Practical Jokes--- Take Two...

Take out a LOVE ad under his name in the local paper and make it really ridiculous.

Chai... I'm not being sarcastic. I'm being real.

Lets go down to the sunset grill
We can watch the working girls go by
Watch the basket people walk around and
Mumble
And stare out at the auburn sky
Theres an old man there from the old world
To him, its all the same
Calls all his customers by name
Down at the sunset grill

Maybe well leave come springtime
Meanwhile, have another beer
What would we do without these jerks
Anyway?
Besides, all our friends are here
Down at the sunset grill

Chai
I find that funny. Don't ask why. I am laughing though.
Just know I have a weird sense of humor. So, I can see your
post in different ways. I could list them but, how much time
do you have?

I am still laughing.

Oh my God....

I just had one of my occassional premonitions, a vision of the future.

Let me see if I can paint a picture...

I see a phychiatrists office. The doctor is making notes as an overwrought man, wearing a wifebeater that shows off his biceps and tatoos lies on the couch, hands trembling.

Doc...I...I don't know what came over me that night. I know I shouldn't have but when this barfly that hangs around drinking whiskey sours most nights of the week said she had to pay the water bill, and don't throw out her 1/2 inch of drink. I lost my mind. I...oh God I hope I can say this out loud...I replaced it with some straight whiskey sour mix!

Doctor: I see, go on....

Well, when she came back, I had a second in which I could have redeemed myself, and come up, taken her drink, and told her I'd seen a fly land on an ice cube. (man starts to curl into a fetal position)...I didn't.
I let her grab that glass, knowing she was going to pound it back.

I can't tell you about her reaction yet Doctor, I'm just not strong enough yet. Maybe at some other session.

From then on, I haven't had more than 15 minutes of sleep at a time. I keep waking up in a sweat, wondering how she will make her payback.

For awhile, I though the anticipation had to be worse than her actual punishment. I was so, so wrong.

Two days ago, she came in and had a few rounds. She talked about the sunset, and about some forum she goes on where there are some pretty high and might people, if you asked her opinion.

I was lulled....Oh the humanities, I was lulled! She slide off her barstool, the one she always takes, as it's conformed to the contours of her ass, and said "I gotta get home, American Idol's starting soon, here ya go, Joe"

Then....then....She PUT $10.00 WORTH OF PENNIES UP ON THE BAR, AS MY TIP! Doc, please help me. How am I supposed to deal with someone with such fiendish, devious ways?

I then see the man break down sobbing, overwhelmed by the prospect of living with 1,000 pennies. A heavy, heavy albatross around his already burdened neck.

She's gonna come back Doctor! She's gonna come back! I can't go back to the bar. Who know's what horror she'll think of next!

The phychiatrist looks up from the Sudoku puzzle he'd been working on behind his notebook and says "Hmm? Sorry I missed that last part."



Now THAT's sarcasm.

Dang Chai. You are a good writer. And that's not sarcasm.

So, tell me Chai... what's your motive here? Why all this sudden interest in taking the things I say, twisting them, and trying to make me look bad? Is it suppose to be hurting my feelings? (not sarcasm) I find this whole thing quite interesting actually. How much attention you are giving such a worthless barfly like me. It's almost comical because of the childishness of it all. But hey... thanks for the attention. I am actually starting to enjoy reading what you'll think of next. You must have a lot of time on your hands too... to be putting so much effort into whatever it is you're trying to do here.

At least she comes out and says what she means, instead of hiding behind mendacious politeness.

And she's right... you don't do sarcasm well.

Hey there drewdad. So, let me say this once more... I'm not even trying to be sarcastic... anymore. Though at one point I was, I'll admit.

And in what part of what I'm writing here am I not saying what I mean? Or better yet, what is it that you seem to think I'm not saying that I should be? This is how I am. So maybe you all are just reading a little too much into what I write? Maybe hoping I'm getting a little more upset about this than I really am? What is it exactly? If you don't mind telling me that is.

My head just exploded. Excuse me while I pick up the fragments.

