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They are cheating...... do you want to know?

Forums: Relationships
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Just curious..

if your partner is cheating on you, would you want to know?

By any means necessary?
Anonymous letters? Women showing up at your door.. ? etc.. ?

Or would you feel better if it just slowly revealed itself?

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I would want to find out in the same way I like my bandages removed, one quick as a whip moment.

Midnight the Day After
There is no more devastating feeling,
to find out love is gone.
It is similar to learning
one's parents have died suddenly,
but the pain is deeper,
warmer to the touch
and the betrayal of everything
that your tender heart had built a life on,
now lying there in ruins,
makes one truly wish for one's own death,
if for nothing else
than to make the soul stop
screaming.

Joe(mid-summer 1974)Nation

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Re: They are cheating...... do you want to know?

shewolfnm wrote:

Just curious..

if your partner is cheating on you, would you want to know?

By any means necessary?
Anonymous letters? Women showing up at your door.. ? etc.. ?

Or would you feel better if it just slowly revealed itself?

This must be addressed to men as surely a woman always knows, unless she doesn't want to know.

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I agree. Most women do know - at least they know that there is something very different with their husbands. If they elect to ignore the warning signs,
that's up to them, but men never mastered in secrecy.

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You must know, to protect yourself. Cheating husbands (and wives) are not immune to bringing home STDs.

Friends usually don't want to become involved, but friends need to keep the above in mind and weigh loyalty to the friend and marriage with common sense.

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I would rather just know, I think the uncertainty would be worse.

What an awful/great poem Joe, this topic actually reminded me of a Brautigan poem that I can't quite remember.

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Yes I would want to know. I would also want to know if she is any good at cooking, scrubbing bathrooms, mopping floors, cleaning up dog hair balls, canning tomatoes, mending, laundry, and general home maintenance. If she is good at any of the above I would like to make a deal with her. She can have Mr. Witch every Monday, Wed., Friday, Sunday and any night he eats too much chili. In exchange she can have a roof over her head at no additional cost and my personal promise not to shoot her.

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CalamityJane wrote:

I agree. Most women do know - at least they know that there is something very different with their husbands. If they elect to ignore the warning signs,
that's up to them, but men never mastered in secrecy.

I have seen it from both sides, I hate to admit. I laugh at some of the steps men take to keep their women form knowing, like taking a shower before they go home. Like that will wipe away the look of just having fucked the **** out of another woman for three hours from their eyes.

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GW

Laughing

you think the way I think..

I would want to delve up the time with Mr Wolf for my own quiet moments.
HA

You would think a woman would know.. but there is always the chance that they dont.

yes. The situation I have in mind is a husband cheating on a wife.

But, what if the wife were cheating on the husband? Would it make a difference ?
I agree.. no matter what side it is on, STD's are the biggest concern.

what if you ( the person who KNEW about the cheating ) only wanted to tell the spouse out of malice?

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I have to agree with CJ and Roxxxie who say that women always know. I did. Twice. And I can't begin to recall how many times friends have cried on my shoulder about knowing but not wanting to face it.

In hindsight, I've got to say that it's best to know asap. That way you can do whatever you're going to do and get on with your life. Nothing worse than being in limbo.

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Quote:

But, what if the wife were cheating on the husband? Would it make a difference ?

Her husband wouldn't find out, as women who cheat, won't even tell
their best friend, and usually they're the ones (women) who protect
themselves from STD's. Yet, it would not make a difference - infidelity
is infidelity, regardless which gender is the initiator.

Green Witch, you're good. I would not share my man ever with another
woman. The minute he'd sidestep, she could have him, he would be useless
to me then.

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Well, I gotta say you women buy all your own BS - "Women always know, and the men would never find out, because the women wouldn't talk."

o.......kayyyy

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I didn't know. Wish I had. Might have saved myself a lifetime of anguish dealing with the herpies from my husband's fling.

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Well, I'm sure i wouldn't be one of the ones that 'knew' because I'm as dumb as a post that way. But once scorned, I'd let her have him, in toto, finalmente. THere'd be no going back in my house.

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Thinking.

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Re: They are cheating...... do you want to know?

shewolfnm wrote:

Just curious..

if your partner is cheating on you, would you want to know?

By any means necessary?
Anonymous letters? Women showing up at your door.. ? etc.. ?

Or would you feel better if it just slowly revealed itself?

I'm all for women showing up at my door looking for my partner and slowly revealing themselves by any means necessary!

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I would want to know. Definitely.

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Yes, I'd want to know.

I won't allow my husband to take the cake I bake and eat it with another woman.

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CalamityJane wrote:

Green Witch, you're good. I would not share my man ever with another
woman. The minute he'd sidestep, she could have him, he would be useless
to me then.

Not good, just older. I've gotten to that point in my life where I would rather have my husband give me a hand with the dishes instead of a hand in bed.

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I don't truly buy the whole idea of-

"women always know and men don't because they are stupid"

Women don't always know , and neither do men.

It isn't anything about superiority of the sexes, or a greater intelligence in one vs the other. It is the sneakiness of the cheater, and the total trust that get in the way.

THAT doesnt make one stupid.

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