Sexual Harassment in the work place

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One of my jobs is at a gas station. My "boss" has been very "friendly" with me. At first when he was talking about how he dated an employee before I thought he was just sharing information. Yeah... ok whatever... Rolling Eyes

Recently though he's been making me VERY uncomfortable. Some of the comments he makes and things he does. He always does it when there's customers around, and last friday he grabbed my waist and tickled me. I seriously almost decked him. He jumped back and apologized and I looked him in the eye and said, "DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN." Problem solved I thought. He's backed off a lot since then. I was informed by one of my co-workers this evening that he has been telling people I am his girlfriend. Shocked What the... ???? Shocked

He's asked me out several times. I've turned him down every time. He's made advances on me several times of which I have dodged, avoided, and won't even come within two feet of him anymore. *sigh* I haven't been direct except that one time, honestly. It's mostly because he does this stuff in front of customers and vendors. I'm embarrassed. I don't know what to say or how to say it, and I'm to the point now where as rare as the "moments alone" are with him because of how busy the gas station is, I don't want a "moment alone" with him. Even to tell him to bug the hell off.

But I need this job damn it.

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Take a few moments to tell him how you feel. You won't have to yell or slug him, just be direct and honest. Chances are, he will back off. If not, I suggest spending your free time job hunting. You could get the man in a lot of trouble if you wanted to handle it that way.

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Document EVERYTHING. Chances are at some point when he realizes his dreams of love are unrequited, he'll give you the boot. At which point, you can sue him and own the gas station.

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Your avatar doesn't work.

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Hep, does he own the gas station? If no, write a letter to his superior
and inform him of his supervisor's sexual harrassment, and since it always
happened in front of customers, you have plenty of witnesses to
get testimonials from.

If your boss is the owner of the gas station then you should write him
an offical complaint letter, and send a copy to your local employment department.

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Is there a surveillance camera? Recently a girl in my area sued her boss for similar harassment and the evidence was on the camera. She was awarded a nice chunk of money. You might want to call your local legal aid and see if they have suggestions on how to protect your rights and your job. As already stated -you want to gather as much evidence as possible: keep a diary, ask anyone who witnesses anything if they would write a statement saying what they saw, try and secretly audio tape every conversation you have with him.

Jerks like this don't stop because you tell them to, they only stop if they feel threatened by legal action or the presence of big boyfriend who might break their face. Usually this kind of harassment gets worse, even if you speak up. Guys like this get off on the control thing and they like the fact that they are pushing your buttons. If nothing else - make a statement to the police so if this escalates there will be a record of the problem. You might also want to check to see if he already has any complaints or convictions against him. He sounds like stalker material. Guys like this are always repeat offenders, it's just that not all women are willing to go public with the problem.

Good luck (and definitely keep job hunting)

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edgarblythe wrote:

Take a few moments to tell him how you feel. You won't have to yell or slug him, just be direct and honest. Chances are, he will back off. If not, I suggest spending your free time job hunting. You could get the man in a lot of trouble if you wanted to handle it that way.

Thanks edgar. I'll try talking to him in the morning. I know I could get him in a lot of trouble but I don't want to. I just want him to bug off.

blacksmithn wrote:

Document EVERYTHING. Chances are at some point when he realizes his dreams of love are unrequited, he'll give you the boot. At which point, you can sue him and own the gas station.

Gosh blacksmithn I hope he doesn't give me the boot. I hope he's mature enough to handle the fact that a 36 year old woman has NO interest what so ever in dating a 67 year old man who is her boss. It doesn't seem that hard to understand, does it? It doesn't seem like it should have even been a question in the first place to me. Ack...

InfraBlue wrote:

Your avatar doesn't work.

LOL Thanks. I needed that chuckle.

CalamityJane wrote:

Hep, does he own the gas station? If no, write a letter to his superior
and inform him of his supervisor's sexual harrassment, and since it always
happened in front of customers, you have plenty of witnesses to
get testimonials from.

If your boss is the owner of the gas station then you should write him
an offical complaint letter, and send a copy to your local employment department.

