I'm not sure how long she's been stinky. I know she has very few friends, she tells me her mother says things about her appearance, I can only assume it's the smell. I've known her for only 1 year and in that time she has always been smelly.
It sounds like a way to avoid the complexities of relationships.
she has the right to be a stinking slob and shouldnt be judged for it.
you however, have the right to say "okay, I don't hang out with unpleasant smelling slobs because it's offensive and unpleasant to me. I made you aware of it and you don't care so see ya around honey".
I mean why would you subject yourself to that?
I can't even begin to understand why she wouldn't wash her clothes.
You say she bathes but doesn't wash her clothes....is it because she doesn't have many to wear?
Instead of saying "YOU STINK" offer to help her once a week with her laundry. Just tell her nicely that while she might not find it offensive, other people do and it hurts you to see people treat her that way.
I think intervention is the only way to help her. Simply tell her that you can't come to her house anymore until she does something about her unhealthy lifestyle. Don't tell her how disgusted you are....explain it's hard for you to see her like that and if she can't help herself and won't accept your help, you can't stand by and watch.
Tough love.
And the yeast infection being referred to is not the one down under. Yeast infections can occur in the fat/skin folds of very heavy people. The yeast breeds on the skin and causes an offensive odor.
I once dated a girl who got a yeast infection so bad she crossed her legs and a cake fell.....
She needs to replace the clothing. Washing won't remove the urine and menstral smells, even if you try all the odor removers on the market. Washing newly purchased clothing with the already tainted clothing just transfers the smell to the new fabric.
The solution, if you all can afford it, would be to buy a week's worth of clothing for her and toss out everything else. Toss out blankets and linens and replace those too. If it is really bad, you'll probably need to remove upholstered furniture and replace that too.
Before I had my hysterectomy, I had a few odor problems due to the uncontrollable heavy "bleeding accidents" and bladder control problems due to the tumor that was growing inside me. Once it is in the fabric, it stays there.
It sounds as if she may also be anemic if she is having "bleeding accidents." She needs to get blood tested and may need a transfusion to pump up her iron. I needed two pints of blood before surgery was able to be done on me. Having my iron and blood counts up to normal levels made a huge difference in my life both physically and mentally, not to mention how much better I feel without that tumor too!
She needs to see a doctor and get medical help. That's the first place to start, then the clean up with replacing clothing and furniture.
Do you think I should print all the responses and show her?
Heartsbeat--
There are two problems here: Your friend's overwhelming body odor and your friendship.
Printing out this column may or may not help.
From your description of her responses to you and her bf--and even to the taxi driver--she doesn't want to make the effort to change.
Therefore: Stalemate.
Yup.
Your choices are limited; you cannot force her to behave in a particular way. You can only control your own behavior.
1. Continue the relationship and drop the issue.
2. End the relationship because you are unwilling to subject yourself to her miasma.
Possible subchoice of #2 is to let her know that her continued poor hygiene will force a split. She may or may not care enough to make a change.
(IMO, she should see a doctor about possible depression, if she is unable to manage basic hygiene.)
Third option: continue the friendship but make sure you're always sitting upwind (or downwind, whatever it's supposed to be)...
if she won't listen to you, you just have to limit your contact with her - i mean, if she doesn't care enough about your friendship to take what you say seriously, what's the friendship worth to her?
I am wondering how she is keeping her job. I concur with Butryflynet that it would be good if she would see a physician.
Yeast can grow in any condition that is moist, including folds of skin or under wound dressings. This can be under the arms, on the abdomen etc.... So a yeast infection is not necessarily a female thing.
I went over to my friends this weekend, and i brought my laundry card. She told me she didn't have any money. She took all her blankets down, all her clothes and took off this one very nasty pair of bajamas. Her boyfriend and me told her we are going to burn it. She did not stink at all this whole weekend, im even starting to talk about the stinky stuff around her boyfriend and he is agreeing, almost thanking me. I told her to clean her bed stuff now because it's stinks in her room, she has assured me that it will be done, she also thanked me this weekend and understands that she needs to change. When we took her laundry down i told her to smell the two blankets, she said no because she already knew what they smelled like, then i told her that if she knows they smell you must know other people can smell it also. Her boyfriend has been very frisky all weekend with her, she just called and said she can't believe the change in him this weekend. Hopefully she doesn't change again and start smelling.
Ain't that great news!
Progress.
Somebody is going to be getting some lovin'.
That's pretty good motivation.
Are you going back to help again with the purging? Great time to get her something a little special and new, and you might drop the idea on her bf too.
Following this threat, all I can think of:
This must be love!!!
Well it happened again, my friend told me she went over to my "smelly" friends house and she stunk. I called her the next day and asked her what she wore last night, she said she changed into a new nightgown, but I know it was the same one she had worn since Saturday. So i nicely told her to put it in the laundry and put on another one. I also said that maximum two times to wear the night gowns at night then put it in the laundry, it seems that once it gets pass the 2 day mark, she starts to smell.
To the person who asked how she keeps her job. It's funny you asked because she told me one day that they hired a woman who really smelled. They put them together for a reason I suppose but I didn't tell her that.
and believe it or not, she is a cashier at Dominion.
Send her a "care package" containing one box of TIDE and one bar of antibacterial Dial soap.
[quote="heartsbeats"]Well it happened again, my friend told me she went over to my "smelly" friends house and she stunk. I called her the next day and asked her what she wore last night, she said she changed into a new nightgown, but I know it was the same one she had worn since Saturday. So i nicely told her to put it in the laundry and put on another one. I also said that maximum two times to wear the night gowns at night then put it in the laundry, it seems that once it gets pass the 2 day mark, she starts to smell.[/quote]
Just out of curiosity:
I wonder how you fit into the picture...
This is not a friend from way back, so that years of common experiences bond you together.
You have known this 'friend' for a year, she has been stinky from the start, you wash her, do her laundry, hang around her stinky place...
What does she have to make you put that much effort into this friendship?
Or are you simply a saint?
