My husband watches porn instead of sleeping with me

maybe he's just buying it as an investment. have they been opened?

He's definetly watching them, they are all open and the only way I know he's watching them is because occasionally I'll find them left in the DVD player.

Hmmm men and porn. What can be said about that? All I can say is that's why porn is made (for men). Porn is fantasy and nothing more. Im sure that he still finds you sexy and desirable, its just another avenue of sexuality that is sometimes over used. The more taboo it is to a man and his partner, the more he wants it. Have you talked about masturbation with him? Not just his but yours too? If you make it less taboo you may see a change in the way he thinks of it. Maybe suggest watching one together and making love afterwards? Masturbating together?
It depends on your view of pornography. Porn is sex with bad acting and cheesy music. Take it for what it is.

If he's choosing it over you, which is sounds like he is, you need to confront him with a choice: it or you.

Does he want a real woman or a fantasy?

Tell him you don't mind the porn but that when it starts to become more important than sleeping with his wife, it becomes a problem for you.

If he refuses to cut back or at the very least, pay as much or more attention to you as he does the porn, you have either the option of counseling or of leaving him.

Most men will choose real sex over Porn. Even though I believe that fantasy and porn are harmless, if he is truly choosing masturbation over sex with his wife there may be a need for intervention on your part.

Try watching it with him. It may increase his sexual appetite.

I have tried offering to watch it with him, or I'll switch on the cheesy soft porn stuff on cable when were watching TV late at night, but he wont watch it. I try to let him know I have no problem with it, I just wish he would make me more a part of it, or at the very least not let it affect our sex life.

I do feel like its time to make him choose. I just feel bad to make him give up something that I dont really have a problem with in the first place! But a wife shouldn't have to play second nods to porn right?

Judging from what you've said so far, he probably feels that it's a dirty or sinful or perverted thing and that it's WRONG. Was he raised catholic? Of course, it's hard to figure out exactly what's going on when he won't even talk about it with you. I'd be willing to bet he has some kind of guilt about it that involves a religious upbringing. Just a hunch.

How much sex was there before the marriage? Did you live together or separately?

Kickycan, I think you might have something there. He was raised Catholic. VERY CATHOLIC.

As for living together, we only moved in together after marriage.

Have you tried acting like a porn star in bed with him? You know, lots of vocalizing and urging him on to give it to you? While I think he is an idiot for choosing porn over the real thing, it could be that he has gotten a bit bored of the same routine in bed. If he has always watched a little porn, he may have fallen into the trap of believing that what he has always watched is how it is all the time for every guy but him, so his fantasy is not matching the reality. So give him a bit of porn reality and see what happens.

liste to John Wayne Gacy here... he might be on to something...

I was going to offer to film a porn scene or two with her to show her husband the next time he wanted to watch porn. I figure that seeing a clown having sex with his wife just might cure him forever of his porn addiction. But alas, my wife wouldn't agree to that solution for her, so I went with my second thought.

Ahh yes the old catholic guilt trip. I know it well. I attended catholic school from grade 8 to 12. The Christian brothers used to tell us that if we got too many erections we would loose the ability to urinate. I can laugh about it know but it used to scare the hell out of me.

I have been lucky enough in the past to have had clown sex with two different women in full clown makeup. Good times.

Clown shoes... clown cars... clown vajayjays.

My brain needs a good scrubbing.

Maybe it's a good thing I went with idea number 2 then. Otherwise, he may have taken to searching the internet for clown sex videos. That may have worsened the problem. Whew, glad my wife stopped me from making that suggestion.

Porn addiction
Please look up the term "Porn Creep" in Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porn_creep

I heard this term on CSI one night and looked it up. It describes my husband of 25 years to a "tee." I knew he liked porn before the marriage, but we had an exciting sex life at first, so I didn't think much of the magazines and movies. I joined him in whatever he wanted me to do and I envisioned a hot sex life with my spouse. BUT, I didn't know then what I know now about the subject, or I would have run in the other direction.
Just weeks into our marriage, I began seeing signs that he was addicted to porn and masturbation. At first I blamed myself, thinking I must be inadequate as a lover. Then I learned it wasn't because of me at all; that he had had the same "problem" with women before me. I was confused, but stayed with him thinking things would get better. He promised they would. There was never an issue of another woman -- but I felt cheated on. I felt that our marriage was a fraud.

I went through years of hurt and did finally get counseling by myself (he wouldn't go) to figure it all out.
We are now in our fifties approaching retirement age, and we have not had sex in many years. We never had children together. Though we discussed divorce many times, for personal reasons too numerous to mention, I stayed in the marriage.
Today, my husband and I are best friends. He's extremely intelligent and a good provider. We have a beautiful home and enjoy each other's company a great deal.
My solution? May not be the best one, and I do not recommend this for others, but I have had a lover for years. It happened "by accident," but it has saved my marriage. I feel it's morally wrong, but he makes me feel like a woman, and I am still in the affair. We're both mature about it.
I've seen lots of messages on this site from women whose significant others are into porn and they're concerned and/or don't understand it. Some people write back with well-meaning suggestions.
The bottom line is, YOU will not change the addict, and there is a very good chance the "real thing" will become less and less appealing to him. That is what "Porn Creep" is all about.
If I had it to do over again, I never would have gotten into this marriage. I let too many years go by now, but I should have opted for divorce or annulment in the very beginning.

My husband is addicted to porn!
Two years ago I found out my husband is addicted to porn. I thought he had stopped, but I caught him at it again. I'm not so sure now he ever did. When I caught him the first time he had asked me to get into his new e-mail and put all our friends addresses in his address book and there was e-mails from women and e-mails he had sent to women. He said things to them that he says to me and would tell them what he wanted to do to them. It made me sick. After 18 years I thought I knew him. He was listed on porn/singles sights looking for women or couples in our area. Come to find out his big fantasy was to see me with another man, but he thought I would be more comfortable being with a woman first. He didn't tell me this I found it out by his acct. info on these sights. He denied everything he said someone must have hacked into his e-mail acct. How dumb does he think I am? I worked nights at the time and blamed myself I thought he must be lonely after all he is a man so, I quite my job. It took about 6 months to work through all that, but he's at it again. He has three e-mail addresses and is looking for women between the ages of 28-48 within 50 mile of our town. He has got clever over the past two years every time he gets off the internet he runs AVG and he has done something so, these sights can't send out his password. These sights confirm his e-mail address, but he must have a button he pushes to turn something off and on so, he can only get things when he's signed in. I don't know if he has acctually met any of these women or had sex with them, but at this rate it's just a matter of time. What should I do and are there people or places that can help get over these addictions?