Friends with benefits or dating to become bf/gf? You tell me

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I am single and have been single for almost a year. I have had other friends with benefits during this year and before my last major relationship.

I just started seeing this guy about a month ago and I pretty much thought that we were just going to be friends with benefits and that is all he said that he wanted. But this past weekend has gotten me confused... He came over to my house on Friday, we had sex twice and he left. It was great and I have no complaints, so at this point I am ready to go on with the friends with benefits.

So on Saturday, I go over to his house and we have sex, watch movies and what not. Then he says that I can spend the night if I want. I don't see anything wrong with this. Before my last major relationship, I had a lot of friends with benefits and, out of the ones that had their own place, sometimes I would spend the night. So I spent the night on Saturday. We get up, fool around, and he asks if I want to take a shower... Not with him mind you but by myself. I said yes cuz I was feeling rank from the night before and that morning. (all that sex and I went to oyster bake which is a huge sweaty mess in itself...) He then took a shower and asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat. I like spending time with him and I didn't see anything wrong with this since I have eaten with a lot of my friends with benefits in the past. So we go get chinese and actually go inside and sit down. When the check came, I was still eating and he was done. He gets up, grabs the check, and says "Let me take care of this real quick." I was surprised as I thought we were going dutch but I was like okay. Shocked

I told all my friends at work and they definitely think he is wanting more than friends with benefits... the only thing that I didn't tell them is that he told me way before we had sex that he has herpes... I was cool with that especially since he is very cautious in using protection and taking meds. I think I actually blew him away by being so cool. Could this also play a factor? Do you think he is more interested in me just by the fact that I am cool with this tidbit of information or do you think he just wants to keep me a friend with benefit, since he might not get as many due to the herpes issue, and that is why he is acting this way?

So is this on the way to being gf/bf or is this still just friends with benefits? Am I reading too much into it or am I right in thinking that he wants more? I really don't mind either way but I want to know. I want to know how emotionally involved I should get.

If you need more info, just let me know.

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Hey, girl, we have a big gap here in the scenario...

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What gap?

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The point where you tell us how you feel about him.

You act as if he WANTS you to be his girlfriend, then of course you will be.

And if he doesn't want you, then you don't care, because you have no emotions anyway.

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Okay, okay...

Well I like him and if he wants to be bf/gf I would need to spend a lot more time with him to see if that is what I want... There are a few things about him that turn me off and a few things that turn me on.

I like that he is in school and he is really focused. We both have kids and he has met my son. I haven't met his yet but he was great with mine... He likes a lot of the movies I like including chick flicks which I think is awesome. And I really think that is book smarter than me, which just motivates me to want to go back to school, learn more and be smarter than him.

I don't like that he likes to play video games. My ex used to play video games like there was nothing better to do and that is really the only reason... also his apartment is really a guys apartment, which turns me off since I picked up after my ex and 3 kids for 2.5 years...

So I am really up in the air if I only want FWB or if I want to be bf/gf with him...

Tell me how you think he feels... I don't want to be all tell me about your feelings with him.

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It's possible that he wants to be more than just FWB with you, but that's not necessarily the case. The fact that he had a lot of sex with you doesn't mean he loves you. It means he likes sex, which is pretty normal. That he asked you to spend the night and get breakfast doesn't mean he wants a LTR with you either...I have spent the night and had breakfast with plenty of straight guys and they never asked me to "commit." And finally, the fact that he invited you to use his shower is a common courtesy that any normal person would offer.

Chances are high that is possibly interested in a relationship based solely on the fact that people tend to get attached after sleeping together, and accepting the terms of FWB in the beginning doesn't mean that he's not going to fall for you later.

Clearly you are not desperate to jump into a LTR with this guy, yet you have said that you enjoy hanging out with him. He agreed to a FWB relationship, and he hasn't been bugging you about it, so why make it an issue now?

You don't always have to know what other people are thinking.

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I just don't want to be caught by surprise... and I also want to find out early on if I should run or if I should stick with it.

Thanks for your input!

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I'm always looking for new friends -- with beefits, of course. Cool

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lol... so am I.

