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Tue 14 Nov, 2006 12:53 pm
That some one is my soon to be ex-SIL slut. She is sleeping around on my brother. They have a beautiful 5 year old girl and she has a sweet 11 year old daughter from a former husband that my brother cares for as his own. The 11 year old has been welcomed into the family since day one. She calls my mom and dad grandmom and granddad and I love her like my own niece. The 5 year old has been telling everyone about mommy's boyfriend - great, what a wonderful thing to teach a little girl.
The other day at my daughter's birthday party, my brother brought my two nieces. The older girl looked simply miserable; she wasn't the norm bubbly outgoing sweetheart I am used to - all I could do was give her the biggest hug in the world. Her younger sister was just quiet.
I found out they are definitely splitting. I feel so miserable about these two poor little girls. I hope I can continue seeing the older girl as she isn't my brother's daughter, but I have known her since she was four and love her. My brother simply loves these girls to death. He is miserable too.
While this tramp goes and comes as she wants and my brother sleeps on his daughter's bedroom floor (yes, the little 5 year old told us). It is apparent that this woman has a commitment issue - she can't hold a job for long - everyone else is lazy and stupid at every place she has ever worked and now a second divorce. When my mom watches the little one, and she drops her off, she is typically speeding up the street (late again) and the child is still in her PJs, pretty much just dragged out of bed.
How can some one do this - without thinking about the little ones? I am in tears. If I see her, I might just kick her butt.
I sort of know how you feel, my sister and her husband just decided to separate as well. They have two cute little kids and I never suspected any marital problems. They are both well off, one is a doctor and the other a dentist, but I suppose that may be part of the problem. I'm not sure how the kids are handling it.
stuh505 wrote:I sort of know how you feel, my sister and her husband just decided to separate as well. They have two cute little kids and I never suspected any marital problems. They are both well off, one is a doctor and the other a dentist, but I suppose that may be part of the problem. I'm not sure how the kids are handling it.
Well these two are not well off - they are probably going to lose their house as I doubt neither could afford this on their own. My brother was hoping that she would stop after leaving her job (she works with this bozo), but she is continuing.
Granted I am only seeing one side, but with her track record and my brother being a solid, rock type of person - he is the type you would want on your side as he devoted and reliable.
I feel so much for her older daughter as she has already been through this once before. It is so heartbreaking to see her so quiet. She is about the most outgoing lively girl and to see her hardly saying a peep. How can her mother not see this? Is this fling worth breaking your little girls' hearts?
Did your brother adopt the older girl, or is her bio-dad still in the picture? There's not a lot of good in this situation and it would be a shame if the 11 year old loses contact with your family. I'm not sure how visitation rights are established in such cases but perhaps your brother can fight for equal visitation of both girls.
Linkat--
Your soon-to-be Ex Sister-in-law has created a major mess.
Obviously she has talent.
How can you help the kids?
Quote:I feel so much for her older daughter as she has already been through this once before. It is so heartbreaking to see her so quiet. She is about the most outgoing lively girl and to see her hardly saying a peep. How can her mother not see this? Is this fling worth breaking your little girls' hearts?
That is sad. But it is still better for the kids for them to be separating if they are not going to be in a normal loving relationship. Kids sense these things.
JPB wrote:Did your brother adopt the older girl, or is her bio-dad still in the picture? There's not a lot of good in this situation and it would be a shame if the 11 year old loses contact with your family. I'm not sure how visitation rights are established in such cases but perhaps your brother can fight for equal visitation of both girls.
No he didn't adopt her as her bio-dad is still actively involved with her. By the way, the mom constantly complains about him and his family - saying they give her too much junk food, etc. The girl is skinny as a rail - she can't possibly be eating too much. At least they are involved with her.
My brother is an extremely mild mannered person - a kind of gentle giant as he is very big, but so sweet. However, I believe he would fight to the death for his little girl. Hopefully he can arrange something for the older girl as I am sure he will get at least shared custody of the younger. I was thinking he could play off her selfishness to get time with the older girl. As she has no family in the area - when care is needed - vacations/ days off, frequently my mom fills in when the older girl's dad's mom cannot.
Noddy24 wrote:Linkat--
Your soon-to-be Ex Sister-in-law has created a major mess.
Obviously she has talent.
How can you help the kids?
