Thanks to everyone.
Diane, her sons are in their 20s and all living on their own. I imagine there will be feelings that they'd abandoned her. Guilt, ugh.
Littlek:
I so agree.
Sometimes I think guilt is the most destructive of all emotions.
Emotions - guilt and regret, followed closely by unresolved anger. I bet those kids will have all those rotten, gut-twisting emotions for some time.
Damn, it is pretty awful when you can tell the future or at least predict a likely result. I wonder if they have any king of mentor? Sometimes a good, wise older person can make the difference between debilitating guilt-regret-unresolved anger lasting for years or learning to acknowledge those emtions and moving beyond them within a reasonable time before they become ingrained.
Sorry for rambling. How is your dad doing? And you and your mom?
I think the rest of the family will make efforts to help "the boys". I plan to speak with them if the flow of conversation allows for it. I've already helped my mom see things from a better point of view. Mostly she was angry that my aunt let her sons down, and that she killed herself, in effect. She had been trying to see things in a more positive light. I told her that my brother and I had very fond memories of our aunt. That before she became really ill, she was our favorite aunt. She was warm and full of kind smiles and non-judgmental laughter. She asked us kids about ourselves and really seemed to listen to our replies. And, she loved her own kids deeply, despite the steep decline which was so difficult for them. She just totally and frantically lost control.
My parents are fine. They are traveling to CT now to spend some time with my father's remaining family members (his sister-in-law and step-mother). His health seems to be good.
You know what? If you didn't already have a mother, I'd adopt you on the spot.
{{{{{{{{{{ littlek }}}}}}}}}}
I've got more than my share of guilt, but IF I had to choose between the polar extremes of "guilt-ridden" neurotic and "conscience-free psychopath, guess which one I would choose.
Diane, I love you too.
JL, are there only the two choices?
LK, I was only responding to Diane's comment that guilt may be one of our most destructive emotions. I was comparing TYPES, not realities. In reality people identify events and traits along continua between purely conceptual polar-types.
I knew a sociopath once and that was scary enough for a lifetime.
You and Luchi strike a truly lovely balance between Nietzsche and art........and roughing it in the wilderness.
Guilt, even when it is considered "normal," can tear a person apart. I've seen it enough to realize just how much it can stress someone who is already badly stressed.
Yeah, we strike a balance between insanity and sanity: a stable neurosis. And that's how we like it!
You two seem to have a 'listening to' and 'live and let live marriage', excellent.
(example for the world at large, if only...)
Top of m'hat to you both as we approach new year's.
Which hat... maybe the purple felt one...
Thanks to the two of you. Yeah we're pretty adjusted to each other, but, remember, we've been divorced and then remarried more than two decades later. Our divorce failed, as we love to say.
It's been a month since my dad's angioplasty - he has moved into a much lower clot risk phase.
Such good news, littlek. Here's hoping he continues to do so well.
He seems to be much goofier right now than he has been. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? <mostly a rhetorical Q>
My father seems equally goofy both before and after stent surgery. I think we should get them together, but I'm afraid they'd just play tricks on our mothers.
Isn't goofy always better? (not meant rhetorically)
Great news LK.
My father died of nothing (at age 93) a few years ago. I'm SO glad I told him I loved him.
Goofy is good..... so long as it's not a sign of.....something. <grin> Here's a goofy video of my dad from this week. Suddenly, he is an ecological expert.
Goofy Babba
