..Ill get the info for ya.
Go do your usual thing in your usual way, you might be surprised how you meet someone when you arent looking and enjoying yourself.

That part about not looking is true: people should do the things they enjoy doing.

There is no other way to be yourself, be true to yourself and have someone attracted to you for that...which makes it all work well.