Verrry Confused

Remember the thing most people seek out is attention, to be recognized by their qualities & to have their defects ignored. They need comprehenssion & patience, among other things.

You obviously helped your friend through a very difficult time in his life, and perhaps he is feeling the fear of becoming too close to someone again. That is all very natural and normal after being through a terrible divorce.

Everything you said up until the last few sentences made good sense to me, however, after that, you sort of fell off the wagon.

I think for now, you should let him have his space, let him find out who he really is again, and if all the nice things he said to you are true, he will be back.

IMO you should not call him or e'mail him, allow him to miss you and to realize how much he cares.

There's an old saying, "How can I miss you if you don't go away?"!

There's another old saying, "If you love something, set it free ... if it comes back, it's yours ... if it doesn't, it never was."

I really feel your pain, and wish for your sake you would go on with your life and settle in to your own niche, believing he will get his head together and get back on the right track, for both of you.

Good luck!

Again, the same as above

A thought:
Wife, "I love you, I'll stop drinking", "I need you so much", "Don't leave, I'll quit" and on and on.

You, "I love you", "You mean very much to me", "I enjoy being with you" and so forth.

Him: I am scared to death! The first on said it and it was hell. Do I dare take a second chance. Will I get hurt again?

Being married to a drunk takes its tole. Give him some time and maybe visit an site that discusses the dynamics of being married to an alcoholic. (ALONON sp?)

Just a thought.

There's another old saying, "If you love something, set it free ... if it comes back, it's yours ... if it doesn't, it never was."
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This is so true, but hard in practice. If a person expends energy retrieving another person, they may regret it later. The onus would be on you to 'hang on' to him and there would always be the sneaking suspicion he may want to leave again--or the reason he wanted to leave would never be fully resolved.

Not only would I not make contact again for any reason, but I'd really want some serious explanatory convo, if he decides he wants to return. Not an inquisition, but a real in-depth talk about what his reason was--and how it has been resolved.

Life is so short, dear. Though it may not seem like it when you're younger--it is better to be alone, than unhappily together.

Good Luck!

sofia
"Life is so short, dear. Though it may not seem like it when you're younger--it is better to be alone, than unhappily together. "
exactly

KEhleyr17 ~ you'll do well to listen to my Mom's (Misti) advice.

'Time' is the key as well as the issue.

This man needs to find himself as well as learn to love himself before anyone else can.

Be good ~ and please let us know what happens.

Just think.....You can come to A2K if you need someplace to talk or vent!

(Welcome!)

I'm sorry-it is too bad, someone else could have benefitted from this.

KE:

You've probably been so involved in being the alpha and omega to your friend, you've forgotten how to be good to you. Also, we forget how to be ourselves when in a situation like the one you're emerging from. We forget we are a valuable and irreplacable human being, and there are people in this world who would give anything for your companionship and your love.

Don't forget, you brought this person out of the hell of his own making, he will never forget you for that. We have no reason to believe he was not sincere in all he said to you, and at the time I'm sure he meant every word.

Now, hold your head up high, treasure the person you are, and don't allow anyone to make you feel less than the precious human being you are.

For a real game of chance ...Try Marriage

Same as above again

Yes, he writes a beautiful E-mail.

It might help you to read something about alcoholic relationships. One may be the drinker, with the obvious problem, but the other one has his or her hangup, too.

Your relationship with him is so different from what he has come to expect, he is probably not ready for something healthy. It doesn't feel right to him. He is not in a comfortable place, yet, in your relationship.

Get a book on the subject. I can't relate it all here in this short forum. Maybe you can find something on google.

Try "codependent" in a google search. You may get some answers.

Kehleyr--

How will he learn to miss you if you don't stay away?

You have a son? And he has bonded with this guy? Sorry, I don't have any patience for guys like this.

Not only has he got you all in a mell of a hess, but your son, too.

Not good. Not good at all.

Write him off.

You and your son deserve better.

KE:

Yes, he did write a beautiful letter!

What Rae says is correct, you just don't do things like he did with people, whether you love them or not, you just don't do it.

You may not know for a long time what his problem is, but, for your own well being, you must try to let it go until such time for either closure or reconciliation.

I really feel for you, and we all can relate, and we know your heart is breaking. There's no cure for this, except the passage of time.

Also, the most difficult part of what you're going through, is the not knowing. Do you maintain friendship or communication with any of his friends or family? Someone who could shed some light on this?

Hugs, Jen

And, be very careful what you ask for. Very.

Or, verrry.

Each person shapes their own destiny, so go ahead & shape yours, remember the most important thing is your own person, then your own person, then maybe the others, if you love yourself it's good enough.

Btw, tricky people are no good, unless you are more tricky than them!

and again...