Legzlover,
I think it takes a lot of courage to ask for people's thoughts and advice.
I discover that in this situation most people will give advice according
to their own experiences and expectations. The question is ripe for people
to impose their own reading into it. 50 different people will call you 50
different names, and not ONE of them has anything to do with you.
The person who sees your anger ... has anger on their mind.
The person who sees your disrespect ... has been thinking about disrespect lately.
The person who sees your intelligence and love ... has been thinking deeply about true love, and seeing it around them.
<b>Nobody's eyes are as big as the truth,</b>
but their mouths are twice as big.
Nobody can see what's really happening, how it is for you, except you and your wife, . . . so enjoy the journey!
As your desires come and go, what qualities are in them?
Is your life safe and you look for danger?
Is your relationship weak and you crave strength?
Do you love your wife so very much that you want her the opportunity
to be sexually active and satisfied to the utmost?
Do you feel disconnected and look for proof of real connection?
Are we drowning in so many modern things these days, that a lark with
old-fashioned dress and customs are a relief and turn-on?
Every fantasy has elements to it. They have NOTHING to do with the
physical objects and situations in them. It's how we FEEL about
those objects and situations that tells the real story.
It's how YOU feel in the fantasy, nothing to do with anybody else's arrogant judgement of you.
Only you can say what it is. The more you explore your own desires and fantasies,
the more you'll learn about HOW you are, the qualities that exist in your life.
What qualities are scarce, in great need of, or crushed by, too much of.
Every fantasy is a great opportunity to explore your own state, and learn what qualities
seem to be driving your desire. Does the color matter? Or the texture? The pace or speed?
The gentleness or savageness? The closeness? The "possession" of something?
The look in someone's eye? The giving of something to the other?
The illicit or illegal breaking of rules? Craving certain reactions or results?
At the peak moment of your fantasy, what if everyone stood up, bored and disinterested,
and just wandered away to get a sandwich?
What quality would be "spoiled" or missed, that you were craving?
The more you can notice about your own fetish and fantasy,
the more you'll be able to:
1) enjoy the journey
2) learn about yourself
3) share your own self, your state of being with your wife
4) ask, listen to, and hear your wife, and how she is.
What a great place to learn about each other!
Very intimate and personally revealing things, but realize that both of
you are constantly changing. Next year you will have different desires
than this year, or last year. Their qualities gradually change.
A fantasy can be indulged in your mind, to great detail, with very little repercussions.
A conversation with your wife, asking about, learning, and sharing how
we are - can always be chalked up as an interesting phase. Doesn't cost anything.
Physical situations may let you learn very quickly and vividly about your
needs, bringing your fantasies to life and living through them,
but there ARE real-life complications that can last into next year,
and the year after that.
As the qualities of your passion, desire, and relationship change,
next year and the year after,
a physical memory is very hard to move beyond.
I think a conversation or a "story-telling fantasy" could be a nice edu-tainment between the two of you.
The imagination is a powerful thing, and sometimes can be used INSTEAD of doing something risky.
Imagine walking into a bar. Imagine a certain encounter. Imagine this person doing that.
Talk it through, share it, get into it, explore it, talk dirty and leave it as really vivid talk.
You can still experience most of the same effects as if your body actually did those things.
The imagination makes the brain produce all the same chemicals as the real thing.
But to have someone's actual hands on her actual body, you can never undo that.
Like getting a tattoo on your soul, it's done.
Or losing her virginity to somebody else. It's gone.
Everything is different. No amount of words can change what actually happened.
Is it a game? Were you just playing? Or was it real? Did it mean something and
change something? It's permanent, . . . so what was it?
You and your wife have to be REALLY balanced to stand up in THAT boat.
Sorry for the long windedness, but
have a most fulfilling journey, whichever way it goes.
Legzlover wrote:That said, should she decide she's ok with it (with no guilt trip from me) then I guess what two "consenting" adults do behind closed doors is their own business.
Yes, true....but don't forget that closed doors must eventually open and light tends to open the eyes. Don't do something you will regret in the morning.
Good luck.
stuh505 wrote:Bi-Polar Bear wrote:you're overthinking it. If it feels good either do it or masturbate while you think about doing it, drop the guilt and go on with your life.
But if you follow this mantra, you will find yourself needing more and more exotic stimulation to feel pleasure until eventually it is out of your grasp entirely.
heh heh.... he said grasp...
I have exactly the same thoughts.
Re: Happily married husband with weird fantasies.
