pc privacy in relationship,yes or no?

Every marriage has its own rules--and each successful marriage has one set of rules binding on both partners.

I consider my corner of the computer as private as my pocketbook or bureau drawers or desk. I feel my husband deserves the same privacy.

I would violate his privacy only if I had reason to believe that my husband's actions were putting me in personal danger.

I agree completely with Noddy, that the key is for both partners in a marriage to agree and then stick to the agreement.

Without an agreement, I think the default expectation should be privacy.

This computer has become "mine" by default since my husband has a laptop for work, but it's really both of ours and he doesn't always bring his laptop home. I have the computer set to go to sleep after a few minutes and requires that I enter my password to "wake it up;" my husband knows that password. (My 6-year-old daughter doesn't, and the set-up is for her, since I work on the computer and don't want her messing with things when I leave the room.) I know my husband's password but pretty much never use it. We usually stay away from each other's email. He knows about A2K but rarely checks in.

Re: pc privacy in relationship,yes or no?
For me personally:

[quote="gunghomojo"]Is it acceptable for either or both spouses to , key log, spy and snoop on each other?[/quote]

No!

[quote="gunghomojo"]Use other software to dig up and actually intentionally monitor the others activity on the pc?[/quote]

Hell no!

[quote="gunghomojo"]Or is there some amount of actual privacy that
does belong in this area?[/quote]

I have my folders on a computer we both use.
My husband has the password to my email, and theoretically he can see ANYTHING that I do on that computer.
However, if I realised that he felt the need to check up on me, I would be deeply hurt.

[quote="gunghomojo"]Or is it completely an open book?[/quote]

In theory, yes it is, I don't have secrets on my computer!

My husband and I use the same computer.

I have a laptop that is "mine" for every meaning of the term.
I bought it. The password to use it is mine. It is full of my work. I am the primary user. etc, etc.

Can he use it?
Absolutely.
Does he have the password? Absolutely.
Does this mean he snoops? ehh.. maybe.. but.. there is nothing to snoop for so it doesn't matter.
Sometimes, the things we get in email, we share over dinner.
The posts I make on A2K sometimes become household debates , arguments, or points of great humor.

We have separate desktops on this computer. Which is technically 'his'.
He bought it.
He uses it 100% of the time
it is full of his work.

But it also has my work on it as its processor is 10 times faster then my lap top and when I am working on pictures for a client, I need to get them done in the 3 days I promise.
I also like using his computer for internet. Its just faster.


Do I snoop on him?
Ehh.. I have .. when we first got together. ( I had to edit this part because I wanted to point out we have been together almost 8 years. I would snoop because we did not know each other very well -less then 2 months- when we moved in together. Me from New mexico to here in texas. There was a point in time that I thought I made a bad decision because I didnt know anything about him )

I do now sometimes when it is close to his birthday / christmas etc.. to see if he has been goggling a certain product more then others in hopes to find a good gift.

Would I read his email? uh.... no.
Would I track his usage? uh.......... no
Would I put a key logger on ? again........uh.....no.

Maybe when I was younger, and I was worried that he might be talking to some girl.
But I have grown past that stage.

We also don't have nasty secrets, and don't live double lives.
We are not cheaters, and don't spend large amounts of money with out talking to the other first.


So, I am not sure I would be ok with someone doing that to me.
Unless you are deliberately hiding something important on our computer, spending all the money you guys have, or are cheating.. there is no reason anyone should be watching your computer.

Ok here is last nights events due to my wife using a blocker /filter that logs entries into a special file that can oly b read by having the password.
I was bored, I enjoy music. I was browsing music vids , and decided to just check out all the sections to see waht you tube hadto offer, one page of blogs
had a section which contained a lot of girls, titled dancing girl, lesbians. the usual more smutty stuff.I moved on clicked next and kept just surfing you tube. According to my wife , she must have felt that I was intentionaly looking for this type of material and cliking on the vids to watch them. Since I was not and did not. I am highly offended to have been doing something, anything and then have the conclusion jump to me seeking out sexually oriented material on the pc again.
DAMN , I like to keep busy , have fun , and find comedy or interesting stuff to watch. It did not have to come down to this.
I am not going to back down on an occasional web site or ad popping up some semi sexual material and then me getting the third degree because I do not love her , want her, and am lying about how good looking to me that she is , just because sex sells on the internet, and human interest even puts it in some unsuspecting areas.
I did not seek out some sexually explicit material.
I mean go to you tube , click through the people blogs and see if you come across sexually oriented material. And I do not mean by SEARCHING it out , by typing " hot girls, or lesbians IE something that is definitely cruising for sex. Just click next through the people blogs. Tell me if you come across sexual material. Then I will have my proof that one can just be going through the pages of vids stored there and come across questionable material. Completely without intending to.

