Being left out

I went to see a pal last week(involved in the above situation) coz she wanted a skirt made and a general catch up.
Was invited to new pals 2 weeks ago as Im doing them a favour and it needed to be discussed.
Then there was a doo where cosmetics were available to buy.

Me thinks I am only invited if somebody wants something!!
I was invited to a new years eve doo at a restaurant but due to money I said thanks but no thanks and went to somewher cheaper with other pals.

I know Im being silly.The pals a spent NYE with are people that my other closest friends see alot of and yet they didnt spend NYE together!

Grrr, she just made her weekend sound so much fun, and I wasnt there.

Sometimes, people jsut grow apart. Maybe you weren't available a few times and now they just assume you won't be now. Maybe they've gotten really close. Maybe they're just insensitive and have no idea what they are doing. Maybe they don't like you anymore (for whatever reason)Maybe they are just those kinds of people. There are a thousand reasons why they could be leaving you out.

Question: Do you ask them to do things or do you just wait for them to ask you? Some people get tired of always the one making plans and just stop all together.

I'd try to reconnect that way and if it still doesn't work, assume the friendship is over and move on. Dont' kill yourself trying to be friends with them. They will eventually become aquaintances which then becomes a memory of a friendship.

But that's ok....it happens.

I haven't read this thread but I do feel that we should leave material girl out of it.

Are we all in agreement?

Bella-Im aware that friendships suffer as people get older and lifestyles change.
But we are talking my oldest closest frinds, thats why its upsetting.
If i dont have them I dont have anyone!
Move on,how???

No, I dont always initiate a social occasion, but I have suggested some things(and Im always available) but Im sure you can understand that any self esteem I have has taken a battering(even if it is just in my head) as time goes by.

I personnaly dont find it 'OK'.

Gustavratzenhofer-I agree.Lets get rid of MG, she sounds like a right ole misery guts.

Well, I can tell you that I am no longer close friends with ANY of the oldest friends I had. If you still have 1 or 2 that you are close with, it's great but it doesn't happen a lot in my experience.

How do you move on? You just accept things for what they are.

Fair enough, Ive accepted alot of things I dont like.
Its just horrid as these are people that have known me equally as long as each other.I know Im not the most interesting of people but I thought we all got on well.

Im sure im reading too much into it.

It's hard, I know.

I spent a great deal of time and energy trying to make a friendship with some of my hushands best friends wives (that's a mouthful) and it just ended up driving me crazy. It wasn't that they didn't like me...it was just that it didn't click. And I never got invited a long unless my hubby was invited to hang with the husbands and the wives were together. And even then I felt left out, even if I was in the group.

Finally, I just got sick of it and said if they don't like me for me, if they don't want to hang out with me, forget it.

Maybe you just need to get sick of being left out and wasting your time and energy on this whole thing.

It's probably not you. It's probably just that our interests change and the other girls perhaps still have something very much in common that you don't any more.

Exactly,(i promise i dont mean this offensively) they and you have relationships, a partner to entertain you if theres nothing else to do.
They are all buying houses, settling down, having babies, basicaly being grown ups.Im still at the same stage in life(and probably the same mentality) I was when i was about 18.


God I annoy myself.Nowonder nobody wants me around.

That's what happens...different stages, different interests...

And it isn't that they don't want you around. Maybe they feel like you'll feel left out when you're there. When they are talking about their houses and husbands and what not.

Was it always like this, or did you used to be really close?

Personally, I think people have a tendency to grow out of their friends as they grow up. Interests and priorities change. Maybe you just need to find some friends who are on the same page as you are and like to do some of the same things.

I had two very best friends when I grew up.
One of them simply found new friends at some point that suited her new interest better than I seemed to do.
We still met up (I guess I saw most of her, while I was living in London) until we were about 25.
After that I spoke on the phone to her once and met her once shopping...
The other started working, while I was still in school and our financial situations just weren't compatible any more. She bought a bike, a surfboard, a unicycle, a car, ... and I could not keep up!
Then she got married and had two children rather quickly. This was the time, when we started meeting irregularly again.
But it was never the same as when we were 18.
Our interests had simply moved too far apart.

My suggestion would be: Don't quite give up on your friends, yet.
But look for new acquaintances and interests.
That way you are not all dependent on them for socializing.
If money is an issue, go hiking with people, or cycling, or swimming, or painting, or to museums, or, or, or...

Is there nothing you've always wanted to do?
Maybe now's the time for it!

We all used to be really close, in our teens phoning each other regularly to go out, then in our 20's it got abit samey but we still saw each other, now its once every few weeks.
Im not denying anybody their own lives,I have just got to the point where I find my own company and interests dull.I have to entertain myself 24-7, and when I hear of my close freinds having fun without me(and they know full well Im on my own with not much to do) it really hurts.
Yep, im looking into starting a website to sell things i make.But that doesnt really substitute for a good evening of laughing with pals.
I did nothing this last weekend and said nothing, except say please and thank you if I bought something, and then my fiend tells me she had a great weekend with mutual friends
I do go to museums but its not like Ive ever made a friendship there.
I dont want to get married or settle down(I have nothing to settle down from)the people who are in the same boat as me just get drunk, I need something a bit more interesting to do.
I saw computer classes advertised yesterday but they were on during work hours.I shall keep looking.


Grrr, today is another day.I shall try to make it different from yesterday.

No, a website will not be a good replacement for an evening out, you are right...
I seriously do feel with you.
Been there, done that...

I have taken drawing classes for a whole year, and don't even remember anyone else in the class. It was nude drawing, though, so it was fun, anyway.
I did sewing classes, and the same (nothing) happened.
I found a few friends in the pub (plus the love of my life), and made lots of friends after joining a dive club.

Pity you don't live near, or I would take you to the pool one day.

But don't despair...
People and friends pop up when you least expect it.

Cheers Bohne, I know Im being silly.I just feel like the last few years none of my friends like me, im even doubting if my own mother likes me, I know she loves me but I sometimes wonder about her liking me.
Losing my close friends feels like having my heart ripped out.


I did nude drawing classes too, tho it was a nudey lady,never drew a nudey bloke.Or did you mean you were nude whilst drawing?hoho

Ive been invited to a gathering this weekend(by a not so close friend), the person whose doo it is actually said 'it should be good, new people are coming'.I like my existing friends, but I have to say, as shallow as I am, Im happy new people will be there.Tho no doubt itl be couples.

Thanks again Bohne, Im really not a happy bunny at the mo.My close friend still hasnt given me details of her weekend so my minds working overtime about the amount of fun that occured.

No, I was not nude, while drawing...

We had men and women as models, though...
Not gay or bi, but I think women are more aesthetic....

New people are good.
Check out what hobbies they have, something exciting might pop up and change your life forever...

I will do.I plan on having a drink while im there.Itl either end in an embarrassing emotional disaster or il be the life and soul of the party, lets hope its the latter.

A college friend was in a life drawing class with a male model,he started to play with himself!!!!
I agree,women are much nicer to look at.

I'm concerned that you're even thinking about this. What possible difference can it make how much fun they had? When my friends do things that don't involve me, I hope they had a good time. If they choose to tell me about it, fine. If not, that's okay too.

I agree with Bohne that an art class is a good kind of way for you to meet people. I made friends at an art class. Any kind of class that enables interaction as opposed to sitting in a classroom would be good.

Volunteering is also a good way to meet people. There is all kinds of interaction with varieties of people when you volunteer. Become active in a cause you care about.

If there's a Y in your area, why not check it out? See what it has to offer that might be of interest to you. I'm guessing that a fair number of people who go to the Y are hoping to meet people.

I hope they had fun too.As I said before,Im not denying anyone their own social life without me.
I just wondered what it was that meant I wouldnt be welcome.
eg.my mutual friends Im close to and have know for years met up and had fun.On the same night I was doing nothing and was in bed by 10.30.

Why think about this? Why not make your own fun? I know you are tired of doing things by yourself, but you can choose to sit around and mope, or you can choose to be proactive. Why didn't you just call your friends that night, and say, "Hey, what's going on for tonight? I'd love to see you guys!"

I always invite myself along places If I want to go out, I call up my friends, and say exactly what I said above!

Are you in a city? I know by me (in DC) there are lots of social clubs, groups, where you get together with a bunch of people and do different activities, such as bowling, dinner, drinks, whatever- they sound fun, and they exist because there are so many people just trying to meet friends.

Get involved in something! I agree that volunteering is a GREAT way to meet people! I've met a lot of people the same way. And if you want to meet people, don't take a computer class! You won't talk to anyone! Take a cooking class, or an acting class- something that encourages social interaction.

I've noticed you've said several times something to the effect of "having to entertain yourself"

What's that all about MG?

Why do you feel you need to be entertained, even by yourself?

Just "be" you don't always have to be "doing"