Being left out

I don't think you are pathetic!

I don't think I can give you a good answer though!

I can't get the whole story together, yet.
If you are feeling lonely at the moment, the two times this has happened might seem like ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS to you.
If this happens (objectively) on a regular basis, I would be trying to figure out what's going on in your friend's heads.
Do they do it on purpose or are they simply thoughtless?
In either case, they wouldn't sound like great friends to me.
More like acquaintances.

Sorry, I knew this would not be a good answer.
[size=7]maybe I should not hit submit[/size]

Of course you should hit submit.

There is nothing nasty about their actions, I know its not being done to pee me off.

Its merely I feel like I live in a couples world and the more I hear of things like this happening, the more its confirmed.

They all know Im on my own for about 5 years now, so when a trip to the cinema or a local trip is happening it would be nice to be included.

I understand its nice to have a different people at different events,its good to not see the same people all the time but couples have each other for entertainment.
Ive got me and the TV/a book.

Yes I agree, all I have to do is go out, but who with? Couples either stay in with each other or they go out as couples or groups of couples.I feel like Im the odd one out, the parasite that they feel like they have to be nice to.

I know im being silly but its just on my mind.

Do you ever try to coordinate plans, or just wait for people to call you? Take the initiative.

Yep, Im happy to do that but I have this thing in my mind of that they dont invite me because Im not very interesting and therefore if I planned anything they wouldnt really want to join in.

I tried to arrange for 2 cinema events this week but either already been seen they dont like the film.

Me being silly again.They truly are adorable friends, its just a couplesy thing, and Im not part of a couple goddamit!!!

My edit didnt post.

I seem to have noticed just how things change as we get older.
Couples have no reason to socialise like they used to.We all used to go out more than once a week when we were younger, now its once in a blue moon and usually the same people(couples).

Il have to do an experiment, if/when I get a gentleman friend i shall take note a to wether we invited to dinner at friends houses.

A wise man once said you wouldn't worry so much what people think of you if you realized how seldom they do.

Were I you; I'd concentrate on finding friends who share my interests (admittedly more difficult as we get older) and it sure sounds like you're ready for a man. Are you taking steps to meet them?

Wise words indeed.

God, am I coming across as desperate?I hope not, its merely companionship Im after, with a bit of cuddling( etc) thrown in.
I dont have much disposible income so I try to think of things I can do to meet people for free, I cant think of anything particularly appealing.
I have done evening classes, thought Id meet people by going to a gym, nice people at both but no friendships formed.

My only single friend is a tall leggy blonde, suppose I could go somewhere with her, just to get out.

Mat,

Just out of curiousity, not for or against it, have you tried internet dating or friendship meetings?

I'm not exactly single right now but I know exactly what you are talking about. The old 3rd wheel syndrome. It's true that couples do tend to have a different type of social life than singles. I highly doubt they are doing it intentionally, but probably if you were part of a couple this wouldn't be an issue. Then again, who knows.

Anyways, not sure what it like where you are at, but I have buddies (and me myself in the last while, looking for new friends and such) who have met some good friends through meeting sites. You can sift through people so fast, end up trying a lot of new things, might even meet someone worthy of dating you longer term.
But mostly it's really good for 'getting-out-of-the-box' so to speak. Big confidence booster to socialize with people you would otherwise probably never spend time with , and exposes you to so many different ways of life.

I have a question, when your friends do things without you, is it with their spouses or just with the girls? I understand how you'd be feeling hurt by this. When my husband left all of our mutual friends stopped calling, as a matter of fact, most of them are still in touch with him.
When we were still married it seemed like we were always arranging for get togethers. One couple never turned down a day out on our boat, or dinner downtown when we were driving. But when mutual friends got together we were rarely invited. I see them as opportunistic people that I'm better off without.
After 2 years of being without my spouse I felt the need to get out and make new friends whether male or female. I joined a hiking group and met 2 women that I've become great friends with and 3 others that still keep in touch. It's nice to have new friends with similar interests.
I will admit though that I'm at a place now where I'm ready to find companionship of the male kind. Like you, I won't say that I'm desperate, I'd like to have someone in my life that I feel comfortable with. Someone that I don't have to make an effort to impress.

Have you tried inviting yourself along? I have a hunch that they might think that, because you're single, you aren't interested in hanging out with them -- especially if it involves children. Maybe you just need to say "mind if I tag along?"

I will acknowledge now that I am a bit of a social retard and might not be the best person to take advice from. But in cases like this, if I'm feeling left out and start to get that paranoid "they don't like me" feeling, I find it helpful to just force the situation one way or the other. Either I find out in very certain terms that I'm right and they don't like me, which then allows me to free my mind to worry about something else, or I find out that they just didn't think I would be interested and that they are happy that I was.

Hmm, not heard of friendship meetings!I feel speed dating is like a meat market,alot like going to a bar with friends,basically put people in a room and see who wants to get jiggy with who, and i hate small talk as well.Yes Im that far away from communicating with human beings.

These are people I feel Im good friends with, we all get along, one Ive known for half my life.Thats why its a bit upsetting.


When I heard of the last cinema trip that was made by them I said in a jokey/whimpery way 'why wasnt I invited?' and its things like 'it was last minute'.
Its not like im busy, its just a phone call, il either say yes thanks or no thanks.
I cant really invite myself aolng if I dont know about it, and dont think I would anyway.
Id hate to sound too clingy and must realise people have lives of their own.I seem to get so jealous.

People change.

Priorities change.

I've noticed that friends of mine from years ago who'd disappeared into coupledom are resurfacing - going to more events independently of their partner. Since I moved on with my own stuff, the shoe's on the other foot now - as they want to tag along on things I'm doing with friends, and I'm not being obliging. We developed in different directions.

Have you looked at joining groups for people with common interests - film appreciation society, walking club ... that sort of thing? They can sometimes be good ways to find other people to do stuff with - sometimes you make friends/acquaintances, other times it's simply a group of people to do stuff with that you're unlikely to do on your own.

If you just need to meet some new folks, there's still nothing as powerful as the classic Hello!... though I prefer to run with Hola! If you're not comfortable jumpstarting conversations; get over it. Drive far enough away, to a crowded park or mall and say hello to every third person that passes you by until it feels natural. Next focus on people your age, with a smile in your eyes. Next focus on attractive men, with a naughty smile in your eyes. Next wait for one of them to charm you into a date. This is foolproof, because that's what men do if you're nice to them. We're really not that used to it. :wink:

Thanks for the advice guys.Im not feeling as jealous today.

Oh good! Maybe it was just one of those passing things. We all have moments.

Hmm, it happens quite a bit,tho Im probably exagerating things in my head when I first hear of it.

The SHORT NOTICE excuse sounds just like that... an excuse!

I've had a similar but different problem about ten years ago.
I moved back to Germany after living in England for six years.
Of course all my friends had gone all over the place, and the ones that were still around, had new friends, new interests, and no time for me!

I was lucky to work with some really great people at the time, so I attached myself to some of them, started playing squash, joined a dive club, and regularly visited a pub (with other people or on my own).

Today, I have so many things to do, that if I hear, that somebody went out on the weekend without me, I think: thank god for that!
)

Erk! Its happened again.
Friends that moved away met up with a mutual school friend at the weekend.
Dont know the whole story yet so I shall hold back the tears for the time being.

When was the last time you went out with friends (being invited by them)?
Maybe if you try to look at it objectively, you figure out, that the 'being-left-out' situations really are an exception!