Help me to move on with my life after ending an affair

How long was the affair?

Help me to move on with my life after ending an affair
Chumly, just fresh and new, i edited my post...to make things clear..thanks!!

Who ended it and why? I guess what I am getting at is you're gonna have to supply lots of meat and potatoes details if want some spiffy responses. Thus where's the beef? Mind, I hate that empty feeling at the end and we've all be there!

Help me to move on with my life after ending an affair
I met a guy through chat, we are both married and have kids. We've been chatting almost every single day for a year & a half, I fell in love with this guy, he makes me feel as alive person again, i really feel passionately in love with this guy, i am head over hills with him, I never felt this before with with anybody even with my husband. I decided to meet him in his country and luckily found a job and decided to stay so I can send money to my kids and the pay is good than my previous job. On our first meeting day, it was a heaven to me, sex was great! I put all my emotions to him, but time goes by, i saw his true colors, he changed, he is not satisfied with one lady only, he's chatting and cybering with so many ladies he even asked me if we can do 3somes which I said NO! He even asked me to introduce him to my friend so he can **** her. He also told me that he convinced one lady to have 3somes to him and trying to convince another. I felt so devastated. I asked him why he is doing this to me, treating me so bad and he said that he doesn't want me to be attached to him, for God sake, he allowed me to meet him and then he will just hurt me! i really hate him so much, i cursed him because he don't care about my feelings. He is a sex addict. He has 2 characters, he's an ideal husband and great father to his kid but he's a cheater, liar and abusive. I accepted the fact that he had sex with many ladies from different countries which he met online but still i decided to meet him because all I know was I wanted to be happy. I said goodbye to him many times but I kept on coming back because I love him so much. But now I feel so empty, lonely, i've been struggling alone with the pain, agony, sufferings because I don't have my family here with me, i'm always crying every night. I still love him, my heart wants him but my mind doensn't want to. I know letting go is the right thing to do but I am really in deep pain. I know what I did was wrong and I need to move on but I don't want to go back to my husband. My husband think that everything is okay with us but deep inside of me, im not happy with him anymore because he can't meet all my needs, emotionally, financially. I feel I'm going crazy because nobody knows about this, its just me and my lover and the affair ends silenty but I am still in deep pain.

Hey, I've been there. I remember one guy in particular. I had sort of given up all the activities and friends I had and just got completely absorbed into his life.

When it ended I had nothing and had to rebuild.

A friend told me that you get back on where you got off.

For example, when I was a kid I enjoyed softball, so I joined a softball team. As time passed I moved on to better, newer choices.

BTW, that "giving up my life for my man" bit only happened that one time, so I guess I really learned my lesson well.

Hope that's a comfort.

OK. So, starting over. How about listing all the things you ever enjoyed doing, or thought you would like to try. (I really like to do this with people! A favorite subject!)

And, remember to take real good care of your body right now, like eating well, drinking water, any kind of exercise like even just walking, and getting plenty of sleep. No matter what's ahead for you, you will need your health and energy to support your actions.

Help me to move on with my life after ending an affair
Thanks! Appreciate it!

I'm confused. You left to meet your lover in his country, but your husband doesn't know about the affair?

Your husband can't support you financially?

By the way, the guy I mentioned . . . he was a Casanova-type, too, with a sex addiction and lots of women. Seems being that kind of lover takes a lot of practise.

As the years went by, he would call occassionally, or I would hear about him. His life went from bad to worse. Better to get out now. You are making the right decision to leave him.

Help me to move on with my life after ending an affair
Yes, my husband doesn't know the affair because he's always out of the house busy with something. I always left alone in our home. My husband is a simple man with simple ambition in life, maybe my demands are high that he can't meet or am I too ambitious, i don't know....

Okay, I'm confused too.

Where the heck are you? How can your husband not know you're in another country??

You said:


I decided to meet him in his country and luckily found a job and decided to stay so I can send money to my kids and the pay is good than my previous job.

Please explain!

My husband knew that I am in another country. I told him that I received a job offer in that country because i have relatives in that country who can help me get an employer that pays well. We need a big amount of money and that is also one of the reasons why i went to that country.

The more info you provide, the more others will be able to help you. Your story is sketchy at the moment.

Are you sorry you had an affair, or are you only sorry that you picked a loser to take off to?

Are your kids grown?

You say you don't want to go back to your hubby. Ok. So you are saying there are problems in your marriage.
Did this latest stunt help matters at all? Do you think running away is the answer now?

I don't see how it is possible for you to move on without first owning up to your responsibilities and the concequences of your actions. Sooner or later, and later would only prolong suffering and damage, you are going to have to deal with the choices you made head on and how that has affected others.

Ending your personal pity party may be the best first move. It is accomplishing nothing to dwell on that. You made choices, you are not a victim of some wicked man. How about thinking of the bigger picture: the real problems.

I'll jump in to say that I'm confused as well. Did you say that you left your kids as well as your husband to go have an affair with ssomeone that you met online??

I left my husband and my kids because of a job offer, it so happened that it's the same country where my lover from. We are not rich so I grabbed the opportunity.
My kids are all grown up. I don't regret the affair because I fell in love with that man, though I know it was wrong, I just wanted to move.

Well of course you're going to be feeling low right now. Just accept that your life is changing. Have you made the final decision to divorce your husband?

Yes I wanted to but not now. I stick with my married life because of my kids.

Sorry guys if my story is not in detailed, i just summarized it to make it short but I welcome all the questions, suggestions and comments. I am here not to be judged, i just need help because I am all by myself and I need all the encouragement that I can get just to keep me going. Thanks and God Bless us all!!

I understand how difficult it all can be, the advice to keep yourself busy doing the things you like makes sense.

Yes you are right! and I am happy that I found able2know because I never thought that I will share my story in this website which I kept for so many months by myself. It's like opening up a problem to a friend which won't judge me and will give me advice and understand all my turmoils, pain, suffering that I am going through right now.

When one chooses to try and steal a cheater away from his wife; the very best they can hope for is to land a cheater. Regardless of your marital status, you should raise the bar for potential lovers. Cheaters are not worthy of your affection. I imagine you feel bad enough, being one yourself, and I'm sure that's half of what's making you miserable. Fortunately, grounded people live in the present and the future, not the past, so there is nothing stopping you from improving your outlook on life. Change the behavior you want changed, raise your standards, and live happily ever after. Since this was pretty easy, I'll charge no fee. :wink:

Best of luck, and welcome to A2K!

Thanks!