Reply
Sat 24 Feb, 2007 09:28 am
I just had to get this off my chest. For the last 2 months my husband has been acting really different. He got a new job at a gym and has been working very long hours. Lately this woman he works with has been obsessively flirting with him. She started calling him about a month ago,now they are at the point where they're calling and texting each other about 7-10 times a day. She sends him notes that say stuff like," I love you" and every time I see it on his phone we fight about it. I look at his phone every time he goes to bed and when I confront him about it, he says she's just kidding and they joke about sexual stuff all day at work. But I'm getting to the point where I don't believe him.
I still love him and want to be with him. I miss him all the time. We have a beautiful son together. But for the past couple weeks, after work at night he has been going out and staying out all night with people from work. I ask him where did he sleep and he says "by this guy's house." It kills me when I see all these texts that this woman sends him. We fight about it all the time. Last night was the worst. I looked at his pictures saved on his phone, and I saw this woman with a penis in her mouth. I said "what the hell is this?'' And he said it was her boyfriend's penis in her mouth and she sent it to him as a joke. But I don't totally believe him. He goes out drinking a lot and he never used to before he started working at this job. He used to be a family man and stay at home with me. But now all he cares about is who's calling him on his cell phone. He is never home and I worry about what's going on when he's out. When he gets home all he wants to do is sleep. I feel very disrespected and scared all the time. What should I do to change my husband? He was not like this before. Thanks for listening everyone.
You can't do anything to change your husband, but you can (and should) call an attorney.
Good luck!
Nude explicit sex photos can only mean that she is willing or has already.
Truly I am sorry. I think the only thing you can do is tell your husband that you love him and need/would like his support in your life then tell him to decide what he wants. But make him choose, give him a deadline, a week should be enough. Give him an ultimatum, go with her or stay with you.
The curiouse thing is, if you say "You cant have this woman" it will only make him want her more. he has to decide.
Another alternative is suggest a 3 some to this woman. Not joking here.
I agree with JPB. Protect yourself, and your child. Call an attorney.
I really don't want to leave him and he says he doesn't want to leave me. The thing is, I have never met this woman or seen her except for pictures of her. He really does have to work with her every day because they are assigned to train people together. He does support me finiancially and our son and has for the past 5 years of our marriage. I think he thinks that I am deceitful for looking at his phone all the time, but when he gets home from work, it feels tense between us, and he just wants to sleep and not talk to me. I don't think he would go out of his way to deliberately have an affair with me but this girl does call him all the time (she started calling him) and I think she is obsessed with him. I told him that and he says " I know." I think he likes the attention. He thinks its not causing any problems and they are joking around all the the time, but it is really bothering me. He also thinks that if he tells her to back off, it will cause problems at work.
OK, My husband started acting wierd about 14 years into our marriage and was talking to a woman from work all the time. He said they were just friends. He left me 3 years ago and is still with her. The kids have met her.
Even though you truely love him, don't let that blind you to the truth of the matter. This behavior is not the behavior of a faithful, loyal husband. If you want to keep this marriage, the only thing you can do is suggest counseling and in a hurry before it is too late. If he is emotionally detached from you and your marriage there is unfortunately nothing you can do to change him. It takes two to make a marriage work, you can't do it alone.
Even if he is just friends with her he is still being unfaithful to you!
PS, the picture on the cell phone is a pretty good indication that they have a sexual relationship going.
What are sexual harrasment laws for.
get records download/save messages and go to your husbands boss. dont make a song and dance just show his boss the material.
Oh and one more things...I am so sorry that you are going through this. You have support here. I know from experience that this is very difficult to go through and more so to go through without support. I found this forum after my divorce went through and have no family in my state. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to and its OK.
I hope your husband wakes up and realizes what he is about to lose by behaving this way. Good luck!
Sorry DP but I'm really NOT getting the harassment angle here - unless of course that was HIS boyfriend's penis she was swallowing.
I don't believe him on this..
quoting, "But for the past couple weeks, after work at night he has been going out and staying out all night with people from work. I ask him where did he sleep and he says "by this guy's house."
I do agree that you should speak with an attorney. Whether you do go for a separation and divorce or not, you need to know your rights and possible legal procedure.
silverstarphat wrote:I really don't want to leave him and he says he doesn't want to leave me. The thing is, I have never met this woman or seen her except for pictures of her. He really does have to work with her every day because ..blah blah blah.
You don't have to leave him. He has already left you. There is no "The thing is...", those are just rationalizations you are trying to use to convince yourself what is right in front of you isn't real.
I'm so sorry. I know you are hurting and probably scared. You need to take action on behalf of yourself and your son whether that be through marriage counseling or an attorney.
Just remember, it isn't you. It's him.
I'm usually a big advocate for "don't be so suspicious, men and women can just be friends," but there are all kinds of red flags here. At the very least I think he is acting inappropriately and that you have a legitimate complaint, and that he should be taking that seriously.
Silverstarphat--
A man who is staying out all night without an address where he can be reached is not acting like a married man. He's acting like someone who wants a bimbo on the side and a demure and silent wife who will do his laundry and raise the kids.
Your marriage is far from ideal. He's not only insulting your heart by lying to you, he's insulting your mind by telling you stupid lies.
Making an appointment with a lawyer doesn't mean automatic divorce. It announces to your wandering boy-o that you don't intend to be treated like a second-string floozie.
Good luck.
Hi everybody, thanks for the advice and support. I really do think we need to go for marriage counceling. The very strange thing about all this is that we have never, in 5 years of marriage, had a problem with cheating. I never cheated on him and he has never cheated on me until now. We have always been a close family and he would always tell me that he didn't like to drink or go out. This thing with this girl at his work came out of nowhere. Right after I got us cell phones for christmas, ever since then he has been different. I wonder if maybe he is going through a midlife crisis? His brothers and sister, whom he has always been very close with, are telling me that he never talks to them anymore and ignores them at the gym. Before he worked at this new job he would go to the gym every night with them. So I think he is treating everyone differently, not just me. I tell him he never looks loving at our son like he used to. I wonder if he is suffering from depression?He works very long hours and he's always worried about making enough money. All these problems with this girl have been only going on since christmas time,/ early january so maybe there's still hope for us? By the way my husband is 28, I'm 25 and our son is 4.
How long were you together before marriage?
If we assume even just one year, he was only 22 when you got married. That's quite young, and I can imagine that being part of it (feeling like he never really got to sow his wild oats or whatever).
Have you brought up counseling with him? What does he think, if so?
(not when you got married, when you got together -- 23 when you got married, which is itself quite young...)
That makes sense to me, sozobe.
We first started dating when I was 17 and he was 20. I admit I got pregnant when I was 19 and we got married and I had the baby when I was 20. I swear that I would have married him even if I didn't suddenly (accidentally) get pregnant. I swear that he's the only man that ever made me feel complete. When we were dating we were together every day. I knew he felt the same about me because he would pick me up every day and we would spend the night together. When we married I always thought we had a loving relationship. We weren't perfect (we would fight about money) but for 5 years I have been happy being married to him and having our son and I never thought he would be unfaithful to me.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace