I'm Crap At Small Talk

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I'm going out tonight for somebody's birthday celebration. I only know the guy who's taking me and I'm getting a bit nervous about meeting everybody else (there will be at least 20 other people there) and making conversation. I'm very shy in social situations and don't even know where to put myself.

Can anyone suggest any easy ways get through the evening without having a panic attack or looking a fool or having to get extremely drunk.

x

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Re: I'm Crap At Small Talk

Dorothy Parker wrote:

I'm going out tonight for somebody's birthday celebration. I only know the guy who's taking me and I'm getting a bit nervous about meeting everybody else (there will be at least 20 other people there) and making conversation. I'm very shy in social situations and don't even know where to put myself.

Can anyone suggest any easy ways get through the evening without having a panic attack or looking a fool or having to get extremely drunk.

x

Take a look at the Google News page and familiarize yourself with the top two stories in politics, sports, science, entertainment and fashion. You'll be well armed to carry on chit chat with any variety of people you might encounter.

Make a list of questions you'd love to have people ask you about yourself, your hobbies, reading interests, musical tastes, etc., and ask those questions of them. Then volunteer your answers about yourself for those same questions.

Ask people if they participate in any message board forums or chatrooms on the internet. If they do, select two or three of your favorite threads from A2K to summarize and talk about. Describe the various poster's personalities as presented in that thread. Ask them to describe the message board communities they participate in.

As for looking a fool, just wear two different colored shoes or earrings. People won't know if you're foolish looking or a new fashion trend. Very Happy

If you're worried about first impressions and wish to make a decent one for all those strangers and your boyfriend, hold back on the getting "extremely drunk" bit. As I'm sure you've personally experienced, most "extreme drunks" usually end up looking very foolish at the very least.

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Butrflynet, thank you for that fabulous advice and ideas, you make it sound easy. I will do that.

Smile

Just got to figure out what to wear now!

DP

xxx

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Dorothy Parker wrote:

Butrflynet, thank you for that fabulous advice and ideas, you make it sound easy. I will do that.

Just got to figure out what to wear now!

DP

xxx

It's not that easy. You still have to work up the confidence to put it to use. I suffer from the same shyness in social situations. Those are some of the things I do to try to make myself feel more comfortable and fit in with the crowd. Hope they work for you, too!

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Had a really good time. Wasn't as scary as I was expecting. I was sat next to a girl who was really friendly and chatty which helped.

x

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BBB
Many of us put on a "public face" when we are really insecure inside.

BBB

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Re: I'm Crap At Small Talk

Butrflynet wrote:

[
Take a look at the Google News page and familiarize yourself with the top two stories in politics, sports, science, entertainment and fashion. You'll be well armed to carry on chit chat with any variety of people you might encounter.

Make a list of questions you'd love to have people ask you about yourself, your hobbies, reading interests, musical tastes, etc., and ask those questions of them. Then volunteer your answers about yourself for those same questions.

Ask people if they participate in any message board forums or chatrooms on the internet. If they do, select two or three of your favorite threads from A2K to summarize and talk about. Describe the various poster's personalities as presented in that thread. Ask them to describe the message board communities they participate in.

As for looking a fool, just wear two different colored shoes or earrings. People won't know if you're foolish looking or a new fashion trend.

If you're worried about first impressions and wish to make a decent one for all those strangers and your boyfriend, hold back on the getting "extremely drunk" bit. As I'm sure you've personally experienced, most "extreme drunks" usually end up looking very foolish at the very least.

At the end of the evening everyone was saying "damn, we couldn't get her to shut up!"

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DP, you have over 2,000 posts on A2K. How can you possibly think you're crap at small talk? If you find yourself in another social situation like this you could pretend everyone in the room is on A2K and proceed accordingly.

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r u ok 2? This kind of small talk I'm bad at..

On the plans for what to talk about, studying up on the news: for me that didn't work. I tried it on my first date, which involved the fellow picking me up, our walking to the bus stop, going to downtown Evanston for a movie (Taza, Son of Cochise, with Rock Hudson). I had all these questions ready. I got through the list by the time we got to the bus stop. This including a sublimely stupid question about whether he liked playing basketball (he was probably 5' 3" at most). He answered all these things in monosyllables. Then silence. After we got back to our house, I said "I had a wonderful time" and I forget which monosyllable he said.

Well, after that, my life of conversation could only get better.