He doesn't own the gas station, but he does practically own the customers. He's been running it for six years and everyone knows him. Everyone seems to respect him. There are people that come to that store just because of him. He actually seems like a really nice guy outside of the stuff going on with me. I guess because he "had his way" with this other employee he must feel like employee's are free game or something.

The thing that gets me here is how flippin scared I am to confront him. How completely uncomfortable and embarrassed I am by all this. And how angry I am that he would even put me in this position in the first place. It's just wrong, you don't treat people like that. I'll be direct with him tomorrow. If that doesn't work, and he doesn't fire me I'll go up the chain of command and hope for the best.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

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Green Witch wrote:

Is there a surveillance camera? Recently a girl in my area sued her boss for similar harassment and the evidence was on the camera. She was awarded a nice chunk of money. You might want to call your local legal aid and see if they have suggestions on how to protect your rights and your job. As already stated -you want to gather as much evidence as possible: keep a diary, ask anyone who witnesses anything if they would write a statement saying what they saw, try and secretly audio tape every conversation you have with him.

Jerks like this don't stop because you tell them to, they only stop if they feel threatened by legal action or the presence of big boyfriend who might break their face. Usually this kind of harassment gets worse, even if you speak up. Guys like this get off on the control thing and they like the fact that they are pushing your buttons. If nothing else - make a statement to the police so if this escalates there will be a record of the problem. You might also want to check to see if he already has any complaints or convictions against him. He sounds like stalker material. Guys like this are always repeat offenders, it's just that not all women are willing to go public with the problem.

Good luck (and definitely keep job hunting)

Yes, there's a camera. Which now that I think about it... dang... he's pretty bold. Pretty much all the customers are regulars so it shouldn't be too hard to track down the ones who have witnessed his advances. (I know the budweiser vendor has seen more than one advance from him towards me.) However it is a question of just how "faithful" to him they are. I could see this whole thing backfiring on me in about 5 different ways if it's not handled correctly.

I just want to do my job. As silly as it may sound I love working at the gas station. It's a nice break from my normal line of work. You meet a lot of funny people and get the chance to talk to a lot of really interesting people too. It was fun until all this started. I am kind of worried about him telling people I'm his girlfriend. There's something really not right about that. I've turned him and his advances down several times, but he's telling people I'm his girlfriend??? It doesn't make any sense. How could he even think that when we have never even talked outside of the hours I work with him at the gas station? Let alone had dinner and a movie or something.

Ok guys... it's time to be completely honest with me here...

Do I have a sign on my forehead that I can't see but everyone else does that says:

"EASY PREY"

I swear these kind of guys hunt me down. No matter where I go they find me so I must be doing something wrong here.

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hephzibah wrote:

Ok guys... it's time to be completely honest with me here...

Do I have a sign on my forehead that I can't see but everyone else does that says:

"EASY PREY"

I swear these kind of guys hunt me down. No matter where I go they find me so I must be doing something wrong here.

Maybe. I'm serious, I think people do send out signals and some people send out signals that indicate an easy target or victim. I don't know that you are doing so, but it's certainly possible.

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Yes, I do think it's entirely possible that he'd can you for not giving in to his advances. It happens much too frequently. There's case law all over the place with such horror stories.

As I understand it-- and granted I'm no expert-- sexual harassment, much like rape, is about power and humiliation, not about sex. It stands to reason that if he is thwarted in his efforts to belittle you this way, that he might well exercise his power in another and terminate you.

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Hey, hep, please don't talk about the time I hired you to work down by my swamp. I was feeling a little frisky that day and I certainly wasn't coming on to you like you thought I was.

Let's just leave that unfortunate incident behind us....

http://home.comcast.net/~opalina_zen/dirty-old-man.jpg

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Who wears garters and stockings to work in a swamp? Looks to me like she was asking for it, gus.

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hephzibah wrote:

The thing that gets me here is how flippin scared I am to confront him. How completely uncomfortable and embarrassed I am by all this. And how angry I am that he would even put me in this position in the first place. It's just wrong, you don't treat people like that. I'll be direct with him tomorrow. If that doesn't work, and he doesn't fire me I'll go up the chain of command and hope for the best.

and your comment/question about if you have "EASY PREY" written on your forhead....

Well, yes hep, in a way you DO have "easy prey" written on you.

