I have to get married..help!

Why does your mother say it's time for you to get married?

Are you living with her?

As in, maybe you can become more independent without needing to get married per se.

I can imagine the proposal now...

*Girls name*, I don't really want to get married. But mother says I have to.
Whatdaya say?

"Yes. Oh my, yes! I have been waiting to hear those words my whole life." <crying>

.......

There must be many more options here than the ones you are seeing right now. Like living alone. Or collecting the means to support yourself with savings and concrete ways to have a home if/when you so choose, a strong support network, maybe dating or enjoying a gf, all that.
Maybe for you mom, marriage equals security? As in, she wants to make sure you are ok when the time comes that she is not around, and to her marriage is the thing?

You say you must get married: What is the dire concequence you are picturing if you don't get married?

You don't want to get married...but your mother wants you to.

And you're asking what to do?

Do every woman on the planet a favor: don't get married.

seems that mama says : "get out ; this is my house !" .

seriously , why do you have to get married if ma says so ?
surely , having your own apartment to throw some parties wouldn't be that bad , would it ?
or don't you like the cleaning up thereafter ? get 'molly maid' :wink:
hbg

The situation is like this, I'm responsible of a family that has a hemiplegia

( crippled ) father and a quadriplegia ( crippled ) brother. I'm the

youngest here. My mother sees that I should get married because time is

clicking. I don't have the time, and at the same time what mother says is

reasonable because time is passing on.


Now, I spent alot of money, making the right facilities for them. Now I

don't have a place to live in if I got married at my current place. So, I

have to get out and have my own house ( means money ) and if I did I

must take at least my brother with me ( I must take him with me). So,

it's complicated.



Alos, it's true that there are many girls around, but who is gonna accept

me!

That post really confused me.

How old are you navigator?
Why must you marry because time is clicking?
Is you mother saying this because she's getting older and thinks you need another woman to take care of you?

Can you take care of yourself, as in feeding and clothing youself, paying your bills and paying rent/mortgage? If you can, what do you need a woman for?

So, you spent a lot of money on the house making is accessible for you father and brother, and now you're being told you need to get out?

Who will take care of your father then?
If you move out with your brother, are you thinking you need a woman to take care of him?

It seems to me you would save money paying for someone to come in and do your housekeeping, help with your brother, and cook food for the week (your mother could come over and cook you enough food for the week, and maybe even take home your laundry. As long as she's doing her's and her husband, it's not that much more to do yours)

Then, you wouldn't have to spend money on supporting a wife that you don't even want in the first place.

Or, you can hook up with a woman who's parents are telling her it's time to get married, and she doesn't want to either. That way, you'll both satisfy your parents and sleep in 2 beds.

I believe Navigator is from a rural village in the Middle East.

Other countries, other customs.

I suppose I'm not too helpful with the details, but...

If you have managed to provide a safe, loving home and head a household with so many challenges - there are some definite great qualities in you that most any sensible woman would find attractive.

Let's say you did have time to find that special someone. Is that something you want for yourself?

Well, the best time to get married is when you're in financial ruin, and are doing so just for the sake of getting married.

Does she want you to get married so that you can have children? I understand that time won't wait for you but I'm not sure what it is she's afraid won't happen if time runs out. Is she afraid that you will spend your whole life taking care of your father and brother and not be able to make a life for yourself?

Yes, I was thinking that might be the case.

In that case, maybe hiring a housekeeper for himself, and moving out would be the best thing. I mean, if it's that he just needs a woman (person) to take care of his house, feed him and care for his brother.

navigator, are there arranged marriages where you come from?

Ok, I'll be 28 by July 2007. As Noddy said we here have different customs,

but not that much these days. In general, one should get married before

30 at least because I see it like this. If you didn't find a girl and start a

family and see your kids then who is gonna take care of you when get

old! Now, that what my mother concern most about. The question is, how

marriage thing arranged here? Well, at my brother time you should pick

the right family and the right girl . People would choose a girl that respect

marital life, know about God, take care of children and husband. My

father was so right choosing my mother, she is a super woman, and

beautiful ofcourse.


The plan I have in my mind ( if worked ) is like this, building a small

house that I can live in with my future wife and brother ofcourse. Why I

have to do this? Because there is no place in my father house. You would

ask me where do you sleep? OK, sometimes with my father and most of

the time with my brother. My clothes etc will be in the guest room ( a

place where you entertain others).


You would ask me, why you don't move to a flat like the situation there?,

the answer is I need a special environment or place to my father, one

storey house is good for him. At the same time I don't want to go away

from my father and mother ( who I owe them everything in my life )

because father needs me. Why I take my brother not my father? Because

brother needs me most ( quadriplegia) and also taking in mind that he is

two years older than me. We shared the same childhood.



You see it's my complicated situation.


So, I thought of getting the appropriate place first , then thinking

seriously about getting married and moving in.

I don't know what to do ? I don't care about getting married and moving

on with my life as other said like my mother.

I think that what she is afraid about.

Navigator, you sould like a good person, a good son and a really great brother. Your family is so lucky to have you.
I guess the ideal situation would be for you to find a house for yourself and your brother - and your future wife and family - in the same neighborhood as your parent's home. That way you could still be close to your parents, yet have some privacy and a chance to have a life for yourself.

As far as the prospective brides go... do you have time to yourself to go out and meet girls and cultivate a relationship?

Your mother is just being a mother, in that she needs you, yet she is frustrated that you are trapped in a situation not of your making, and may lose the chance to be truly happy with your own family.

I sincerely hope that you are able to work something out that works for all concerned. I know this is a tough situation for you, and there are so many people and things to consider.

Navigator--

Your mother is a formidable woman. Has she chosen a wife for you yet?

Or is her campaign still in the theoretical stages?

Hold your dominion.

They are many candidates around, but dont' know how I'm going to

spend the rest of my life. This could shrink the number. I see that

the first priority should go to the house. I don't know how it should be,

and look like, taking in mind my brother situation.

You are the formidable woman Noddy.

Navigator, I have no doubt that you will find a woman who can appreciate both you and your situation. I hope it all works out for you.

Navigator--

Rather than adding to your burdens, a wife might help you carry them.

I'm sure that your mother is not only thinking of grandchildren, but that she wants you to have a life (and a love) of your own.

I'm not saying elope tomorrow at high noon, but think about the idea.

Hold your dominion.