HOW TO TELL YOUR FRIEND SHE SMELLS

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My friend who is 36 and is overweight (300lbs) has an odor problem. I've determined it to be pure laziness and I've told her that she needs to change her clothes more often. I helped her do her laundry one night and she had one pair of underwear. One night she called me to tell me the taxi driver had all the windows open when she was in the cab, he told her he couldn't stand her perfume. I told her that it was her smell he couldn't stand. Her house smells like her, she keeps these blankets on her and nobody will sit anywhere where she sits, her boyfriend is very clean. She baths everyday but wears the same clothes day in and day out, and when she comes home from work, she doesn't change, she flops on the couch and that is where she stays. She barely does housework, she doesn't cook. Her boyfriend has asked me to talk to her. One day she got into my truck and smeared blood on the seat, she told me she had an accident. I'm at the point now that i'm so blunt with her that my next conversation is going to be that i cannot continue to be her friend because of her personal hygien. I've explained to her that if she baths everyday but doesn't clean her clothes, what's the point of bathing, you still smell, she has a black ring around her neck that i've tried to get off for her. All her boyfriends friends don't want to come over anymore, talk is around about her personal hygien. What should I do, I've been so blunt, I don't know what else to say or do. I've taken her out shopping, i've told her to clean her clothes.......I've told her people don't want to sit anywhere she sits or they don't want to come over because of the smell. I'm truly discusted with her. What do I do?

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Someone once told Winston Churchill that he "smelled," meaning he had body odor. His response was: "No Madam, you smell, I stink."

Tell your friend: "Honey, you stink. Because i care about you, i thought i better tell you, so you can do something about it."

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I've told her many times about her smell. An example.....Tuesday night I go over to her house, I see this red knitted blanket and her blue blanket she covers herself with everyday she comes home from work. Well, she uses the red one under her in case she has an accident. I took the blue blanket and put it over on her loveseat that she always sits on, then i sat down and got a big smell of her, I looked behind me and sure enough, there was the red blanket that she sits on. I told her it stunk like her and that it's gross and put it in the wash. She takes the blanket and comes back and starts spraying the couch. Then she takes off her socks and stinks up the livingroom, i told her to go take a bath that she smells. I think she just doesn't get it.

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I don't know what else you can do.

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It seems like your title is a bit misleading -- you've told her she smells, she just doesn't seem to listen.

It sounds like it might be something medical -- perhaps related to depression, or perhaps a more specific pathology (like people who let their houses become trash heaps). Maybe your next step is to say that you don't understand why it doesn't matter to her if she's clean or not, and suggest that she see a doctor.

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Yeah, if you've told her and she doesn't change...perhaps she just doesn't care and there is nothing you can do short of ripping her clothes off her and making her put new ones on. Which is obviously not a solution.

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I have no advice to offer, but I do have a question.

You say she bathes every day, but you've found a black ring of grime around her neck.

Is it because of her weight that she can't or won't bother to get to all her parts? I don't mean that as a joke, that happens.

Apparantly her showers baths aren't doing the job either.

You've told her this point blank, but you havent said anything about her responses.

How does she respond to you when you confront her with this?

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I hope her boyfriend doesn't eat at the Y. That would be nasty.

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Three hundred pounds means flaps and folds of flesh. Could she have a yeast infection? Yeast infections in the obese are very smelly.

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How long has she been stinky?

Are we talking a lifetime of stinky? Cause then my mind starts boggling over the fact she has a boyfriend or any friends.

So, is this recent? How long?

<mistake trying to eat dinner while reading this thread>

Edit to add: And Wow!, you are a good friend to try to help!

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It seems to me she might need nursing help. Certainly should see a doctor - that makes sense that she could have a yeast infection. She is probably depressed, whether or not it is a cliinical depression situation. Good luck, this is very sad.

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Sounds like the doctor suggestion is the best.

She must know she stinks by now. So something is going on in her mind or emotionally. It's gone beyond what a friend can help, and is time for some professionals.
Not just for the smell, but for her wellbeing over all and her quality of life.

She has a job, a bf. I am guessing from what you wrote that she is not disabled in any way other than what her weight is doing to bog her down?

300 pounds is obese, but not enough for someone to smell and care for oneself the way she is doing for herself. She sounds like she has given up on herself.

I'm sorry and sad about this situation. I know it must be hard. All I know to say is to try and be as supportive of the positives that she tries for as much as you can.
Encourage her, and try not to take on too much of her responsibility for yourself.
There is only so much, as a friend, you can do. The rest is up to her.

hoping for some good news.

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I don't understand where you guys are getting this "she might have some medical condition" stuff. I think it's much more likely that she's just a fat slob.

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Kicky--

You are young and innocent.

Stink has many, many component layers especially in an obese woman of childbearing years.

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Possibly. But I don't see any evidence here of it being some medical thing. She doesn't wash her disgusting stank-ass clothes. She has a ring of filth around her neck. That ain't medical.

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You really don't get that?

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Well, hoping I can add something to this...

I have a very, very good friend who has/had terrible bad breath. It is/was so bad that I hold my finger horizintally under my nostrils trying to stop the odor from getting in. Finally one day I mustered up the guts to tell her. Yi yi yi that was a tough moment. But I did it for her, for me, and for us. She said she was aware of it and I encouraged, nay, pushed, her to see a doctor. Since then it's been much better.

Would you tell your friend if she had something stuck in her teeth? Or hanging from her nose? Tell her she smells and it's an offensive smell. She deserves to know, and she may not.

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Take her (the friend mentioned by the original poster) clothes shopping. Heck, offer to pay for some sundries (e. g. a 10-pack of panties; Kmart and the like sell them, but also toss in something fun like, I dunno, a scarf or colorful socks or whatever she might like).

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Yes, she has been told by me many times and her response is "ok" and then if I get really firm with her and continue to mention the people who notice it, the smell, everything she cries. I know it's not a yeast infection because she's told me she's never had one, it's all about her clothes and the amount of times she wears them and never changing. If she changes her clother, rather then put them in the hamper to wash, she sits them on her chair to wear the next day. I see her dog licking her clothes sometimes or the blanket she sits on, it's gross. I even told her about the time the taxi driver had all the windows open and she asked him to close them, he said no because he can't stand her perfume, she replied and said i'm not wearing any. I told her that it was because he couldn't stand her smell. What more can I say. I really can't stand going over to her house anymore, but I know it will break her heart.

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to answer the people who think it's medical. NO NO NO. It is not medical because when she washes her clothes and bathes, she smells normal and clean. Its all about the clothes..........

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HOW TO TELL YOUR FRIEND SHE SMELLS

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