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Thu 22 Mar, 2007 11:11 am
I had to spend 25 dollars to replace my flat, worn out tire with a used one....and she whines and complains that it's too much. Meanwhile I found out she spent about 150 bucks two days ago on clothes which she hardly wears or in most cases just throws it in the closet and never wears them ever again.
Point that out to her next time she moans.
I hate contradictive people.
I did address this to her....but to no avail. I don't think I'm getting through to her.
The clothes are piling up in our house where I can't see most of my floors anymore.
We could probably saved about $80,000 dollars from the past 10 years instead of these worthless junk just taking up space in the home.
Do you think she's a compulsive shopper?
I'm beginning to think she is.
Chai wrote:Do you think she's a compulsive shopper?
Oh my - that was exactly what I was thinking!
One of my friends was a complusive shopper. She used to buy stuff and then hide it from her husband. She would put it way in the back of her closet - her closet was pretty much another room simply full of clothes. She would then take it out a month later, and put it on. If her husband commented on the "new" outfit - she would say - oh I just pulled this out from the back of the closet.
So how do I deal with this problem in short of slapping my wife around to bring her sanity back?
Jeremiah wrote:So how do I deal with this problem in short of slapping my wife around to bring her sanity back?
My friend knew she had a shopping addiction and would joke about it. Could you ask your wife to return items she purchased? I think sometimes just the thrill of buying is enough.
Or perhaps discuss your concerns - in a nice respectful way. Is it bad enough that she might want some therapy?
My friend actually calmed down after she had a baby - her focus changed - not that I suggest you have a baby.
If and I say IF, she has a problem with compulsive shopping, she's got to deal with the root of the problem. The shopping is covering up for something else, maybe.
Shopping gives a lot of people a rush. It's a hunt, and capturing the prize.
I'm not much into shopping, but even I get a good feeling when I find what I want and get it home. I guess everyone feels a little of it.
check out some websites on the subject J.
No, don't slap her around, she'd have to buy bandages :wink:
Chai & Linkat, I am detecting a strange implication from the two of you that you don't think all women are compulsive shoppers. Sounds like an enigma to me!
It does sound like compulsive shopping, which is a real-live addiction.
I agree it sounds like it, and it can be a serious addiction.
I used to have a bit of it. I've also never had scads of money, so it was a problem. I started to get a handle on it one day when I noticed I was sort of crabby leaving the store. The best part of it all had been making the decision to buy and walking towards the counter. Leaving the counter and walking out the door could be the start of thinking about what else I 'needed'.
In my case it was more of a phase, as I got interested in other things, like, say, drawing. And while I still like to shop, I don't have to have stuff any more. I can just be visiting my vast number of 'display galleries'.
There are probably books and books on this subject.
stuh505 wrote:Chai & Linkat, I am detecting a strange implication from the two of you that you don't think all women are compulsive shoppers. Sounds like an enigma to me!
Why I oughta..... :wink:
J -
Is shopping her main recreation? Does she do it as a "pick-me-up"
Here's one of just many links I saw.....
Compulsive Shopping
When people do stuff like this, I wonder how it manifested itself in different ages?
There weren't always malls, and everyone didn't live in a village. What you needed you made.
Chai--
I think for many people, spending money is a display of power; proof that the shopper can indulge him/her self.
Over the years I've tried to teach budgeting to several retarded individuals and a few other members on the fringes of Mr. Noddy's family. No matter how high or low the I.Q., these people react to the notion of self-denial as though they are being told they are Second Class Citizens.
My brother in law and his girlfriend had this problem. His money was used to keep the houshold running pay rent utilities fuel food, holidays,etc but she spent her money (she worked as well) on her boots shoes clothing etc.
She's gone now, after taking about $1800.00 from the houshold account.
She was just selfish not a shopaholic.
ossobuco wrote:
There are probably books and books on this subject.
Sounds like a good thing to shop for.
Shopping addiction is actually the same as a gambling addiction. It effects the part of the brain that has to do with anticipation. A shopping addict is not really interested in the item, often it ends up in a closet with the tags still attached months later. All the fun is in the finding and acquiring. It's the same for gamblers, its not the money but rather the anticipation of how the game will turn out. It's why many gamblers just let their winnings ride. The best way to understand this is to think about how you feel when someone gives you a wrapped present. The best part is the unwrapping, you get a little high - often that is a better feeling than what the gift inspires. I think it's related to our primitive hunter/gatherer roots. It's the thrill of the hunt, it keeps you going.
Jeremiah, you might want to explain this to her. Often when a shopping addict understands why they do this behavior they have better control over it. The other option is for her to go to Gamblers Anonymous, their techniques will work on her problem if she is willing to change.
patiodog wrote:ossobuco wrote:
There are probably books and books on this subject.
Sounds like a good thing to shop for.
That
did occur to me after I clicked the submit button..
Green Witch wrote:Shopping addiction is actually the same as a gambling addiction. It effects the part of the brain that has to do with anticipation. A shopping addict is not really interested in the item, often it ends up in a closet with the tags still attached months later. All the fun is in the finding and acquiring. It's the same for gamblers, its not the money but rather the anticipation of how the game will turn out. It's why many gamblers just let their winnings ride. The best way to understand this is to think about how you feel when someone gives you a wrapped present. The best part is the unwrapping, you get a little high - often that is a better feeling than what the gift inspires. I think it's related to our primitive hunter/gatherer roots. It's the thrill of the hunt, it keeps you going.
Hah, I've been so guilty of this in the past, too..but come on haven't we all?
stuh505 wrote:Green Witch wrote:Shopping addiction is actually the same as a gambling addiction. It effects the part of the brain that has to do with anticipation. A shopping addict is not really interested in the item, often it ends up in a closet with the tags still attached months later. All the fun is in the finding and acquiring. It's the same for gamblers, its not the money but rather the anticipation of how the game will turn out. It's why many gamblers just let their winnings ride. The best way to understand this is to think about how you feel when someone gives you a wrapped present. The best part is the unwrapping, you get a little high - often that is a better feeling than what the gift inspires. I think it's related to our primitive hunter/gatherer roots. It's the thrill of the hunt, it keeps you going.
Hah, I've been so guilty of this in the past, too..but come on haven't we all?
Of course, American was built on those urges. There would be no economy if we could all resist the temptation of new stuff. It's only a problem when you can't control the urge and you use shopping like a drug.
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