I see dead people.....

Oof. What nastiness, and really, for no good reason (not that there's ever much a reason for nastiness). Make more cookies. Send 'em to someone with a conscience.

Certainly explains Mo's behavior the last couple of weeks. He's probably needing to test things to see if you're giving him back to those people or if you love him enough to keep him around inspite of all his "mistakes."

Write out an invitation for Mo and your family. Put some holiday music in the car stereo, bring a thermos of hot chocolate and popcorn, and go tour the neighborhood's holiday lights. Let him ooooh and aaaah and sing some carols together. Create a nice new family memory to take the place of the disappointment from the old.

God damn it! What a bunch of A-holes! And bio-mom was part of this? God damn it!

How's Mo doing?

I agree with this.

Covering your anger may not be the best route, but I'm no expert on that.

I'd be phasing these people out now - at least until he is older with a broader range of possible understanding than he is now able to muster.

Thanks again, all, for hearing my rant and offering agreement.

I really don't think they're cruel - I think they're broken. Their concept of what obligations one has to family are out of whack with (most) of the population. Like dlowan said - it was all really pretty predictable.

Not that that makes it any easier.

Mr. B had the audacity to suggest I call Auntie T and bury the hatchett to which I replied: "I divorce thee. I divorce thee. I divorce thee." To which he replied: "<snork>".

So I poured myself a glass of (imaginary) gin and went all Tennessee Williams on him.

That felt great.

And he won't be making that mistake again.

I know Mr. B's own experience has been helpful, the idea of the glamor parent et al. I also wonder if there might be a bit of pendulum-ing going on, though, swinging a bit back too far as a reaction to his experience.

Has anything happened with finding a good and not bank-breaking therapist?

Hmmm, maybe you'll want to divorce me too, but how about you offer to drive Mo there for the breakfast? Just this last one time, since Mo was excited about it for so long...

Anyway, I've no experience in this field, all I know is that they will be born as earthworms in their next life. And some evil kids will tie knots on them and they'll be eaten by crows eventually.

OK not evil, clueless. Perhaps if Mo understood that these people just don't know any better it might help him cope. I would still vote to fade them out, make no voluntary contact, tell them you and Mo are busy and don't have any available dates. The truth is life often hurts , people hurt us. We deal with it and we have to move on to experience better things. Many children are not as lucky as Mo to have a rock like you - and a rock with a great sense of humor is priceless.

duplicate edit

Actually, I did offer to drive him over and got a "thanks but no thanks".

I've been thinking about that. I think mOther was covering for me maybe just a bit. She knew I wanted Mo to be here and she understood why. She wants him to have a "normal" life (her words). Like I said earlier - I think she'd been heavily lobbied by her family to force the issue.

In an earlier conversation with Auntie T she said "I just want him to have a chance to know his great-grandparents".

In a later conversation with mOther (after the Auntie T conversation but before yesterday) I admitted to mOther that while I do not hold a grudge against her grandparents and while I will allow Mo to see them that whether he "knew" them or not was .... errrr...... ummmm..... I don't know the right word for this.

I hated the way the treated Mo's mOther when she was pregnant with him and I know that g-g-mother is a hopeless alcholoic and well...... I guess I just don't care for them to really have any kind of influence in his life.

Mr. B has been helpfull. His parents had a hostile divorce 40 years ago but have been brilliant in putting any differences aside over the years so as to not make a his house/her house thing. They don't compete for their children's affection. I truly admire them for it.

But our situation is still different.

The therapy thing is something I really don't want to discuss here.

Thank you Green Witch. If we can't laugh at ourselves who can we laugh at? My life really is a comedy mine field.

Broken people behave in ways that are cruel.

If it walks like a duck...



I too have to agree that you should not try to curb 100% of your anger.
Show him it is ok to be mad at them . Give him a chance to recognize that anger is ok , no matter who it is aimed at. That way he has an outlet that isnt " ITs your fault!! " being screamed at you.

Yell .
Get angry.
Say somethings about how they dont know how bad it feels on your side of the phone when they lie about coming over.
etc, etc.



****. I would make a donkey, with THIER face on it, and throw some serious darts at it..

The cookies are gone!

We printed up some festive labels, slapped them onto lunch bags, filled the bags with cookies, ran a ribbon through the sack and snuck around hanging bags on all the neighbor's doors.

It was a lot of fun.

Plus, we had a great opportunity to discuss promises today.

I had arranged to deliver a big box to a certain charity and Mo and I had spent last weekend inventorying (?) the items and organizing them. This morning he wouldn't even get dressed. Didn't want to leave the house. Nope. Staying right here thank you very much.

So I reminded him that I had made a promise and that I took that very seriously. If he couldn't go with me, I would have to find a babysitter for an hour or so. He decided to go after all so we had a nice chance to talk about promises and what they mean.

Then we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and feasted.

Then the big cookie sneak.

It was a really good day.

Sounds like a great day.


I've been meaning to ask ...




where are my cookies?

Excellent.


Really excellent.


Well, ya know, people who fail with promises aren't always thoroughgoing horrible.

Just that, following through on promises matters.

Not in lecture form, of course.

You don't want to grow a Mr. Rigid. But...

Just went out to the front door...........No cookies

Oy! Lemonade from lemons indeed.


Great segue!

Boomer, you're the best! Merry Christmas!

Hey, wonderful!

I missed the thread on the first go-round, so now I'm pissed off on your account even though you seem to have moved on.

Thank god Mo has you in his life.