Girl taking the first step

(I'm a girl, but when I've taken the first step, the guys were pretty much universally appreciative. Not always though of course, it's a chance like anything else.)

Re: Girl taking the first step


I'd offer an opinion but I just got slammed on another thread for offering a "mans eye view" so your on your own kiddo.

Why not?

What's wrong wtih a woman taking initiative?

This isn't the stone age. We do actually have brains that function as more than a means to procreate and raise youngins.

Ask him out. What do you have to lose?

Ahhhh....there's the rub.

You say the guy doesn't appear uninterested, but he's not taking the initiative.

Perhaps he's shy.

If you look around here, you'll see quite a few threads started by guys who want to meet a nice girl, want to talk to a particular girl, but don't know how to do it, get it started, etc.

If you are interested, you might be doing him a HUGE favor by taking the first step. For all you know, he may be wondering if you like him, what he should say to you to start a conversation, how to ask you out, etc.

Generally, women are better verbal communicators, it isn't as hard for us to think of something to start up a conversation.

From what you say, I don't think you have anything to lose, and a lot to gain, by pursuing a conversation with him. As old fashioned as it might sound, offering food might be a good ice breaker.

Have some cookies or muffins or something around when you know you'll see him, and offer him one. You don't even have to make them yourself.

Well, now he's there, he's not going to just take one and run away....don't worry, you'll know what to say then, it'll just come :wink:

BTW, it's was really nice to hear someone say, "I met a really nice guy". I dunno, it just makes it sound like you've paid enough attention to really find out he's nice.

Let us know what happens!!!

Eirene, you know it's tiresome being the man always being expected to make the critical steps. It's not fair, it gets tiresome. We don't always want to feel like we are hunting prey...so it really is nice when girls take the initiative for a change, and make the guy feel a bit hunted. I've had some great relationships initiated by the woman, so I say go for it.

you're right stuh, I really don't envy the guy feeling like he's always got to make the first move.

For women, especially when you're younger, it's tense as well. That feeling of, I like him, I wish he would say something to me. If he would just say something I could talk.

but, he's hesitant about saying something, afraid of rejection.

It's a vicious cycle, isn't it?

hmmm...I guess that why I mentioned the food....it's a way to get two people in the same area for a few minutes. If you've got a few minutes to eat that bagel or muffin, you won't just sit there in silence, will you? Once you've talked for a few minutes, you're comfortable talking again, and again.

I mean, the guys going to realize the girl at least likes him as a person, she's not going to offer him food if she thinks he's a complete loser, is she?

You know, I think that a lot of times, all that's needed for romance or friendship too bloom is just the tiniest of nudges, to get the ball rolling.

It's hard not to like someone if you've eaten their baked goods.

Come to think of it, when I first met my husband, he gave me a peanut butter pie he had made.

I hate peanut butter pie.

But....I told him it was D-licious. :wink:

Pretty name, Eirene. I really like it.

A first step is good but there should be immediate mutual clicking or your way may be blocked for some good reason. Men can be so annoying in the way their heads work. Some think they should flirt with everyone; some are shy & really interested. Weed 'em out (it's spring).


I can tell you my story.... I took the first step after smiling a lot at the man sitting next to me in class. We shared cigarettes* & a little talk for a couple of days. Then I said I had to go, I was going shopping.... pause.... would he like to come along? That was a fun, "brief" date -- and the next good idea was his.

Any man willing to go shopping is likely very interested.

Tell this potential beau of yours that you are headed out shopping & would he like to come along. Casually ask if he'd like to help you pick it out. Any man willing to go shopping is likely very interested.


*<ahem> Not recommended! Also, not recommended... I was shopping for hotpants. ;-) A better choice today might be a CD or wine or fishing gear.


http://www.artnet.com/magazine_pre2000/features/harris/topless10.asp

And any woman willing to take a guy shopping for hotpants is likely very interested! ;-)

I came in to answer, but I see that everything I wanted to say 's already been said..

so I cant do nothing but repeat, echo and agree with what Chai and Stuh said.

Which, considering the context of another thread, I think is kinda really cool

Ha

Sozobe....




No? It seemed like a good idea at the time!

It is, it is.. just the observation was so funny because, well, its so true.. hell yeah you gotta be pretty damn interested to go shopping with a girl*


(*Unless, of course, she's got really good taste, ample money, and is going to show off all the gorgeous things she's going to buy to you :wink: )

Like hotpants!

Oh yeah!

Oh, okay. I thought you might be questioning my crass manipulations. Defnitely, that fella and I hardly ever go shopping anymore, even though we've been married a gazillion years. But yes, all the rest "fits".. the good taste... etc. Funny thing, that may have been the ONLY time those hot pants were worn.


I hope Eireen has good luck -- spring is in the air, for sure!

I am guilty of eating entire jars of peanut butter in one sitting. I don't mean to. But then I just find myself with a spoon in my hand taking one bite. And then another. And it's so good. And then it's all gone. I bet peanut butter pie is good...I've never heard of it before.



Note: I have never heard of hotpants either, but I googled it. Apparently they were a short-lived fashion that was prevalent only during the cold-months of a single year. Very interesting...

The only difficulty I had with taking the initiative to move things along with a guy I was interested in, was I would be disappointed in the end. Either the guy would end up being a bore, or I had nothing in common with them, or all that shyness disappeared and they suddenly thought they were the bomb, and wanted to have sex immediately, because I expressed interest.

Well, I guess that's what guys go through all the time, since they are traditionally the ones to move it along.

Gala, ya gotta put hooks in the water to catch a fish...you might have to throw some back before getting a keeper, but if you don't fish, you won't catch anything.