Looking for some advice...

This sounds so much like my dating quandary thread - from "I"'s point of view....

I'll be back

Be the best, most gracious friend possible to both Nicole and Joe. If their relationship ends, then wait an appropriate time, and then ask Nicole out.

In the meantime, get on with your life.

Who cares about Joe? Do you care about Joe? Because I certainly don't.....

It seems simple, but tell Nicole how you feel. Reach down and grab a set and tell her, phil43. You haven't done that and that's why she is with Joe and not with you.

I had a friend I was crazy about. One day, I thought 'if he calls me and tells me he's going on a date with some twit I'm going to freak out.' So I sucked it up and told him how I felt. We are getting married next year.

Think of it this way - you want to be with her and you are not. If you tell her and she doesn't want you, well, you're already not together so what difference does it make? It's obviously tearing you up that she's with someone else so the friendship cannot continue the way it is anyway. And, if she feels the same, well, take the ball and run with it.

One more thing - don't say 'Joe isn't good enough for you' because then you're just a needy jealous child. Yuck. Say 'I am crazy about you and I want to be with you' so she will think 'Wow, phil43 is crazy about me and he wants to be with me'.


The world is full of guys. Be a man. Don't be a guy. - Say Anything

Sorry bud, but you dropped the ball. This girl was attracted to you at first, but instead of grabbing the opportunity, you hung around, acted like her "friend," and lost her interest, so she went to a guy who took control of the situation.

Be confident...if a girl shows you signs of interest, ACT on it. You didn't. That shows the girl you're a wussy, a guy who isn't in control of himself and can't take control of the situation.

Joe might seem like a "dick," but how did he end up with her? By just acting like one of her girlfriends like you did? No, when she tested him by flirting with him, he jumped on it, and now he's with her. You hung around and wasted time.

Anyway, you can't act needy and clingy to her. DON'T focus only on her, find other girls to date. She's just another chick. You should do this for yourself, and also, if she sees you dating other girls, and you act somewhat indifferent to her, it'll attract her more, not the other way around.

You could try what sugar is telling you, but it sounds like she's already lost interest. She knows very well you had an opportunity and didn't act on it, and that's not an attractive trait to women.

I know people who try to get a guy to act by using the jealousy card. I could see that fitting in to what you've said about her progression -- more and more bold and then fine, I'll say yes to Joe and see if that gets phil off his ass. Definitely go for it, expect that she may be exasperated -- NOW you tell me -- but know that it's out there, and Joe may be short-lived.

I had a friend who was dating this girl, and when girl and I ended up at the same college, and friend was out of town, we started hanging together, and became good friends. I liked her quite a bit actually, but it wasn't an option, despite some mutual feelings. I ended up dating someone else for some time, and she continued on with my friend, who became increasingly dickish towards her. She wouldn't give him up though, and that was her perogative. There was no pressure from me. I was exploring other options. One night, I found myself out of my relationship, and she called to invite me out to a group drink fest. Anyway, happy hour in Montreal is a great thing. Something happened during the evening, hell no, I don't recall, but we went back to her place and made happy love all night. That was it. We still remained friends, and she continued to see dickhead. What are ya gonna do? It was the right thing at the right time. I would say move on, and let the chips fall where they may.

Incidentally, in university, I was the guy who all the hot chicks came to to bitch about their asshole boyfriends. Ya know what? A hug and a cry, or a platonic sleepover just wasn't enough in the end mate. I learned pretty quick.

That was my college career too. Definitely learned from my mistakes! I was friends with one girl...cute as hell, so many guys wanted to hook up with her. She'd call me up, invite me to sleep over so we could give each other massages and cuddle. I never tried kissing her. Instead of just doing it, I asked. Of course she said something like "we're just friends." If only I knew then, I should have just grabbed her...and she wasn't the only hot girl I dropped the ball with.
However, I'm still good friends with a few of the hotties. And hotties have friends. It all works out in the end.

Yep, once you grab the ball it does indeed work itself out, Slappy. As hindsight is 20/20, I look back at both high school and university at all the hot chicks I could have banged had I just made the effort, and all I can think is HOLY CRAP!! What the hell was I thinking??

There are a couple of things to think abt

1. Did she really like you enough to date you ?
2. Is she dating "Joe" just because he was there ?
3. Is she dating "Joe" for the jelousy factor as someone mentioned ?

There is nothing much you can do at this point in time. You have clearly missed the boat mate. If she drops Joe and starts dating you, then you will also have to evaluate what kind of effect is it gonna have with yr relationship with Joe.

Best thing to do is to forget abt it - and try and be a good friend with both of them....

