He wants to marry me.

I think it is definitely possible that this could work out, especially since you seem to believe it is god's perfect and untainted will that brought you together. If you both keep these ridiculous religious beliefs that you have, you should be able to stick with each other through anything, no matter how miserable it makes you.

blessings- I am a big believer in long courtships, and short engagements, not the other way around. If you become engaged immediately, you have "started the ball rolling", and if the relationship is not right, especially with the pressure from your folks, it will be difficult extricating yourself out of it.

Hey, you have the rest of your life to be with this man, IF it is right. What's the rush?

As usual, Phoenix is fountain of wisdom. Consider it seriously, blessings.

Either a long engagement or a long pre-engagement relationship. Either way, but getting married all in less than a year is nuts, particularly with children involved.

My parents dated for I think two years before they were engaged for a year and then wed. They celebrated their 51st anniversary last December. My husband and I dated for a year and then were engaged for 2 1/2 years before we were wed. Our 15th anniversary is in a few months. My sister-in-law and her husband dated for a year and were engaged for 4 before they wed (they are married almost 13 years). My brother and his wife dated about a year and were engaged for 6 months. They will be married 13 years in a coupla weeks.

The times vary but the common thread is that everyone spent at least 1 1/2 years before actually saying "I do."

Getting out of a dating relationship is easy, you just say good-bye. Getting out of an engagement is easy, you just give the ring back, return any engagement or early wedding gifts and say good-bye. But getting out of a marriage means divorce lawyers and hearings. It means a chunk of money goes to the process of ending the marriage. It means the kids get much more of a trauma. It's just not as simple.

Oh, and another thing: what does the father of your son think about this? Will you getting married mean that he doesn't have to pay as much or any support?

Even God's will -- if that's what you really and truly think this is -- does not have to be done right away, right now, immediately, chop chop. The fact that you are asking about this means that you are just a tiny bit concerned or maybe even a little scared. This is your inner voice talking and you should listen at least a little bit. At least to wait. I mean, honestly, you would not be the first couple who waited a bit or did the long distance thing. You will not be the last.

Oh, and one more thing -- do you have a clue about this guy's finances?

6-9 months is Rushing!


Here are my thoughts:

It seems so far that you're finding advice here that you might not want to hear. I just hope that you're open to what's being written here because of the impact on you, your respective children and your families. Know that we care and we're not here to try to rain on your parade! None of what is written here are judgements. This is meant to be heart-felt advice to offer you the benefit of many decades of life experience.

Just because you both are tired of searching for someone special doesn't mean that you should proceed so quickly to marriage. Take the time to know one another. What's wrong with one full year? Aren't either of your parents warning you about this? Don't let the impetuousity and intensity of your youth make that fiery rush into marriage. time won't dull this IF IT'S REAL.

I'm not telling tales out of school when I say that a single mom with a young child is at a distinct disadvantage. It's got to be tough too for a single Dad.

Yes...6-9 months is Rushing.

A full year is what I would recommend, minimally. One or both of you might be affected negatively by the past broken relationships. The issues around why you both are presently single parents is nothing that is insignificant or unsurmountable but that is VERY important to discuss and work on. This takes awhile for this all to surface and be dealt with openly!


Oh..yes and you wrote: "He is being stationed in another place". So, he's in the military? This means you both could be moving around...maybe a lot..and disrupt the children's educations and social lives. Perhaps you all could even be separated if he goes to fight in a war zone. Children's education and stability/continuity could be affected if relocation happens during school year. There's some complicated and tough issues to deal with here that haven't been explored.

Over a longer period of time you get to see how the other person handles their life - things such as handling life's adversity. Anyone should be able to act well-adjusted and pleasant during the good times, but how you both handle the tougher times..and how both of you are able to console one another during the disappointments - there's the test!

Good luck..if you are still listening

Blessings--

You are willing to bet your life--or several months/years of your life that this guy is the man you've been waiting for.

Are you willing to bet your son's life? Remember, a year for a twelve year old who is growing and changing and becoming an adult is much more important than a year in the life of a thrity-three year old woman.

For the last ten years you've been a single parent with local family support. I imagine at the very least there has always been someone to babysit and there has always been a shoulder to cry on.

If your fiance is in the armed forces--whether or not he's being transferred to a war zone--you may very well have ten (or more) very stressful years ahead of you both.

You want to be a One Marriage Woman--good, if you make sure that the one marriage is based on a rock.