husband problems

That all makes a lot of sense.

I have seen so many relationships like that, where the people meet young and settle down young and then have their "wait a minute I never got to do the whole crazy party scene" moment and go crazy. Sometimes it's the man, sometimes it's the woman, settling down very young is the common denominator.

Hope that he's OK with the idea of counseling. It does sound like there are things you guys need to figure out.

Well, my husband actually came home last night. I was afraid that he would'nt because it was saturday night and the last couple weekends he did'nt come home and would go straight to work in the morning.(one day each weekend). I didn't get a chance to talk about going to counceling. I brought up the picture I saw on his phone and he got mad at me. As if I'm the one who did anything wrong there. That's really bothering me because I really think that he let her put his dick in her mouth that night. Even though he made up some story about her boyfrend's dick and sending it in a picture message to his phone. I looked on the phone bill and it showed only 2 other picture messages sent and both were mine sent to him. So obviously he took the picture of her swallowing his dick, saved it, and then came home and went to sleep next to me which is totally sickening. He had told me that he was only going to work out at his gym but I knew he was gone too long. I also found a receipt in his pocket for hard liquor that he bought at the grocery store and he made up a story about going to a bar with people from work. (this was on friday night.) So he must have picked her up from work, bought the liquor with her and then gone somewhere like her house and got drunk and let her suck. I even saw a note in his pocket on thursday that said, " I want to suck your dick later." He said that was a joke also. All this is making me totally sick as I write this. I think I should confront this woman and tell he what a dirty piece of **** I think she is but my husband will probably take her side. I sent her a text message one day when I thought my husband was out with her and it caused lots of problems. My husband is the only source of income and if he kicks me out I'll have nowhere to go with my son except my mom's house and I don't want to. My mom thinks we are not having any problems. I have no idea if my husband actually likes this woman or is afraid to say anything? When he is at work he puts on this act like he has be "cool" because he works out all the time and has really big muscles. I tell him that he doesn't have the balls to tell this woman to back off. It's mostly her calling/texting him and he responds. I think he feels obligated to her because they work together. I hope he is feeling guilty about all this because he knows that if he cheats it's hurting our son also. He is also hurting his siblings because they used to be so close. They are complaining about him all the time now. I don't think any of this is my fault because i haven't changed. This woman and my husband both owe me an apology.I am going to have to confront this woman. What's the worst that could happen? I don't think that he would leave me and go with her because despite all this, I think that he loves our son too much. I don't know if he has true feelings for this woman or is trying to impress her or something. She is really immature, she just wants to go out and get drunk/party all the time. My husband never used to be like that. I am willing to work things out with my husband but he has to show me he's sorry and acknowledge that it's hurting our family. I look at all this stuff he's doing and I know it's not the real him.

Silverstarphat--

Whatever happens your husband is responsible for supporting his child and considering you have not worked since the marriage, a judge would probably award you some support until you're back on your feet.

Which is worse: Letting your mother know there are problems with your marriage or suffering quietly while your husband breaks your heart and exposes you to STD's?

Silverstarphat,
Your storey sound very similar to what I went through 3 1/2 years ago. I can say this, if you decide to confront her do not show her how truely scared and angry you are. If you come across as being irrational your husband will use this against you. I honestly see nothing wrong with introducing yourself to your husbands co-workers and maybe letting her know that her friendship with your husband is hurting you and that you want to keep your marriage together for your son's sake.
I know that this is all so unsettling but it sounds like they have definitely crossed a line. You don't deserve to be in this situation. If you decide to leave him, which I think you should, he will have responsibility to you and your son financially. Don't let that be a factor in deciding what to do.
Do you have any friends that have gone through a divorce in your state? If so ask them what your states laws are for spousal maintenance. My state is a no fault state, meaning that it doesn't matter that he was having an affair, all that matters is that the marriage is over. In my state only one party has to agree to a divorce.
I ended up with child support that is adequete but my spousal maintence is only for 2 1/2 years. This may sound good to most but I was married for 16 years and supported him for the first 5 years.
Again I want to say how sorry I am that you are going through this.

Hi there silverstarphat.

Looks like you need to sort this out with your husband - not someone else. As much as the woman is involved - she is not married to you - has no obligation to you.

Your husband is part of a family - and as young as both of you are - this is where his responsibility is.

He needs to grow up - and you need to help him with that.

Forget about his friend (in terms of who you're going to talk to) - your husband is the one you need to talk to.

~~~~~

You may have to talk to your family about this - doesn't really matter, to some degree, whether you want to or not. If they're your only back-up, they need some degree of preparation. Even if it's just a "hey, things aren't going great, but I'm trying to deal with it".

I agree with ehbeth, you need to confront your husband and not the
other woman. She is not part of your family and she has no commitments
towards you or anyone else in your family.

Frankly, I think you're in utter denial. You just don't want to realize that
it is your husband who is having an affair; that it is your husband who
hurts you; that it is your husband who spends weekends away from his
family.



Well, it looks very real to me. He's not home, he's unfaithful, and he's
hurting you and your marriage. What's not real here? Right! Your
perception of this.

Not trying to pile on here, but if you are in a situation that has you searching his pockets, checking his phone, and looking for evidence then you already know what you need to do. The only control you have in this situation is what you do and the actions you take to make the best of a bad situation.

The other woman doesn't owe you anything. She isn't the problem. Your husband is fooling around with another woman and is lying about it. How are you going to cope? What steps can you take to ensure that you and your son can get on with your lives? It might mean deciding you'd rather live this way than not, or it might mean deciding to talk to your parents, but the situation you are in right now is unhealthy.

You said:

I have no idea if my husband actually likes this woman or is afraid to say anything? When he is at work he puts on this act like he has be "cool" because he works out all the time and has really big muscles. I tell him that he doesn't have the balls to tell this woman to back off. It's mostly her calling/texting him and he responds. I think he feels obligated to her because they work together... This woman and my husband both owe me an apology.

Several things come to mind:

1. Why would your husband be afraid to say anything to her?

2. Why would he be obligated (and to do what, exactly?) because they work together?

3. Why would you think he doesn't have the balls to tell her to back off?

4. Why do you think it's mostly her and he's only responding?

Questions:

If you think it's his penis in her mouth, did he put it there because he's afraid?

Did he put it there because he feels obligated?

Did he put it there because he doesn't have the balls to say no?

Did he put it there because he's only responding?

_______

Honey, you need to wake up and give your head a shake. If you think he's doing this for the reasons you mentioned, you are indeed deluding yourself. He's doing this because he WANTS to.

Why would you want an apology from either or both of them? How is that going to help? How would you know they meant it, for one thing? Are you hurt by this behaviour? I'm not getting that.

I really don't understand you or your motivation here, other than he shouldn't be doing this because he's married and a father... in which case I really don't understand you.

I am sorry people have to go through things like this, but I feel it's an opportunity for a close look at things and a chance for growth. Rather than demanding an apology, why not look at it a different way? Use it as a chance to re-evaluate your relationship, perhaps. Or become independent. Or review your purpose here, or why you married this yahoo. Maybe it's a chance for you to get closer to your mother. Who knows...

Good luck with whatever you do.

silverstarphat,
You are going through alot right now. I know some of what is said here may sound harsh or it may not be what you want to hear. Facing the reality of your situation is hard. Keep talking here. Everyone here is giving you good advice. You need to take a deep breath and a long clear look at what is going on. Don't make excuses. Think of yourself and your child. Let us know how you are....

am i stupid
HI,
My husband spends all his time with me. We work together in the same buidling, go together to work and go back together from work. he does not go out in the evening, neither do I. So it is basicaly 24 hours a day. However, I am jealous. He has intensified frendship with his working colleague, who told him she was in love with him, but he refused her. Still, as I said, he intenfisied friendship with her, as she has some private problems. He sends her text messages every day (although they see each other at work every day) and even a good night message. these messages were much more frequent for some time until I went crazy. Now it is only a good night message and one message after we come home from work. Is it stupid from my side to be jealous?

Nope...he wants you to bake his cake so he can eat it with her.

Get out. Any man who doesn't respect you enough to stop this kind of behavior doesn't love you.

to be honest , he's committing adultery in your marriage. when a man starts "smelling himself", there's very little you can do. the reason i say that is because i'm sure you don't want to resort to using his tactics. just stay prayerful because his good time won't last for long. and if he can't stop eating meat, then he shouldn't be working at the meat market.

Why not answer these questions?

It is obvious that he is cheating. It seems he has you totally fooled and is taking advantage of your trust. Men cannot just be friends with women. 99% of the time there is always a more than "just friends" relationship. Don't be naive. Believe me I learned the hard way. I used to have total trust in someone who ended up betraying me. Lie to my face etc.... I found out six months later of the affair. Very difficult to deal with. I would not wish it on anyone. I was also naive then. I am a much smarter and stronger person today though. Respect yourself and demand respect from your husband. Please take into consideration of all the good advice from the people who have replied to your concern.

How You Can Deal With This Difficult Situation
It is very likely that your husband is having an affair. Even if he isn't, he is causing you terrible pain. Which amounts to about the same thing.

Right now you could use some help...a trusted friend, your pastor or minister, possibly a therapist. Someone who is on your side, and can help you gather the strength you need to either restore your relationship or move on. Either way, it will take tremendous resolution on your part.

I think that you can save your relationship. Let me know if you would like more information.

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