Don't Like Hubby's New Friend

kill them.

This depends on whether they're male or female, doesn't it?

Let them have time together on their own.

We used to know a couple, a friend of E.G.'s and his wife. We'd get together because they were friends. The guy and his wife weren't obnoxious or anything, but we just didn't really click.

What drove me crazy was that I totally didn't mind if guy and E.G. got together and had fun and left me out of it, but guy's wife insisted on doing everything with the guy, and if she was involved they always invited me and seemed put out if I declined. I always had a minimally OK time, but it drove me crazy that there was some weird rule about me being involved. (Go have fun! Leave me alone! )

Re: Don't Like Hubby's New Friend


Encourage them to have a great time without me.

ohhh...very touchy subject.

In the past, my husband has known people that I just had a bad gut feeling about, and tried to just stay out of the way. Then, through various experiences, where things turned out badly, I would find myself saying to him "you know, I had a feeling this might happen"

Usually, it's around the fact that Mr. Tea is a man of his word, and if he likes someone, he thinks they will be too.

This will be hard for you since it's the first time you've disagreed over something like this. I've gotten to the point where I'll just quietly say once, "there's something "joe" does I have a funny feeling about..." and Mr. Tea knows to ask me what it is. Then I'll feel free to briefly share.

Does your husband take subtle hints you drop? Or do you have to clunk him over the head?

Do you know about this guys background, as far a previous business dealings?

Are you concerned that this guy is going to harm your husband in some way, eoe, or is it just that you don't like hanging out with him?

(And a tip o' the chapeau to ehGreatmind)

Perhaps you're attracted to this man, and you don't want to admit it.

I picked up, (could be wrong) that because they are going to be business associates, she is concerned because she doesn't quite trust him.

Don't know what the business is, but if I don't trust someone, I'm not going to trust losing money with them.

I see. That's different from how I read it at first, Chai's the one who went that direction. I thought you were emphasizing that you just didn't like him much, in terms of spending time together.

That's harder for sure. There's only so much you can do to protect another adult. I guess say your piece, and then leave it up to Mr. Eoe to do what he thinks is right. I see how that's hard though.

I would agree 100% with you soz if it was purely friendship. Hey, no rule saying you have to like all of each others friends....

I know what it feels like to loose hard earned cash due to something happening that you kinda saw coming, but the other person didn't.

At that point, it's your money that's gone as well.

eh...I could be totally wrong though, eoe might be concentrating on the friendship angle.

When business gets involved though, both partners (meaning in the marriage) have a say.

Actually, while I was talking about friendship before, now I'm talking about the business part.

I guess it depends on how much money is at stake. But unless the stakes are really high, like "do this and I'm out of here" high, I'm not sure what eoe can really do besides "this is my take and this is why I think so."

I absolutely detested my friends friend. She did nothing wrong but was just cold toward me (perhaps a little jealous I was intruding between her and her friend). Anyway I soon tired of having to go out with the gang of us three or more where this other friend showed herself to be particularly unfriendly to me specifically (she was fine with everyone else). So I just told my friend that I would not be attending the next social gathering and made it clear that this other girl and I are not going to be mixing again. She told her of course and when next I met her she was snotty with me and I told her to cut it out, that I didn't care to be around her as much as she didn't care to be around me and it wasn't necessary for us to see each other again.

This situation is a bit different in that there's business involved.
The guy probably can't change how his personality comes across. He's been this way for a long time and it could just be his way. I know if I don't particularly like a person then I just don't mingle. However, in terms of the business you and your hubbie are in with him, if I were you I would give him a gentle bit of jokey ribbing about how you are the type of person to hunt down and destroy people who mess with you and yours (in a very gentle, non-Heeven kind of way). Do it in a way that is kidding around but be a firm no-messing-with-me kind of look in the eye. If he thinks you are kick-ass woman, he is less likely to be careless with your husbands cash, and it can be done so that he gets the message and feelings/friendship are not blatantly trod upon.

If you don't want to do the joking thing, tell him a "real-life" story, of a "friend" of yours, make-up something, a situation, where this friend got screwed by someone financially and how she went and destroyed the screwer of the situation. Make up a scary story and do the tut-tut, what a lunatic she is .... but we are great friends and she loves me to pieces.

This way you are not openly showing your dislike of this guy, you are not getting in between your hubby and his friendship, but you are putting out a warning, and he'd be a complete fool not to pick up on it.

As for the social thing, well don't do it if you don't care for him and his wife. Tell the guys to do a guys thing and the wife is just going to have to deal. A very occasional get-together for the sake of a business deal is one thing, having to see these people you don't care for, in the guise of a friendship, is too much.

No, I am really focused on the business angle, to be honest. But I think that maybe, hopefully, as time goes on this guy will not feel the need to be so boastful. Some people lay it on thick when you first meet them but then, after realizing that you're not judging them, they relax. I've got my fingers crossed that this is the type of guy we're dealing with.

It's just so childish. I mean, is this a guy thing or what? I'm experiencing this alot recently. Running into braggy men. I hardly ever meet women like this. Well, I did meet a woman over the holidays that was just like this, braggy as all getout, and it stunned me because she is an accomplished artist with works on display at the Smithsonian, no less. She didn't need to brag. She's bad and she has the credentials to prove it. But then I learned that she is also a major flake and has burned bridges all over the world and that explained her bizarre behavior to me. Like i said earlier, some people tend to be braggy when their track record is funky. Hers is most definitely funky.

For the most part tho, it's the men that are so hellbent on puffing themselves up. Is this just accepted behavior amongst men or is something else going on these days with the male species? Are men feeling threatened somehow?

I'm assuming from context by the way that he's using money that's understood to be his to use... If it's their money that's at stake, assuming that eoe would have more of a say/ veto power.

Ah I love that BS because I'll call a person on it, and get away with it, but I do it as a joke!

Guy talking to a new client and embellishing his record and status, client was getting dazed look in eye and started to lose focus, could tell she was getting a wee bit annoyed so when it got to me, to introduce myself and do a bit of a bio, I leaned across the table, shook her hand, and said "Heeven, I do everything he just said he did, but he takes the credit!" She roared laughing and he did too but it broke up the tension and he is less arrogant of late.

Hubby hasn't invested any money as of yet. It's his precious time that he's giving up and that's fine, but he's the type to engulf himself, put his all into it and, I'm just not altogether certain that it's wise, under the circumstances. He's had some major disappointments recently and I'd just hate to see this blow up in his face as well. He's the sensitive sort that can be devastated by callousness but, he refuses to take off the rose-colored glasses. I love him for that, his perpetual optimism and yet, I've seen what disappointment can do to him.

Yeah.

You've said all this to him?

(Heeven, you are the champ at this stuff...)

Of course but, I'm just a mean ol' witch who trusts no one.