Not 100% sure how I can help them. My husband says we will be there for them. I would love to have them over - maybe for a sleep over - we offered before this mess and they said they thought the youngest wouldn't be comfortable with. I would guess just spending as much time as we can with them.
stuh505 wrote:Quote:I feel so much for her older daughter as she has already been through this once before. It is so heartbreaking to see her so quiet. She is about the most outgoing lively girl and to see her hardly saying a peep. How can her mother not see this? Is this fling worth breaking your little girls' hearts?
That is sad. But it is still better for the kids for them to be separating if they are not going to be in a normal loving relationship. Kids sense these things.
I agree, but what is so odd is my brother and SIL were always so close - always holding hands, hugging and stuff. It is just all of a sudden she started up with this guy. Now if you are having issues wouldn't it make sense to try to work it out, try counseling and then separate before having an affair.
I honestly hope I don't see her any time soon, because I am afraid of what I will say. To me she is nothing more than Jerry Springer sleazy trash.
I typed this long answer then chucked it as it was off on my own family tangent. So, I'll just express sympathy.
Linkat wrote:I agree, but what is so odd is my brother and SIL were always so close - always holding hands, hugging and stuff. It is just all of a sudden she started up with this guy. Now if you are having issues wouldn't it make sense to try to work it out, try counseling and then separate before having an affair.
I honestly hope I don't see her any time soon, because I am afraid of what I will say. To me she is nothing more than Jerry Springer sleazy trash.
How much have you discussed it with your brother? Was he as surprised as you? It may be that they were just very good at keeping their personal issues private. There could have been some animosity growing between them even during the times that they appeared to be affectionate. Alternatively, perhaps you have talked about it a lot with your brother and your opinion is a reflection of your brother's perspective...which might not be unbiased. Perhaps he did something dishonorable that he did not want to share with you that would put Sil's actions into a different light.
I completely realize I am biased and of course am only hearing one side of the story. But even taking that into consideration, my 5 year old niece before anything was known was talking about her mommy's boyfriend. Never mentioned daddy's cheating (which just knowing my brother's personality I can't even imagine happening, whereas my other brother I could see that happening as he is very selfish). She has been divorced prior, she is unreliable (when she is responsible for dropping up and/or picking up her daughter from my mom's house - she is frequently late, child is not dressed, if she is picking up early never notifies my mom ahead of time - even got mad at my mom when my mom had her out shopping so she wasn't home when SIL wanted to pick her and never told my mom she needed to pick her up early, can't hold a job for a period of time.
She doesn't clean, cook (at least most of time cook), or fix things around the house - all my brother's responsibility although I believe he enjoys this. They lived with my mom for a while once when she lost her job. My mom said she did nothing to help out.
And even with all this - I'm not saying my brother can't be at fault at all - there could be things going on we are not all aware of, however, this did come as a surprise to him. And she is the one walking out on the family without even trying to resolve anything.
Linkat wrote:And she is the one walking out on the family without even trying to resolve anything.
Having the affair was awful, this makes it even worse IMO. People can recover from that, and when there are kids involved...
Sigh.
And of course I am using this as a venting post in large part. Hopefully this will prevent me from attacking her next time I see her (if I ever see her again).
It just hurts so much to see her children in so much pain and so unhappy.
On the positive my brother is coming over for Thanksgiving - not sure if the girls will be with him, but I am hopeful. It will help them to be around us I am sure.
The situation sucks and you have my sympathy. Those poor kids.
However, refrain from attacking SIL lest you want a restraining order or jail time in your future. Advise your brother to get a good lawyer NOW. They may not be living apart yet, but their ship is adrift on the shoals and they soon will be. There may be things he can do to prepare or to get a better result from any settlement.
Speaking from experience, a guy's first instinct may be to give in and give her what she wants in the hopes of ending the whole mess quicker. That doesn't usually work. In my case, each concession seemed to fuel a new round of "now I want this." A good attorney can short circuit all that.
In the meantime, spend as much time around the kids as you can. Let them know they're loved and cared for. This ordeal will end sooner or later. Hopefully, sooner.
SIL sounds narcicistic or borderline.
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Hopefully ya'll can reduce the impact on the kids.
DrewDad wrote:SIL sounds narcicistic or borderline.
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Hopefully ya'll can reduce the impact on the kids.
I agree, but as bad as she appears, she is still their mommy. I do hope we can help them as much as possible.
And no I will not really kick her butt (only in my fantasies). She certainly is not worth getting into trouble for - and as I said she is their mom, so I will play nice (at least in front of them) - I can still be underhanded and devious though!
Linkat wrote:She doesn't clean, cook (at least most of time cook), or fix things around the house - all my brother's responsibility...
Ok, you have my permission to kick her. Sheesh what kind of wife is she.
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