Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

Error.

Ah, many of my past post that rang of sadness were problems of the spirit, not the heart! The spiritual problems exist whether or not she is here. The post was not a sad one, indeed I was in a good mood. I was just sitting there and wondered if anyone else would, or does live, this life style. I reallydo appreciate your concerns about me but it truly was not the intent of the post.

She´s been away for over six months?
You probably have a very very fond heart by now morganwood.
I think it must be something one gets accustomed to.
I value waking up with my loved ones in the morning.

You know hebba, fond is soft meaningful word and indeed what we feel for each other. Love is there but fond denotes more of the warmth in being quietly with another person.

I've not been on a thread with you before. I'm pleased to meet you!

Being apart is not good the heart grows fond when a couple are together. Apartness is not good.

Morganwood ~ for the last fifteen years, out of 37, my sister and I have become very close. We live several states apart and have become closer because of the separation.

I've yet to meet my new nephew and it bothers me daily. My three year old niece doesn't know me.....We have weekly chats on the phone, but she has no idea how much her Auntie Rae-Rae loves her and thinks about her all the time. Even though her Mom, my sister, has 'taught' her to say 'I love you' when someone else says it to her, it doesn't have any meaning for me.....she's saying it because that's what she's been taught.

My sister was in college, a few hours away, when my son was born. My son has grown up 'knowing' his Aunt Kim because she came home every chance she got and they are very close, even today.

The heart does grow fonder with absence.

At least with me, I'm reminded everyday, of what I'm missing.

It seems it's more like out of site, out of mind. My girlfriend married another guy when I got stationed overseas in Morocco. I believe to this day it was best for both of us. c.i.

JD, I think some "apartness" is good for anyone. I say this in the same vein as that of your contention. There is some amount of joy in simply "coming home" even if from no more than a simple business trip. There is that returning kiss and "I'm glad to be back" and the "I missed you" part that seems to step outside and beyond the simple coming home from work. And, I think, to some extent, it's just good to get away sometimes.

In my situation, I see myself as fortunite, to some extent. When I fly out to see her or she is home for some perion, everything stops and we focus solely on each other. There is both a physical and emotionala richness in that period that I'm not sure would exist if we were constantly together.

The initial thought of absence making the heart grow fonder may not have been the most appropriate phrasing and was more to draw attention to the topic. When I returned from Viet Nam I had lost a wife. I heard it mentioned on television that the divorce rate among special forces, SEAL, etc troops is about 90% because of the tims spent away from home training. In light of that, your contention would be the more accurate.

I think that it works for us because we were a little older and we were both fairly independent. Me bacause of my childhood situation, Linda just because that's Linda. A simple example is that she walked into my office one day and asked me if I had time to come out to see the car we had bought. I said "WE?" and laughed. It wors for us but I really don't know why and posted just to see if others had a similar lifestyle and how it worked for the. I also hoped that others of youir ilk would respond. Thanks for doing so!

in response to the title of the thread: sometimes.

sometimes it gives you time you need. time to appreciate the person and the togetherness when you have it.

sometimes it allows you the time to be cold-blooded and dispassionate about things that need to be looked at with clear, dispassionate eyes.

sometimes.

Sorry Rae and ci. I didn't see your post until after I posted. I know what I'm missing and to some degree try to make up for it when we are together. ci, I find that it was indeed best for my first wife and I. Not to be crass but, my first marriage was based on a huge errection and the thought of going off to war. Not much to base a marriage upon!

Absolutely no need for an apology, morganwood.

I wasn't even going "off to war." Just a one year overseas assignment to Morocco. I told my girlfriend I'll make promotion to E4, then get married when I returned. I got a "Dear John" letter about six months more to go. I know what you mean about our libido - especially at that age. c.i.

The title of the thread reminds me of the line:

"How can I miss you if you won't go away!!??

Thank you jjorge!! Haven't seen you in a while. Good line!

It has been part of experiences of romantic love for a long time: the matter of not being able to Have....and part of marriage, etc., for a long time to have to deal with Having on a day to day basis.

Much of the attraction for what they call adultery is... No, actually I won't say that it is much of the attraction, initially. Attraction is attraction. But the continuance of it in those situations may be affected by the lack of dealing further with long term practical life, combined with the attraction for yearning itself.

On touring nurses, I happen to be able to give a kitchen eye view. The building across the street from my kitchen window is a duplex let by a fellow who rents to people for 6 month (I think) terms, and many of his tenants are nurses, male or female. Over a few years now, I have gotten to talk with several of them. They come over to see me weed the hydrangea patch, and I go check out their dog, or just say hi. Really, there is a remarkable lack of exciting hanky panky in this particular locale at this particular time. 'Course I don't do dishes at 1 a.m. and don't station myself at the window with checking them out in mind. I did do that once, but that was when the meth folks were there, a one time situation.

Absence can work in a lot of ways, and making fonder is one of them. Bringing relief and peace can be another. Bringing new awareness of how things weren't working is another. And so on.

Traveling nurses, as far a I know through association with my wife, are a very professional bunch. They come in, usually work 12 hour shifts, go back, run errands and sleep. On their day off they tour. It is not the least uncommon for them to asked to remain as full time employees. They never do though. I guess there is some kinship with Woody Guthrie or something.

Another neat group of nurses to know are the ER/Tramua nurses. Linda was one for about 12 years. Now these people are strictly "Do your job or get the hell out of my way" kind of people. They deal with trauma that way in thje ER and it becomes a subtle way of life. I was amazed at the number of nurses that start in ER's and cant deal with the pace and gravity. That's the kind of woman I've been jhanging around with all these years and it sorta works!

Linda refuses to work day shift. She will not deal with the administrators and day people. She has always worked secongd or third shift. So, we had to deal with the adultry issue early on. We both knew if we wanted to have an affair we easily could. We just had to learn to trust each other from the start and go from there.

Those temp nurses are costing the hospital an arm and a leg. We ran into a similar situation when my wife and I visited San Luis Obispo some years ago. The hotel where we stayed also had temp nurses stay there for several months, and the hospital paid the bill. Those nurses also earned premium pay. c.i.

I dunno, CI, it may be premium, but they were underpaid to start....you speak with an old lab technologist. I don't think the med money is all made by ordinary (sic) staff.

Sounds to me that some choice in having a good marriage also gets round to the point of "being poor but happy" vs. "better off, and sometimes happy". There doesn't seem to be a resounding all-around "happy" for those that miss each other much during the absences.

Perhaps this thought applies to those in marriages that are intact most of the time living together, as well as to those who have time off from each other by choice or need. Often we know many folks with the "better off, but unhappy" situation, whether or not they live mostly together or separately often.

And then: what does each of the spouses think? I'd think that men as they age are more dependent on having the companionship of a loved partner, moreso than for women. Women are conditioned from early on and through the centuries - that they will likely survive their husbands and be on their own. I've seen more sad and lonely men in middle and later years than women. Why?

I admire those with marriages that work well for both, no matter how their time is spent toghether or apart. I've had two long-term relationships that would have worked best for each of us to have had our own home, but that was not in the cards. For myself, I wish to grow old with my someone special. Hopefully I will have that opportunity. If not, I will at least appreciate those men I have loved and still love, though we are parted. My life has been good to have had these special people in my life. Still, I confess having that "absence makes the heart grow fonder thing" - drat! I hope I don't have to live the rest of my life wishing for my special companion that journeys WITH me, though...