Either I really learned that I was too self oriented in my shyness, or I got too tired of worrying about what to say, and just relaxed. Something will be happening that people can talk about; planning gets in my way, unless it is between friends or acquaintances who really need to discuss something, and then I might review my opinions up to that time.

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You know, I always do best when I first meet someone because there is so much to learn about them. My problem is the 2nd or 3rd meeting, I've already asked them the basics about themselves.

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JPB wrote:

DP, you have over 2,000 posts on A2K. How can you possibly think you're crap at small talk? If you find yourself in another social situation like this you could pretend everyone in the room is on A2K and proceed accordingly.

Aw thanks JPB. x

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Hey Dorothy

How did it go? I confess, I could talk under wet concrete if push came to shove so not finding things to chat about hasn't been a thing with me *however* when I feel uncomfortable with the silence - I just ask the other person/people questions about themselves. By asking open questions (who, what, when, where, why & how) they tend to not answer with a straight "yes" or "no".

The trick with asking them questions is knowing when to back off so they don't feel interogated Wink

Usually tho, most people quite like to talk about themselves, their achievements, their family, interests, hobbies and so on.

jazster

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[quote="Dorothy Parker"]Had a really good time. Wasn't as scary as I was expecting. I was sat next to a girl who was really friendly and chatty which helped.

x[/quote]

OK, now keep this in mind for next time!
Can save yourself a lot of nerves!
Very Happy

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I went out with pals for the first time in about a year.
Even tho I was with friends I did wonder if I could muster up interesting things to talk about.
Once i got there i remembered how much other people like to talk,also it doesnt have to be detailed in depth discussions on world events.
I just ended up making the odd comment every now and again, let others speak.

Glad you enjoyed it DP, people are generally nice, nothing to worry about.

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Thanks MG. It did get a little awkward when we went down to the club and everyone started bloody dancing.

I don't really do dancing unless a) I'm pissed b) I'm on drugs or c) I'm alone in my house so I shuffled about a bit feeling like there was a spotlight on me. I ended up sort of wandering off into the crowd and dancing alone feeling like some sort of desperate and sad old slapper.

I did get a little perverse enjoyment out of watching the guy who had brought me look around for me with a worried look on his face though Twisted Evil

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I think its fair to say that everybody is self conscious around new people, even if they act as tho they arnt.
They are as desperate to impress you as much as you are to impress them.
Dont put yourself under any more pressure,just listen to what they have to say then ask them a question about what they said(people love to talk about themselves), learn new things, yuo can also teach them things, and have a laugh.

When I was with my friends(who all have proper well paid jobs)I felt like I had to say important, impressive stuff, but the first thing they said when I got there was' weve just been discussing sh*tting through the eye of a needle'.!!!So the level of the conversation for the evening had been established.

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material girl wrote:

I think its fair to say that everybody is self conscious around new people, even if they act as tho they arnt.
/quote]

Sorry, material girl. This doesn't apply to everybody. In fact I never gave it much thought until I saw a few threads here. I somehow managed to get to be as old as I am without ever stopping to think that people feel uncomfortable about meeting people and talking. But I'm thinking about it now. Better late than never, I guess.

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Roberta wrote:

material girl wrote:
I think its fair to say that everybody is self conscious around new people, even if they act as tho they arnt.
/quote]

Sorry, material girl. This doesn't apply to everybody. In fact I never gave it much thought until I saw a few threads here. I somehow managed to get to be as old as I am without ever stopping to think that people feel uncomfortable about meeting people and talking. But I'm thinking about it now. Better late than never, I guess.

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Roberta wrote:

material girl wrote:
I think its fair to say that everybody is self conscious around new people, even if they act as tho they arnt.
/quote]

Sorry, material girl. This doesn't apply to everybody. In fact I never gave it much thought until I saw a few threads here. I somehow managed to get to be as old as I am without ever stopping to think that people feel uncomfortable about meeting people and talking. But I'm thinking about it now. Better late than never, I guess.

Doh, Im even rubbish at correctly posting things re above.

Fair enough, no idea why I wrote everybody,lets say some people.

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material girl, At least your quotes ended up in the little box. I wasn't able to manage that. I appreciate your changed wording, but I'm still thinking about the issue.

It bothers me that I've been oblivious to what is a genuine concern for some, many, a few, a lot of people. I'm wondering how this discomfort, of which I was unaware, might have influenced how people responded to me and how I responded to them. Food for thought--and entirely nonfattening.

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I'm Crap At Small Talk

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