Legzlover wrote:Don't know what's been going on with me the last couple of years, but I'm becoming addicted to women in nylon stockings and high heels. I'm talking about the old fashion type nylon stocking that needs to be worn with garter belt etc. I'm a 52 year old happily married man and I've always been what people would say normal and happy go lucky type of guy. I've been married 26 years to my wife who is still beautiful and thankfully will wear the stockings and heels to add a little spice to our sex life. She knows this turns me on tremendously. So everything is ok you say.....right ? Not at all, because now, I'm asking her to wear them every time we go out which isn't so bad in itself, but I also ask her to "accidentally" flash her stocking tops to strange men when we go to piano bars or whatever. I know this is weird, but why do I get a charge out of putting my wife on display like that ?? I have even fantasized of seeing her make love to other men with me there to help or watch. With her permission, I have even posted some sexy pics of her to strangers on sex forums (not showing her face though) She allowed me to post the pics, but I know she really doesn't approve of it much. I think she hopes it will will satisfy my fantasy and I will put it to rest eventually. If anything, it has gotten me even more set on the idea of sharing her because many men have written me and told me their desires for her. To me, this is not normal behavior for a man who is "stable" or at least I think I am, plus I love my wife to death and I would be just devastated if she were to leave me for another man. I've searched the net and found a word for this type of behavior and it's apparently called "Cuckold" which means for a husband to be submissive and watch his wife make love to another man while they both humiliate the husband. The only difference is, I don't want to be humiliated by nobody. I just feel it would be extremely erotic to share my wife with another man while she is wearing sexy lingerie like the stockings and heels etc. Are there any other men out there who know or experience this form of lifestyle or am I alone in this.
I even went to a shrink to see if I was normal, and she tells me it's just fantasy and leave it at that. My wife is understanding, and says she's ok with the nylon stocking request, but would have a hard time doing the Cuckold thing for me. The best she has offered so far is to allow another man to "watch" her and I make love in the same room (but I haven't done anything to set that up yet) as I want to make sure I won't be hurting my marriage if I were to set it up with someone. Then again, how does one go about setting something like that up ?
Anyway, I just thought I'd spew my guts out here, seeing it's not the type of thing I would ever want to ask someone in person.
I'd be really interested in reading what some of you have to say. I'm sure I'll get some feedback about being a sick S.O.B but that's par for the course I guess. Thanks for taking the time.
Hey - Don't stress. This is a perfectly normal 'fantasy' of many men.
It's a well known fact that men get aroused by visual pornography so why wouldn't the ultimate 'pornography' involve watching the woman you love having sex?
A rhetorical question - you don't have to answer on here if you don't want to. Is the man you picture having sex with your wife particularly well-endowed ie have a penis that is larger than yours?
Again not uncommon. As we get older we sub-consciously start to doubt our ability to satisfy our partner and as men place over-emphasis on penis size in relation to sexual satisfaction. So, in your mind a penis larger than yours will 'satisfy' your wife more.
The more your wife is 'satisfied', as the thinking goes, the more demonstrative she'll be ie moaning, groaning, thrashing around etc - do you see the comparison to porno movies yet?
Whether you take it any further and actually include another man/men in your love-making is up to you.
What I would say though is, a fantasy is only a fantasy until it becomes a reality.
Use, and encourage your wife to use, your verbal and imaginative skills to act out these 'fantasies' together. Talk to her like another man and get her to reply to you as though you were someone else. Nothing wrong with going out together first with your wife 'dressed to kill' (provided she feels comfortable of course) and doing a little 'flashing' to set the mood for later.
Remember - the most powerful aphrodisiac is situated between your ears not between your legs
HTH
I personally don't see anything wrong with it at long as she doesn't I think what I like about it the most that it involves your wife and not other women and you aren't trying to hide things from her.
I think there are a few sickos out there that should spend a little less time with themselves in their hand, no doubt viewing porn, and learn to enjoy their partners. Fantasy? Normal. Posting pics of your wife for other jerks to jerk to? NOT Normal. Wanting other men to find your wife sexy? Normal. Wanting other men to find your wife naked? NOT normal.
It sounds like you have a wonderfully understanding wife. If you truly appreciate her; you should recognize you're on the verge of taking advantage of her to the point of making her a whore. I think sicko is plenty fair enough. If you're really as decent as it sounds like you may very well be: thank her for indulging you thus far, apologize for trying to push the envelope and show her that you know she's wonderful for putting up with this nonsense long enough for you to work your way OVER it.