You guys... did you like having hot-chick friends? Did they introduce you to hot-chick friends of theirs who you did, eventually, bang? Ever occur to you that you had all these hot-chick friends because they felt comfortable with you and trusted that you wouldn't grab them and try to bang them at the first opportunity? That if they wanted to bang you, by golly, they would've banged you?

If you'd tried that with the first hot-chick friend you had, you prolly wouldn't have had many more. In any sense.

Ahhhh soz, the eternal mystery...

What do women actually want ????

Soz, when you say "they would have banged you?" I think most very attractive women have so much to choose from, they don't need to make the initiative...they have interest in you for a little bit, and when you don't grab the opportunity, you go into "let's just be friends" zone, and they look for physical partners elsewhere. Of course that's not always the case, and I've been molested also. Just looking back, I remember girls that flirted with me pretty heavily, and I was too shy/nervous to act on it.

And yes, they were friends with me because they felt comfortable, which is fine. I have no regrets, because some of my best friends are attractive females who I have no sexual interest in. I have great relationships with them...one of my friends has set me up with a few girls, it's great.

Slappy, I'm telling you, reality show. They don't pay much, but you could do, like, endorsements after you're a national star.

Soz, for me the hot chick was not always the prettiest and dumbest, it was the one I could relate to best on a physical and mental plane. But what do you do when you feel a mutual attraction, have spent time cultivating a friendship, and want to take it to another level? Well, when you are shy, the answers are not really black and white.

Now, this isn't what you said, but the argument from some women about "just be a man" is also not an option when you are paralyzed to act on your feelings. I don't give a crap whether or not women think this is just guys being pussies. The best anyone can ever do is to try to read a situation, and act on their feelings, period. Be a man, be a woman, the terms are meaningless, useless. It is WHAT YOU WANT, and HOW YOU GET IT that are important, i.e., in a mutual, respectful, equal way. In the relationship arena, both sexes need the courtesy to be strong and weak, depending on the situation, and should support each other accordingly.

With unrequited love, getting back on topic, sometimes things screw up. It happens.

Back in university, I had a female friend who was dead gorgeous, and we had a lot in common. I fell in love, but wanted to cultivate some friendship first. I thought, being shy, that may have been the best approach. We went from your average coffee date, to dinner dates, and later to cooking dinners together at her place with candles, a little wine and soft music. It seemed to me we were making progress. One night after dinner, and many comments on my beautiful brown eyes and curly locks, she said "Let's go to the bedroom and lie down." Okay, I had been bursting to tell her how I felt. We lay down together and she took my hand. We caressed hands for some time (or maybe it just seemed like an eternity). We chatted for a while, and then there was a silence. I chose my pseudo-brave moment, for the first time in my life. I kissed her hand gently, twice. She jumped up and said "What the hell are you doing", and threw me out. She never spoke with me again. As a postscript, I did indeed meet many attractive women after this incident, but none introduced by her.

Well, she was being dumb.

I don't know what the answer is with this stuff. I've experienced it, too, sorta -- my "best friend" through most of senior year was bogglingly sexy, but I thought he wasn't right for me. (Punk, lots of tattoos, not much of a student.) He didn't make a move, though he was plunged into a deep depression when I started dating one of his friends. He got drunk one night and came to my house at 2:00 am and professed his feelings for me -- his friend, who he had dragged along, took him home, and I waited to see what he'd say when sober. He didn't say anything. I never did any stupid stroking his hand sh!t, and if I had I would've expected a move to be made. We came close several times, but never did anything, and are still friends.

Amazing how screwy teenager's minds are. My current self goes over some situations and wonders why the hell I didn't just jump his bones already. Or vice versa. We've talked about it -- we would probably have been terrible together. But I still value his friendship a lot, and he taught me a TON about how to relate to men.

cav, cav, who can understand women?
I bet many years have passed, and you still don't know whether you should have been strictly passive or whether you should have kissed her elsewhere!.

Heh heh, fbaezer.....I'm going to skip your comments and give a big awww, thank you, to Soz for confirming my thoughts on the subject Soz and Mrs. cav would indeed get on like a house on fire....

fbaezer, whatever my thoughts might be, I no longer care, and perhaps that is the point. (I didn't include the postscript to the story, heh heh, let's just say that after our first year university platonic thing, daddy wasn't pleased at her next non-platonic choice)

i stopped reading when i go to...

" So there's the girl...she can be called Nicole...who I've had a crush on for a looong time, but I've never had the balls to ask her out. "

u dont have ne real problems, ur just the common male chasing a female, if it doesnt happen, leave it.