If you want to know what I honestly think here, which I've stated already... that Chai has a motive other than just being "helpful" or that she hates practical jokes. Which is why I asked her. Actually I'm really starting to wonder if she has a personal vendetta against me. AND... I actually think I might know why if that is the case. However that's not the point, because only Chai really knows why Chai is acting this way. I'm not going to sit here and make accusations about anything because I'm not for sure really what is going on.

So... with that said I will also tell you that I'm starting to get the feeling that I am expected to be sitting in a corner crying my eyes out because Chai is acting this way towards me. Because very few people are responding to my posts, and a lot of times those responses are sarcastic sounding. That I'm expected to start a few threads about no one liking me... I'm all alone in this world... oh whoa is me... Which with how I was behaving previously when I was here... I guess that's not too unrealistic of an expectation.

You know what though? I'm not. Because if there is intentional ill treatment going on at this point I am more than certain I deserve it. What I was and what I am now are becoming two completely separate things at this point. But I'm not gonna run around trying to prove that to anyone. Why should I? What's the point? If people like me... fine, thanks, I appreciate that. If not... well... ok. It's all good, I'm not going to blame anyone for not liking me. I'm not going to cry my eyes out because they don't. And I'm definitely not going to grovel to try and get people to forgive me. That would be a big waste of time and energy.

I will say that I know I somehow grew into a completely pathetic, attention whore before when I was here. That I became so self centered and self consumed that the only thing I was willing to see was my own pain and how no one was "helping" me through it, as I saw it. I will say I did and said some really nasty things as a result of that. And I will say that I am sorry. Because I am. Not because I care one way or another if anyone actually believes that or decides to give me another chance. We're in the real world. Not everyone gets a second chance. Not everyone deserves it. And maybe... just maybe... I am one of those people. But that's not for me to decide. It's for you to decide. Who ever reads this. I won't blame you either way.

So, whatever... right? It's A2K. It's a community. Some people get along just fine, and others don't. It's life. Time to grow up and move on.

Oh you know what? That reminds me of the book I'm just finishing. It's called

World War Z (An oral history of the zombie war)
By
Max Brooks.

I have no idea what the critics say, but I am really enjoying it. I'm starting to get the idea that getting away from zombies would not be all that easy. However, when you hit them smack between the eyes with your lobotomizer, they don't stop and pick up the brain fragments.

As soon as I finish this I'm going to get his first book, "The Zombie Survival Guide"

I think it'll fill me in on a lot of the tactics that Max assumes you know in World War Z.

Uh, thanks for responding to my suggestions, Treya - I thought they were pretty good. I guess you're not really interested in pulling a prank on this dude.

I'm not a practical joker person but I was interested in the thread, and liked Mame's ideas, conceptually.

Yeah! What Osso said.

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry mame. I didn't think anyone was actually taking this thread seriously. You're ideas are pretty funny. My favorite one is the wanted poster. Though, sadly I don't think I know him well enough to pull any of those off.

You don't have to know him well at all and he'd never know it was you unless you wanted him to.

Heh... that's true...

But then that would take some of the fun out of it too. I do worry that a couple of them could be considered harmful in some ways. Wouldn't want to do anything that would ruin the fun or upset him.

He has a motorcycle that he drives to work. I was thinking about maybe covering it in pink streamers while he's working one night. That might be kind of funny. Hmmm... maybe not though. *shrugs*

We'll have to see how the penny thing goes over. If anything... just to see the look on his face will be funny...

I played a joke on my sister's tax return. She was driving me nuts. So,
I entered on her Schedule C a description of an expense that only the IRS and some tax preparers will know what it means. We have a secret language. She won't even notice it. It will make someone laugh.

The expense is legit, the description is not. However I sign it so I will take responsibility for it if it ever becomes an issue. I highly doubt it will.

I think it is funny.

I realize Treya it doesn't apply in your situation. Just do what you think is right.

It's done. And it was FUNNY! Wish you could have been there to see the look on his face. Holy crap.... and now... the war is on... heh...