Through a combination of what society, family, friends, even your religion has taught you, you have been conditioned, as every woman has to one degree or another, to be frightened of confronting what you know is wrong because you will be "making waves" "upsetting the apple cart" "not being a lady" "being a bitch" and a thousand other bullshit things that have been drummed into us since birth.

This is EXACTLY what predetors are looking for in their prey. Sure, they may SEEM to be the nicest person in the world....this is so they can be offended them when you "accuse" them of being otherwise.

Why do you care if reporting him gets him in trouble? He certainly doesn't care about touching your body, and saying inappropriate things.....oh yea, that wouldn't be "nice"

I'm not saying that it's the womans entire fault they are prey...all of us are to one degree or another. An individual may not think of themselves as prey....but some predetor is sizing every single woman up as a potential victim, making each of us hunted to some extent.

The bottom line is what a woman reaction will be if a predetor makes his move...at that point we can allow ourselves to be his prey, or can turn around and take him on....head on. This can be verbally, physically, legally.

Be a Warrior hep, write WARRIOR on your forehead, and push your hair back so he will be sure to see it.

Don't be weak. Make him turn tail and retreat. You are in the right and nothing can take that from you.

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Just possibly with a 67 year old extrovert there could be a generation gap here. He may think he's being funny.

From what you've written, you're safe when you're alone with him--he gets his kicks from dubious humor with an audience.

Next time he pulls the "girlfriend" nonsense, smile sweetly and yell, "Not any more. You've been much too cozy with other women!"

Repeat as necessary.

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You know Noddy, when I first read his age....I was considering that in the back of my mind.

There are people of a certain generation who cannot seem to step into the 1980's nevermind the new millenium. We all know the type.

Although we are not going to change that type of person, we can at least make it clear we have moved forward.

Also, I do know that many men will "play dumb" when called on their actions.

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Yeah, well, the rest of us shouldn't have to deal with his crap just because he can't adjust.

Times change, so should he.

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I'm guessing he wouldn't be caught dead tickling a male employee.

Don't deck him... but tread heavily on his instep.

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DrewDad wrote:

Yeah, well, the rest of us shouldn't have to deal with his crap just because he can't adjust.

Times change, so should he.

You're right, I'm not reversing my Warrior position, but the more we move forward, the further "they" get left behind.

My hope is that some day they will be left so far behind any young lady will not hesitate to tell any man to stop his behavior.

You know Drew, sometimes I get so....I don't know, not mad, not frustrated some weird combination, with a little sad mixed in.
I don't know if young women, meaning teens, ever discuss this with men, but they do bring it up with other women.

There have been so many times I've been talking with a 17 to 19 year old female, who is somehow being harrassed. They will be really upset, sometimes to tears at how some man (sorry, don't mean to be male bashing, but that's how it is) keep behaving in such a way that makes them not only uncomfortable in a situation, but also makes them doubt their worth beyond being a silly plaything. Now mind you, some of these "girls" may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but that's no reason to objectify them.

However, when someone older, or more sure of themselves tells them they have the perfect right to stop this...they just don't.

In so many words they will say that they can't do that because then the man wouldn't think they were "nice". So, instead they put up with this ****.

Maybe decent men, when they see this happening, should #1 stand up for these young ladies and let the other guy know this isn't acceptable, or even more important, find an opportunity to have a conversation with the women.

Part of it that another woman saying it won't have the weight of a man saying it. I mean, they already think they have to accept stuff because "they're men"...if another man gave them the message that those others are losers and not real men, they might listen more.

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Numerous times other men have tried to pull me into their harrassment. I just look at them like they're nuts.

I, also, don't get the wanting to be perceived as "nice" by someone who's treating you like ****.

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Chai--

Your post reminded me of an incident at a party 40-odd years ago. We were all graduate students, all poor and like all parties of that time of my life there were many-many people and much cheap wine in a small apartment.

I was being subtly pawed by a macho stranger. The first time I wasn't sure. The second time I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The third I'm I roared, "Unhand me, you cad. Keep your paws to yourself."

Would you believe that some of the other men at the party were offended by my belligerent feminism? After all, to embarrass a guy like that....

The '60's were an interesting decade. Very interesting.

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Sexual Harassment in the work place

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