He wants to marry me.

blessings- Welcome to A2K!

Whoa! You met him on December 31st. It is now February 23rd. He may just well be the guy of your dreams....................but you don't know that yet.

It takes a lot longer than less than two months to get to really know another person. I think that the fact that you are a single mother is probably one of the reasons that your folks are so pleased that this man wants to marry you. They probably perceive that marriage will confer more stability in your life.

IMO you need to go a lot more slowly. You need to get to know someone over a decent period time, and to learn how he reacts in different situations. I think that knowing someone for a year is a good test of how you will be together.

What do you know about his previous relationship, one that produced his son? What do you know about his past, his background? How much do you really know about his friends, his lifestyle, his interests and attitudes? Are his values and way of doing things compatible to you? I would bet that you are so involved in being in love that you have not had the opportunity to consider all the things that go into a marriage. See what I mean?

Getting married is easy. Staying happily married is quite another thing.

He is from the same town as I am and I have met his family and friends. He is God fearing and is so concerned about me and my son. I believe that this is just what I prayed for and I am going to take advantage of what I have been blessed with. I believe I will be engaged for about 6-9 months and then if things are still the same; I am going to do what God tells me to do.

I agree with Phoenix that you can't know a person so quickly- and marriage is big commitment, especially since he seems to want you to come with him to a new location. Maybe you should contact his ex-wife, in a nice way, and ask her why she thinks the marriage didn't work out.

Many people think God is pulling all the strings in our life, but I think like any good parent, he wants his children to make their own mistakes and claim their own successes in order to grow. If God was controlling everything we would be a happy, perfect, world full of joy and love - I think there are other factors that have to be considered.

What's the rush, blessings?

There's no rush. Like I said, I would be engaged for 6-9 more months before we get married.

Hello, blessings. Welcome to A2K.

I don't see a question in your posts. What type of feedback are you looking for?

This is God. You're moving too fast. Slooooow dooooooown. And stop making fun of people because they have brown skin.

I just want to know if it is possible to meet someone and quickly learn that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I feel this way. I have been searching for a long time for someone like this person and I just feel that this is right. I'm not saying that I am going to go out and get married tomorrow. There will be some careful consideration before I leap into marriage. We will have to withstand some test of time before it really happens. Maybe we are just 2 mature individuals who know what we want. I have never been married and I just want to be married 1 time and let that be it.

Sure it's possible. Anything is possible. You both have one child -- how old are your children? For that matter, how old are the two of you?

My son is 12 and his son is 4. We are both 33 years old, educated, with average incomes (50000 each). Two people who are tired of searching for someone who wants something out of life and finally found each other.

So, if you marry and go live with your new husband, will you be pulling your son out of school? What are his feelings on your new relationship?

I'm interested in ages, too. Especially of the kids.

That's the main variable, for me. If it was just you two, fine, see how things go, get serious, break up down the road if you need to. I do think that this kind of thing can be "known" early -- my now-husband and I knew within a few weeks (but didn't actually get married for another 4 years).

But getting engaged is a very serious step in your kids' eyes, unless they're really little (and there are other problems then). I think you'd want to be CERTAIN before putting them through that wringer. You're kind of limiting your options by jumping in so quickly, I think.

And, this is all tone so I won't swear by it, but I get a heavy whiff of wishful thinking from your post. The kind that, 2 years later, you talk about how you don't even really know your husband, that he was so nice at the beginning and now he's expecting you to do everything around the house (or plays video games all day, or is out with his pals, or watches porn and ignores you, or...)

Not saying that this will happen, but that that kind of attitude at this stage concerns me. I really don't think there's any way to KNOW (not just have a gut feeling which may or may not later be justified) that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone so quickly.

Oh, took too long to type.

OK, at 12 and 4, (especially 12), they know what "engagement" means as opposed to just dating. Give it more time.

I will wait until school starts in the fall before I take my son. We will go and visit until then. My boyfriend was really concerned about moving my son and what he and my mother thought about us getting married. Most people who are out for no good would not be concerned with something like that. This is how I know that this person is something special. He keeps asking me if I am sure this will be ok with my family. He doesn't want to jeopardize my relationship with anyone. My son is ok with starting the next school year in another place.

Actually, yes they would.

Lets just say I knew a child molestor who took the time to get to know each and every one of my family members , playing the " im concerned for your safety" card the whole time. Also wanted me to be comfortable with a move, and wanted to make sure it was something I wanted to do .

No. Im not saying your 'boyfriend is like that.
Im just telling you that this statement :


is not true.

R u saying just let him go and forget about it? No engagement? or just have a long distance relationship and see what happens?

Not sure which "you" you mean, but I mean go ahead with the relationship, keep things as consistent and non-disruptive with your kids as possible, and see what happens.

If you guys are compatible and have what it takes to make a strong marriage, you can survive a bit longer without being engaged or living together.

That's just IMO, from what you've said, and very general. There are always exceptions.

I would suggest a long distance.
Thatway you can see how he chooses to live.
How comfortable he is truly willing to make you and you need to see how comfortable you can make him.

You need to make sure your child is comfortable and safe with him.
Just because he has a child too does not mean he is on the same level when it comes to child safety, rules and regulations.

besides, what if he dates many people at a time? What if he turns out to be a job hopper? Only 6 months or so at a new job all the time? Pay changes all the time.. with kids thats important.

What if you dont enjoy sex with him?

But.. i cant really speak too much.

I met my husband on a vacation that was 4 days long.

At the end of that vacation, we realized that we had to figureout who was moving . ( we lived in diffrent states)
That was almost 7 years ago.

Is he the custodial parent of his son? Will his son be moving to wherever he's moving to? I would be extremely cautious before I moved my child to a new location to be with a man I'd only known for a few months. It isn't just your life that will be impacted.