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Not that gap. The one where you lived with your partner in his house with your and his children and we all discussed the scenarios of that over many months, perhaps years, and then, and then, that started to fall apart.

So, now you have this new relationship for us to comment on.

That's the gap I am talking about.

What do you think, we are feeder fish?
Never mind.

I've just lost interest, you don't post straight, pp.

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ossobucco: Thinking about it again, I wonder if you confuse this girl with another princessp... here...

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Yes, princesspupule.

princesspois44 is new.

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You're right, I was totally confused. I beg your pardon, princesspois44!

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ossobuco wrote:

You're right, I was totally confused. I beg your pardon, princesspois44!

Haha...you guys are so quick to jump to conclusions Laughing

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lol... yeah I am totally new... So you want to hear about the other guy huh? Okay you asked for it...

So the other guy, father of my child, he was lazy, self centered, and stupid... He would have been smart if he applied himself but he didn't. He either didn't know how to clean or he did a half ass job... I never figured it out. I think he was just lazy. He never held a job longer than a year and that is pretty amazing considering he has three kids, one is my son. I allowed him and his other two kids to move in with me and I was working 40+ hours a week and cooking and cleaning. He would cook half the time and clean some of the time but he did such a half ass job that I would have preferred just to do it myself. He at one point was working close, and I say close to 40 hours a week but then he would want to do anything around the house. After 3 years of that crap, I was fed up... Last year he only made about $5,000.00 while I made close to $30,000.00...

Do you need more? Very Happy

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[quote="princesspois44"]...He never held a job longer than a year and that is pretty amazing considering he has three kids, ...[/quote]

I know some people like that and know how that feels like...

[quote="princesspois44"]... I was working 40+ hours a week and cooking and cleaning. ... After 3 years of that crap, I was fed up... [/quote]

Understandable!

[quote="princesspois44"]...Last year he only made about $5,000.00 while I made close to $30,000.00... [/quote]

If there weren't all the other things, I'd say: it can't be all about the money. There are lots of relationships where one partner (usually the woman) earns a lot less, and the relationship still works out, but with the rest of the story, I can see where you come from!

To come back to your original question:
HAve you ever considered just asking the guy if he's changed his mind and would like a closer relationship?

By the way, never heard of fwb before... people I know usually talk about f**k-buddies!

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Bohne wrote:

If there weren't all the other things, I'd say: it can't be all about the money. There are lots of relationships where one partner (usually the woman) earns a lot less, and the relationship still works out, but with the rest of the story, I can see where you come from!

Come on Bohne...he comes to the relationship with 2 kids, pops out a 3rd with her, and then only put up 5 thousand dollars a year? That's like how much I made over the summer working at a grocery store when I was 16. It's damn pathetic for a man with 3 kids.

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lol... I am glad we agree about the ex... I wouldn't have minded making all the money but then coming home and having to cook and clean as well... That sucked... and he wouldn't have been able to make all the money so I could stay home cuz he didn't have any skills except knowing how to flip burgers... Mad

So the other guy that I am talking to now, back to him... I haven't talked to him all week but that is how it has been with us... He calls me right before the weekend to see what I am doing... But you know, we really never said that it was just going to be FWB and we never said that we were dating either... We never had any sort of understanding on the subject... So I don't know... But we did meet through myspace and I did say on my page that I was taking apps for FWB... Twisted Evil

lol :wink:

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[quote="stuh505"][quote="Bohne"]If there weren't all the other things, I'd say: it can't be all about the money. There are lots of relationships where one partner (usually the woman) earns a lot less, and the relationship still works out, but with the rest of the story, I can see where you come from![/quote]

Come on Bohne...he comes to the relationship with 2 kids, pops out a 3rd with her, and then only put up 5 thousand dollars a year? That's like how much I made over the summer working at a grocery store when I was 16. It's damn pathetic for a man with 3 kids.[/quote]

Yes, but that's why I said 'If there weren't all the other things, ...'

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And back to the original question:

Yes, I'd definitely ask about HIM it!

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Friends with benefits or dating to become bf/gf? You tell me

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