Good grief, I had no idea that so many people out there were so untrusting of their mates.

The computer is an OBJECT people. It doesn't define your marriage or what your marriage should be like or what kind of relationship you have.

So what if you don't have a freakin' password? Is your mate cheating? Maybe. But if he/she is then you surely don't need the computer to figure that out.

Let it go.

There are bigger things in life to worry about than a password. Pick and choose your battles.

Sit her down, and have her just search .

Let her see it pop up for herself.


Google stupid words, then search through google images.
Let her see that it is everywhere no matter what you do.

You will have to be aggressive about it..
Meaning.. you will NEED TO make her sit down and do this herself.

It works.

Funny.. my own husband, for about 2 weeks thought that was what I was doing.

I was looking for places to post an add for my business. And i was looking specificaly in lesbian / gay communities.

Like I said, we use the same computer. No need for key loggers, we can see everything.

Then , I told him what I was looking for, and had him sit down to do the same searches using essentially the same key words.
He wasnt thinking I was cheating, or surfing porn, he just thought it strange that I was focusing on lesbians for a week

It solved the problem 100%


but, besides the action , the key thing for us was communication.

he SAID to me he felt wierd.
he ASKED me what was going on.
i TOLD him what I was doing
I EXPLAINED why

talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and talk some more..
it works

It's frickin' amazing what actually spending time getting to know your partner will do for you, isn't it?

I mean, ****, I feel pretty confident in knowing what my hubby is doing in his private time because I spend enough time getting to actually know him...and I don't have to snoop or pry or bug him about what he's been up to.

Talking is this new wonder treatment for marriage. Everyone should try it at least once.

Oh and my husband and I both have our "own" computers but each feels comfortable using the other ones computer without asking. Mutual respect and mutual trust.

I don't snoop and I trust that he doesn't either. PC privacy? Yeah, but it's sort of unspoken...like don't come into the bathroom while I am pooping. He just doesn't do it and I trust that he won't.

Bella's toilet

That dripping from the front....I haven't had that problem in over 6 months now.

Oh GOD

Hey YOU posted the picture you sicko.

I was just responding.

thank you folks.
I have not wanted to play innocent about this whole scenario.
I have just wanted a chance for things to be proven that they are not a conscience effort on my part, and when I get there I am not buying into it.
And it sounds as if some of you can truly understand that.
On another note ,I have posted similar on a site called marriage builders.
And I am really getting the sense that they condone as well as promote actually looking through internet history,key loggers. Hack programs to see if you spouse is cheating. My first thought is awww come on!!!!
You are telling people to be paranoid , on a site that actually says it promotes marriage. How can that be if you are saying through your words. " GO LOOK!!" Spouses are bad!!! Be careful, those evil conniving mates will screw you over!!!.
how the heck does that promote marriage?
On another note the response to the post was , "don't have anything to hide"
Well I do not and I didn't hide anything , and this morning I awoke to find a letter stating to the degree that I was still betraying my wife through browsing the people and blogs on you tube. One of the pages contained some girls advertising something of the nature . " Hot girls dancing"
It had other questionable material on it. ALTHOUGH , all iahd been doing wasgoing through the people blogs clicking next on the bar at the bottom, I did not view these blogs and , eventually got done just looking there and moved on to comedy. Which again had questionable material.
It appears I may have to just live with a mean letter or harsh words every other day(and no sex because I am a deviant!!) or some cruel stabbing letter before she goes to work.
OR I could just give in and not even TOUCH the pc.
Oh but then again if I leave the tv on a cable channel that might have had an exercise infomercial or might support the girls gone wild ad then I am being a perv and whacking off to that. YES she has accused me of that.
Although I have no idea where she could even get this thought from, I did not know they had those types of ads , and what channel to find them on.
Sorry folks. I just feel under attack and catagorized as a complete sex maniac perv, and she is not the object of that, nor does she want to be.
I apparently need to watch all my moves and be anti sexual. Cause thats a bad thing, to want to be sexual with a woman. including your wife.
at least this is the lesson I am learning,

ok that toilet thing...... thats just wrong..... Shudders.
Lmfao

sorry for derailing your thread there for a bit....

we sometimes get a little carried away here. :wink:

no , please do. I started laughing hysterically and am actullay having some fun now. Derail on lmao

So, did your computer come with key logger software or did your wife install it with the intention of catching you doing something?

installed to catch me up to something.

That's just sad.

She's looking and asking for a reason to distrust you and that is a very sad place to be.

I feel really sorry for you but also for your wife who is making herself miserable over nothing.